Laugh Killer Laugh Page #6

---

What the hell you laughing at, it's true!

These f***in' guys tried to kill me.

They did! They took guns,

they were shooting at me,

they shot up the place,

they shot up my pillow.

Well, I needed something to wear,

so I borrowed these.

The guy next to me was dying of TB,

I figured he didn't need 'em.

You're kind of a fun audience.

You, you, I love you.

Oh, my God, you!

I had eight dollars stashed in my socks.

And I dug it out and stuck it in my pocket

as I walked up Broadway

towards 137 Street.

I saw Flockle standing in front

of the subway entrance.

"What's happening", I said. Not much.

Yo, what are you doing?

No!

No!

What are you doing?

Dear Jackie, it's your friend, Frank.

I've been meaning to call you for some

time now, but thought this note would do.

Something happened that changed my life.

I'm still not sure what exactly,

but all I know is that I'm happy.

Truly happy for the first time.

And I want you to be happy.

So I suggest we see your daughter

together as originally planned

so you can tell her that you love her.

Meet me at the coffee shop

tomorrow at three o'clock.

And we'll leave together.

I can't wait to look

at your inspiring presence

and your beautiful face once again.

Thank you very, very much for taking

the time to understand me.

Your friend, always, Frank.

Frank?

How the hell did you get in here?

That letter you wrote me

was so beautiful, I cried like a baby.

Like a baby, huh?

Look at me.

I want to ask you one question.

One question.

If I don't like the answer,

we're gonna bash your face in.

Frank take you to Coney Island, huh?

Did he do this to you, huh?

Did he do this to you?

I'm gonna ask you one question.

Where is Frank Stone?

- I swear I don't know.

- Answer him.

One more time...

where is Frank Stone?

I swear I don't know!

Where is Frank Stone?

I swear I don't know.

I'd tell you if I did, I swear,

but I don't know.

Finish her off.

Oh, if it isn't Cocky and Snowwinkle?

What's up, Frank?

Paper time's over, pajama boy.

Enough of the clown routine.

Catch any bad guys lately, coppers?

Cut the bullshit, Frank, alright?

We want you to testify against Tough Tony.

I don't wanna, you know?

I'm having so much fun,

just hanging out and being happy.

Why are you protecting this piece

of garbage? He tried to have you killed.

So did my mother, but I don't

hold that against her, huh?

Yeah, well, I can understand

why your mother hated you.

I know you five seconds

and I can't stand you.

Detective, you should really try

a more refreshing breath mint.

You think you're crazy, huh, Frank?

Look at that.

But I'm the one who's crazy around here.

I'm from east New York. Brooklyn, kid.

We used to throw people off rooftops.

Stick up gangsters. Rob drug dealers,

then we'd sell it back to them.

So don't sit here and think

you're the only one that's crazy.

Let me tell you something.

If I didn't have this badge,

I'd forget that I'm a cop.

I'd really listen to that, Frank.

What are you gonna do?

You gonna throw me off a rooftop?

Then keep laughing.

Aren't you supposed to meet

that girl that you like?

Jackie, right?

I got something for you.

You're gonna like this.

She's waiting for you at this address.

Now that's funny.

Is Jackie Mott here?

Oh, no.

Where'd you take us?

I told you, this is the best rub

and tub joint in the city, bar none.

- See, this is what I'm talking about.

- She's nice.

- Hello. Follow me, please.

- Sure, anywhere.

Come on, I want to win tonight.

Yeah, it's me.

I have a problem that needs fixing.

I found this rat in my kitchen

and it needs to be

exterminated right away.

I want you to get the best exterminator

that money can buy, that's what I want.

He's the best?

Alright, set up a meeting.

Now I want to hire you...

'cause word got around to me

that you're the best.

I know what people call you by reputation.

What should I call you?

What do you call yourself?

Lucifer.

Lucifer.

I'm gonna give you a chance

to live up to that name.

Because this isn't business...

this is personal.

I want you to cause Frank Stone...

more pain and suffering

than humanly possible.

I want you to cause him

more pain and suffering

than you ever caused anybody, ever.

Do... do we understand each other?

Frank, open up.

We have a search warrant.

Frank, open up.

You think he's in there?

Come on, Frank,

or we're gonna bust down the door.

Frank, open up.

Well?

Did you get him?

I asked you a question.

Did you kill him?

Did you kill Frank Stone?

What's the matter with you?

Bye, Dad.

You're Sarah, right?

My name is Frank.

I was a friend of your mom's.

She wanted me to tell you something.

She wanted me to tell you

that she loved ya.

That she always loved you.

How you doin', Tony?

Alright.

Alright, Frank.

You got me.

So just do what you got to do.

Alright, I just made peace with my maker.

I don't care about dying.

Go ahead, do what you got to do.

Do you really think a one minute prayer...

is going to straighten things out

with the big guy upstairs, Tony?

Yeah, I do. He knows

what I did was out of necessity.

Necessity?

Frank!

You feel it, Tony?

That's the feeling of pain and agony

that you cause people out of necessity.

I'm an avenging angel, Tony.

This time you hurt the wrong person.

Yeah, I feel better.

I used to be a bit of a partier.

I used to drink too much.

A lot of people say to me

"Art, what's a wild night of drinking to you?

You look like you've had a few." And I have.

A wild night of drinking to me is when you

drink too much and eventually you pass out.

And when you wake up, you're naked

in a police car with two cops.

But the weird part is, you're driving.

That'll be a wild night of drinking!

Not for you, man.

That's like a Tuesday night for you.

I did a lot of drugs, as well.

The reason I did drugs was, I think, the

anti-drug slogans when I was a kid were bad.

Like, remember "hugs are better

than drugs". That didn't work for me.

My mother used to scream

that at me as I left the house.

"Remember, hugs are better than drugs."

And I believed her.

I believed everything my mother said

until the first time I got high at a party.

I leaned back and I was like "wow."

"This is way better

than when my mother hugs me."

"What else has she been

lying to me about?"

Do I not have great bone structure?

Am I not the best looking boy

in New Jersey?

Hugs are great, but better than drugs?

Come on, let's not lie to the kids.

Let me put it to you this way.

I never drove to Harlem at 4 am

to get somebody to hug me.

Hey, Carlos, here's 20 bucks,

just put your arms around me.

I grew up with a domineering mother.

She would say stuff at the top of her lungs,

screaming at me.

Some bad, some good, it was confusing.

I didn't know what to do.

She would say stuff like "I hate you!"

"I never want to see you again."

"Are you hungry?"

"Get out of this house

and never come back."

"There are chicken goblets

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes