Laura Lansing Slept Here Page #4

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you pay us 500 dollars...

Walter.

Just think, now she's alone,

she's always been alone,

no husband, no children,

just emptiness and silence.

Yeah.

What a thrill for her to

be part of a rollicking,

fun-loving family like yours.

Walter, you just be yourselves, hmm?

Oh excuse me Mr. Baumgartner.

Excuse me, just be yourselves.

Lunch?

(calming music)

[Melody] Walter Junior's bed?

(frolicking music)

Not my dresser!

You might've asked me.

I know I should have.

I get carried away.

How did you do all this by yourself?

I am stronger than I

look, the mailman came

and saw me and he pitched right in.

It's only for a week.

Pity they don't have

caviar, such a comfort.

Excuse me.

Ms. Lansing, what are

you doing in Hicksville?

Shopping dear, what are you doing?

[Announcer] Customer

service to aisle five please.

Oh look, Crenshaw melons, why not.

Maybe two.

They're so expensive.

(mumbling) yourself Melody,

it's bad for the soul.

Could I have your autograph Ms. Lansing?

Oh please, can't you see

I'm trying to be normal.

Oh I love these.

Poison.

Isn't this fun?

I haven't been shopping in years.

[Announcer] Manager,

service register four please.

[Melody] Haven't we got enough?

[Cashier] That'll be $247.

I'm afraid I have only maybe 50 dollars.

Uhm, Ms. Lansing, could you?

Could I what?

What'cha gonna do, come on

you're holding up the line.

I don't know.

Add that.

Don't make a scene dear,

put our stuff in the bags,

we'll send you a check.

You don't have any money?

Why should I have any money?

(frolicking music)

Good old Doris.

Can you change that please?

Why, why don't I do dinner tonight?

You?

Yes, a leg of lamb, I think

I could remember how to,

and these fresh vegetables, and fruit.

Oh how nice.

Uhm, Ms. Lansing.

Do stop calling me Ms.

Lansing, it's Laura, dear, Laura.

Well, Laura, I know how

you feel about television.

But there's this program that I watch.

I've watched it for years,

and uhm, it's only an hour.

Which hour?

Well it starts in 10 minutes.

But that's impossible, I'll

just be settling in to work.

I'm sorry, but I have

to watch The Storm Within.

Well what the dickens

is The Storm Within?

It's a soap, well a soap

opera, and I watch it every day.

Melody, you've seen how

cooperative I've tried to be,

I've bent over backwards to fit in,

so as not to disrupt your

regiment, and now you insist

I'm watching trash when I

have to do a little work.

The Storm Within is not trash!

It's entertainment.

Life is not just a

round of pleasure Melody.

The answer is no.

It has to be no.

Out of my way pygmy.

(baby crying)

Don't you ever push my child.

Listen Laura Lansing, I

don't know why you're here

but this is my house.

And you are a guest here.

And I will not let you abuse

my children because I happen

to love my children.

And you will not dictate

to me what I will do

and what I won't do in my

own home, is that clear?

You've got a point.

I have indeed transgressed

the rules of decent behavior.

I apologize.

I shall go to my room

and stand in the corner.

[Female Voiceover] But

I can't leave my husband,

he needs me, and mentor

my daughter Jennifer.

[Male Voiceover] By the

way, where is Jennifer?

[Female Voiceover] Oh

she's out on the fire escape

with that boyfriend of hers.

I'm worried Bill.

[Bill] What about Anna?

[Anna] That boy is a little too forward,

I think he's up to no good.

And Jennifer's putting on weight.

(jazz music)

If I wanna go, I'll go,

don't try and stop me.

You can't leave me, not now!

I'll kill myself, I swear.

- Then kill yourself.

- Why would she kill herself?

Because he's impregnated her.

- Huh, the swine.

- I never liked you anyhow!

(jazz music)

It's the people I like,

Walter, all the people I like.

I think I understand that Violet.

If I like you, the sky's the limit.

Do you like me Violet.

Would I be here if I didn't?

May I ask why?

I'm fascinated by older men.

Especially when they've

got a slightly wounded

look in the eye.

You got a slightly

wounded look in the eye.

Which eye?

It shifts.

You're so perceptive.

Thank you.

I really feel like I

can talk to you, Violet.

You're so young and fresh.

Free.

You don't know.

My wife, she's wonderful.

She's just a housewife.

Sometimes I wonder.

What am I doing married to a housewife?

Life isn't easy.

[Walter] That's right, that's right.

But it's okay, I myself am

engrossed in horticulture.

Horticulture?

I love green, little

green growing things.

I have this geranium on my window sill,

and it's dying, I love it so much.

Why?

I over-water it, I can't help it.

You're so, so...

Young and fresh and free?

Yeah.

Can I ask you a personal question, Violet?

What?

Can I see your geranium?

(television and radio blaring)

(screaming)

[Annette] Who said

she could take my table?

Annette it doesn't really matter.

Well, howdy too!

Oh Laura this is Francie Barber.

I live next door.

How do you do Ms. Barber?

You just go into people's

rooms and take their...

There sure is something...

[Malcolm Junior] Mom

where's Daddy's chair?

Where do you think it is?

Hush, now go turn off

your music, I warned you.

This here is Orville, he's my youngest.

I got seven.

I'm not surprised.

[Francie] Not?

No, from what I can see it appears to be

the neighborhood pastime.

[Annette] I want my table back.

Why can't we watch television?

Because I will not

spend the twilight hour

with a bug-eyed boob who is

too dimwitted to dig into

his won inner resources to

find ways to spend the time.

Just thought I'd ask.

Oh listen Ms. Lansing,

Myrtle down the street,

she told me just yesterday,

she's so excited you're here

because she read one of your books,

she says it's real good.

Oh thank you.

Except for the end, she

said it went off the track,

but she read it clear through.

If you'll excuse me.

Sure honey, I know we'll

just see a lot of each other

this week.

Looks that way.

(Orville chirping)

Quiet Orville.

When I first saw her I

couldn't believe my mind,

I said that can't be Laura Lansing!

(women chattering)

I hate you.

You do?

You're a selfish, mean, old...

Writer, and you're a little girl.

Despite the fact that you're made up like

Phyllis Diller on a bad night.

I'm not a little girl,

I'm old enough to do it.

(baby crying)

(TV blasting)

Another hour.

It smells delicious.

Let's open a bottle of champagne.

What, do you think we should,

I mean, two nights in a row?

Two nights in a row?

And can't we, can't we

sit in the backyard?

Do you mean to tell me that

you never had any other

beau but Walter?

No, it was love at first sight.

Well, I'd had crushes

on hopeless people like

the class president or movie stars but,

it was Walter.

We were so young but we

decided to get married

right away.

And it's been wonderful ever since.

I bet.

Oh yeah, oh now!

Malcolm, don't put that

in your mouth that way.

Stay here.

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