Laws of Attraction Page #7

contrary just to be contrary.

- Only this is my marriage too.

- You see what I mean?

Oh, my head is thumping.

Ahh! Ugh!

Will you look at that?

You just broke the little

fella's leg right off.

He's legless.

I liked that.

I was going to save that

as a souvenir.

Hmm.

I'm sorry, Daniel.

I've known you for 35 years.

Alcohol has a very bad effect on you.

You get hyper,

you get aggressive,

you get married.

No one at the office

can know,

so I have to research

whatever legal system

County Clare operates under.

Well, why don't you just

file here if that's what you want?

Oh, that's a great idea.

It'll take the press

exactly two seconds to find out

that I got drunk and married

and divorced in 24 hours.

Given my vast experience

with divorce... and it is vast...

my guess is that there's

a lot of wiggle room.

Hell, you could probably get it annulled

as long as you didn't...

never mind.

I have to start wiggling

first thing in the morning.

Mm-hmm.

Mother, what is this?

Oh, the girls and I

are having a lip party later.

You can join us if you like.

David takes fat out of our butts

and injects it into our lips.

That gives a whole new meaning

to "talking outta your ass."

Hello?

Better pick up

the New York Post

- before you file for divorce. Page 6.

- What?!

Off to get one of these?

Why did you tell them this?

Are you crazy?

You think I did that?

Why would I do that, when

you made it abundantly clear

that being married was the last thing

you wanted to be, especially to me?

- Can I?

- What are you doing?

I'm calling The Post to tell them

they made a mistake.

Daniel...

Or that we made a mistake.

Which should I say?

No, no, no,

put... put the...

please, please, please,

put the phone down. L...

I'm n...

I'm not trying

to be hurtful here.

Just bear with me

for a minute, okay?

- Trust me.

- Mm-hmm.

In the way

that you trust me?

Okay, listen.

We got married

whether we like it or not.

And it seems that it was,

if nothing else, a little impulsive.

Personally, I blame

the "poo" drink.

Now we're back in New York,

and on opposite sides of a major case,

So whatever we may or may not do

in the future in the short term...

- I agree.

- What?

I agree. It's the only thing

we can do...

in the short term.

I haven't said

what I was going to say.

You were going to say

that we have to appear married

or we will seriously

screw up our careers.

So... that only leaves

one question, doesn't it?

Forgive me if I get emotional, but

this is the day every mother dreams of...

the day she gets to watch

her only daughter

put a lock on the bedroom door

to keep her husband out.

Oh, stop it, Mother.

It may have been a wedding,

but it is not a marriage.

Hi, I'm the husband.

Hi, I'm the mother.

- Oh.

- Mmm?

Uh, this is your room.

I made some room

in the closet

even though it looks like

you never hang anything up.

Hmm.

Bathroom's through there.

Oh, she's back to her old self.

That seems promising.

I told you darling,

we don't need separate bedrooms.

I don't mind you snoring.

Can I use the kitchen?

He cooks. You never

told me he cooks.

Yes, well, it's been

a strange couple of days.

I'm sure she'll come around,

don't worry.

Shouldn't I be saying that to you?

Yes, oh, I've enjoyed reading about you

in the society pages.

Are you, uh, really 56?

- Parts of me are.

- Ah.

- Would you like a cocktail?

- Oh, yes, please.

- Mmm.

- Only if it's an extremely large one.

Okay.

I made brownies.

I've given up sugar.

It was a crutch.

- What?

- Is that what you're wearing?

- What's the matter with it?

- Nothing, nothing.

It... it just needs...

something.

We're married, remember?

We have to make it look

like we mean it...

even if we don't.

Let me.

Well, say something.

Uh...

um...

did you get

yourself one too?

- You want me to do it or you?

- Uh... eh... I can do it.

There, now we

can fool anyone, eh?

I guess.

All right, all right!

Quiet back there!

I can't hear you!

I can't hear you!

You p*ssy!

- Here you go.

- Oh, thanks.

You're welcome.

Just shut up. Why can't

you shut up and listen?

Why can't you fall

under a snowplow?

It's summer.

Yeah, I'll buy you one

as a parting gift.

...So I looked like 12.

Oh, your mother

called earlier.

Hey, I ran into

Tracey Abramovitz today.

Oh, Tracey, Tracey.

Four million?

Aspen?

Jeez.

...it looks like it is going to cut

its way through

the mid-Atlantic states.

So later on in the day... New York and

also around, say, the Stanton area...

you may see an isolated

shower or thunderstorm.

...still soggy

across New England,

otherwise high pressure settles

into the mid-Atlantic coast

and it'll be dry

in the morning tomorrow.

New York's shore forecast

for today, 75...

Hmm.

And not only did Serena

renovate and decorate...

Yes, indeed,

save Caislen Clocha...

she restored the gardens.

She reached out into the community,

single-handedly reviving the ancient

textile industry in the area,

pumping revenue

back into the economy.

Yeah, she was pumping

the gardener as well.

Shove it!

Ms. Woods, if you don't

put a muzzle on him...

Your honor, my client

is simply making the point

that while he was away working

hard to pay for the castle,

his wife's activities may not

have been entirely altruistic.

If fidelity is at issue here, we can

happily produce receipts

documenting Mr. Jamison's tour

of the world's brothels.

Yeah!

- Nice.

- All right, all right!

- Quiet back there!

- Ahh!

What is the relevance of this?

I'm suggesting

that Mrs. Jamison

doesn't deserve to be

awarded a $3 million castle

simply because she hung some curtains

and was popular with the help.

Why not? She shouldn't be

denied her standard of living,

especially when her husband over there

forked out four million

on a love shack

for his mistress in Aspen.

How do you know that?

I...

I said don't

tell no one about Aspen!

What about all that

lawyer-client crap?!

I will not stand for this

behavior in the courtroom.

You don't even know

how to ski!

Just shut it.

I want a divorce.

It was an accident.

I swear.

I was taking out the garbage,

the bag broke...

...and then in the middle

of the battle...

I don't believe you.

So...

you want a divorce?

Yes.

So one little hiccup

and we give in, eh?

Just like all the saps

we represent?

Do not throw your take

on life and marriage at me

like some moral battering ram.

And what about the professional fallout

you seem so desperate to avoid?

Well...

I'm sorry,

I don't believe in divorce.

You don't believe in divorce?

How can you say that?

- You make your living...

- It's a job!

But in those miserable couples,

what do we see?

- What do we really see?

- Us. We see us!

- People who have made a huge mistake...

- No, no, no, no!

We see people

who are not willing to fight.

You have to fight

for what you believe in.

Fight fair, fight dirty,

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