Laughter in Paradise Page #6

After all one must go into details

in a detailed manner.

Mr Godfrey, I don't often get invited out.

But if you really want me to come and dine with you,

would you mind asking me properly?

Madam, would you care

to dine with me tonight?

I should love it.

If you promise not to discuss the case.

Nothing was further from my mind.

Good!

Champagne of course...

A bottle of Krug '34 to start with.

Keep the usual on the ice for later on.

Women never know the second bottle.

Yes, Mr Simon.

This is a very important date...

So pass the word around to the girls

that I'm not on "hello terms" tonight.

Hello darling!...

Oh... better take that back.

Russell!

Russell, your man told me

I might find you here.

He had no business!

Why aren't you in jail?

That's what I've come

to talk to you about.

Oh, is it?...

Come and have a drink.

I'm getting a little desperate.

It may be easy for people like you...

But I just don't seem to be able

to get into prison.

Don't be silly...

Anyone can!

What's in there?

Oh, burglar tools...

Keep your voice down!

What are you going to do with them?

You see, I thought a little housebreaking

might do the trick.

Well i wish you the best of luck.

The trouble is, some people are inclined to be

a little rough with burglars, and...

Well, I thought, that with

your permission of course

I might break into YOUR flat tonight.

What? That's quite out of the question...

I shall be using it tonight anyway.

All the better... then you can

catch me red-handed.

Now look, old boy... I've got

very important plans for tonight.

Catching burglars isn't one of them.

You pop off and burgle someone else.

I couldn't possibly burgle

somebody I didn't know.

Wouldn't be playing the game.

Go and pinch a car or something.

Do you mind awfully... got plans... pop off.

Lucille darling!

You look quite heavenly!

Who on earth was that?

He's some old crook

with a hard luck story...

Used to flog petrol coupons...

lives on charity now.

Costs me a fiver every time I see him.

You're much too nice, Simon...

That's your trouble.

Nonsense!

These things yours, sir?

No, no... I borrowed... I... yes.

Yes, they're my burglar tools.

Burglar tools... what do you want

with them?

I refuse to say.

Well in that case sir, I shall have to ask you

to come along with me to the station.

I'll take the bag, sir.

You take the bag.

Sergeant, I picked this man up

with a set of burglar tools.

Oh yeah... name?

So, it's you, you naughty boy.

After a bit of local colour, eh?

Now you want to be careful sir,

or you will land yourself in the clink.

I want...

That's alright sir, I quite understand.

It's OK, Cafferty... I know this gentleman.

Jeremy Sinclair, the famous author.

You know, sir...

I've been enjoying that book

of yours very much.

Very good stuff.

I'll lay 6 to 1 the referee

murdered the outside left...

Am I right?

No, I'm afraid it was the goalkeeper's daughter.

What? But that's impossible.

If you don't want me anymore, I'll...

You run along and drop in

any time you're passing...

Always welcome.

Good night.

One moment sir...

Might I have your autograph, please.

Lucille darling... you know, I'm serious...

This isn't just casual fun.

Let's sit down, shall we.

But... what did I do?

Nothing.

I swear to you I only...

Before you say anything more

I think I'd better tell you something

about myself that you don't know.

What?

I've lied to you about myself.

You mean you're not

what you pretend to be?

No, I'm a fraud.

Mr Simon?

No, hold it Gustav,

I may not be needing that.

You'd better explain yourself.

That first day we met...

I wasn't going to Eton

to see my brother.

Why not?

I haven't got a brother at Eton.

In fact, I haven't got a brother at all.

I see... so you've been fooling me.

Why?

I was on my way to meet the man...

the man my uncle wants me to marry.

He's rich, a title... everything

a girl could want.

I didn't want him, even before I met you...

Then you came along and I...

Is that all?!

Gustav... where's that bottle of champagne?

But I haven't told my uncle yet.

Or the other man.

I haven't dared to, until I knew

whether you were serious about me.

Serious?... but I'm crazy about you!

Lucille darling, will you marry me?

Oh, Simon... yes please!

When will you tell your uncle?

Would you like me to ring him now?

Yes, do! I'll come with you.

I've got a call to make, too.

Gustav... make that a magnum!

Very well, sir.

Darling...

Benson... it's in the bag!

Well, put a couple of bottles on the ice

and go to bed.

My heartiest congratulations, sir...

a notable achievement.

Hello... Uncle Arthur?

Lucille speaking.

He's hooked!

Open up a bottle of champagne

and have one on me.

My heartiest congratulations, my dear...

Oh, a notable achievement!

These flowers have just been delivered.

Who for?

For you I s'pose.

Why? I'm not dead yet.

You sent me those.

I did no such thing!

You must have done...

Nobody likes me enough

to send me flowers.

Without wishing to appear rude...

Mr Webb... I don't like you enough either.

Oh, yes you do... enough to offer me

1,000 to stay here.

But don't imagine that smothering me

in blooms is gonna do the trick...

You'll leave when I want you to leave.

I've no illusions about that.

What lovely flowers.

Give them to me and get a vase

and some water, will you.

Yes, Miss Webb.

Who are they from?

More bribery and corruption

from that idiotic maid.

Where are you all dolled up

this morning?

What are you grinning at?

The flowers are meant for me!

Who from?

Your detective.

Why is he sending you flowers?

Because he likes me I suppose.

He's no business liking you.

He's not paid to send you flowers.

Well he's hoping to buy them.

This must stop at once!

He's a perfect right to send me flowers

And i hope he goes on doing so.

I was out with him until midnight last night.

I expect to be much later tonight.

You'll stay in your room.

I'm sorry, father... I won't!

You've successfully wrecked

every chance I ever had.

We can't go on like that...

It's no good, father.

You can't want me to

waste my life and become...

Something like that dreary

old spinster out there.

While the doctor's upstairs,

I thought you might like a cup of tea.

Thank you Agnes, that was

very thoughtful of you.

Miss Webb... I couldn't help overhearing

what you said about me upstairs.

I'm very sorry, I was overwrought and I...

Oh, don't apologise... please.

I know well enough what I am.

It takes some people a long time

to find out about themselves.

And when they do... it's too late

to do anything about it.

It isn't too late for you.

How is he, Doctor?

Your father's an old humbug, m'dear.

He enjoys bad health more

than anyone I know.

You see the trouble with

these hypochondriacs is

they can make themselves

just as ill as they want to be.

He has a dicky heart, there's no denying...

But it's not going to kill him...

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