Laws of Attraction Page #6

Actually, I don't know

how you do it.

You write books,

you appear on TV,

you perform your

stand up routine in court.

Are you taking your clothes off?

Well, just... just...

just the bottoms.

I mean, you know,

they're covered in slime.

Ugh! Why did I do that?

And in your spare time,

you work for the Irish Tourist Board.

- And your point is?

- I was doing fine on my own.

Oh, come on,

let's be honest.

You were lost

until I came along.

Oh, slightly metaphorical.

Anyway, come on.

Lie down. You look tired.

You need to rest.

What, so you can get

to Caislen click before me?

It's not "click."

- It's clocha.

- Clocha.

- Caislen Clocha.

- Kluhh... kuhh.

Clocha... it's not even a word.

What kind of a word is that?

It's an Irish word.

We're in Ireland. Learn to adapt.

I can adapt. I'm very adaptable

as a matter of fact.

- I'm probably more adaptable than you.

- Oh.

- And a word of advice.

- Yes?

Never tell a woman

she looks tired.

Boy, you just summed yourself up

in one sentence.

All-consuming, competitive spirit

meets rampant insecurity.

Now why... why would

someone as accomplished

and as clever as you

be so insecure, hmm?

I'll tell you what,

you spend your teenage years

as the pimply, gangly daughter

of the most beautiful

woman in the world,

and get back to me.

You better not leave me.

Never.

Oh.

Oh my Lord.

- We were this close?

- Uh-huh.

The hell with Thorne and Serena.

I want it.

Well, duty calls.

Yep.

So you think you

can get the servants

to back up your claim?

Well, I guess we'll find out.

I guess we will.

Hello, there.

Welcome to Caislen Clocha.

- Hello, I'm Audrey Woods.

- I'm Daniel Rafferty.

- I'm representing Mr. Jamison.

- I'm representing Mrs. Jamison.

I'm wondering would it be possible

to speak to the staff for a moment,

- just a little bit?

...Interview them for a while?

Ah, would you be the posh lawyers

over from America, then?

- Yes.

- That's grand.

- Well, they all agree with me so far.

- Me too.

Brendan, I'm going to need

to interview the staff again.

I'm not getting anywhere.

I'm afraid you'll be

out of luck there, sir, sure.

They'll all be down

at the festival.

It's the village's

anniversary.

It celebrates the couple who founded

the place nearly 200 years ago.

It's a lovely story.

They were deeply in love

but her father didn't approve,

so they ran away here

and got married in secret.

And every year we have

a festival in their honor.

It's very romantic.

- Singing and dancing.

- Aw, that's nice.

So basically,

the old fella didn't like

this Scottish knight

nailin' his daughter,

Et cetera, et cetera,

blah, blah, blah.

So it's basically, a lame excuse

for a three-day booze up.

So is it the wild woman

of the bogs herself?

I'd never've recognized ya.

Aye, you're cuttin'

a fine figure this evening,

Even if I do say so me-self.

And you look like you're...

You're wearing...

that.

- You don't like it?

- No, no, you got kind of a...

"Lenny Kravitz meets Kiss without

the makeup" thing going on.

Never too old

to rock and roll, huh?

You heard the story

of this place?

Yeah, it's all little elves

and leprechauns for me.

Oh. Well, I thought

it was rather charming.

There you go.

- Oh, what's this?

- Oh, it looks like poteen.

- "Poo" what?

- It's not "poo."

It's puh, puh...

"puh-cheen."

It's a traditional irish drink,

slightly illegal.

- It's like moonshine.

- Oh, so that's Gaelic for "goats nut."

Cheers.

Ah! I was right.

It is poo.

Could I have the pleasure

of this dance with you, miss?

- Oh, you know what, I can't...

- Oh, she'd love to.

- And I'm working.

- Go on. Go on.

- I'm working!

- You'll soon pick it up.

I'm working here.

No!

Make sure to keep

those legs up.

Whoo!

Come on.

You, come on.

No, no, you go.

Are you dancing?

No, I'm not.

No, madam, I'm not.

I'm slightly indisposed.

My ankle and stuff like this.

- I'd love to, but...

- Oh, don't be so soft.

- No!

- Get yourself up here.

Bejesus, you're a wholesome

strap of a woman.

Are you married?

Would you excuse me

for a moment?

Ho-ho!

I can't leave you alone

for a second, can I?

Come on, honey, let's go.

I'm serious this time.

- I'm sorry.

- Let's go.

Go!

Go! Go! Go! Go!

Yeah!

Yeah!

Yeah!

Oh, lovely.

Lovely.

Fine.

Here you go.

Thanks!

All right!

Here you go, a drink

for the little guy.

Cheers!

Ladies and gentlemen,

please take your places

at the wedding circle.

The vows you have taken

are holy and binding.

You've exchanged rings

as a token

of your eternal love.

I now pronounce you

man and wife.

You may kiss the bride.

Aww...

That's beautiful.

It's a lovely story.

They were deeply in love,

so they ran away here

and got married in secret.

It's very romantic.

The vows you have taken

are holy and binding.

You've exchanged rings

as a token

of your eternal love.

I now pronounce you

man and wife.

You may kiss the bride.

Oh my God.

Oh...

my...

God.

God.

Oh. Ahhhh!

Okay, okay.

Wake up! Wake up!

- Oh, morning.

- Wake up!

Would you please look

at your left hand, please?

- What. Oh.

- Please!

Oh, would you look at that?

Oh, you got one too.

Daniel, did we

get married last night?

Yes, I have a feeling we did.

- The details are a little bit fuzzy,

- Oh, oh...

but I think the bride

was scintillating...

in her figure-hugging

Serena outfit and...

you're not happy.

Do I look happy?!

Well, it's hard to say, I mean, because

you never seem to be happy around me

and I always seem

to make you angry and...

Oh, oh, oh,

it's all coming back.

We got to find the guy that did this

and tell him we didn't mean it.

- Well, what if I did mean it?

- Of course you didn't. How could you?

You don't want

to be married to me!

Mrs. Flanagan!

Mrs. Flanagan!

Mrs. Flanagan!

Oh, Mrs. Flanagan!

- How do you know?

- Anybody up?!

Ugh, I still don't get it.

How can a whole town

be off on a Thursday

for no apparent reason?

We're just gonna have to file

when we get back to New York, okay?

- It'll be like it never happened.

- But it did happen.

What happened is tied

to a much larger issue.

Lot's of people get drunk

without tying the knot.

I mean, when one's inhibitions are down,

one acts on one's true feelings.

Sanderson v. Sanderson...

Supreme Court, Illinois, 1993.

You're citing case laws

to support this insanity?

We got married last night for goodness

sake. That means something.

Yeah, it means that we drank too much

and made a mistake again.

- Phooey!

- Hi.

Hi. We just got married.

- Congratulations.

- Thank you.

- Stop telling people.

- She's the first one.

Yeah, but this

kind of news spreads.

I'll come back.

Hmm.

- Oh my God.

- What?

We can't be married

and be opposing counselors.

Why not?

Can I say something?

#We'll look ridiculous.

And no you cannot.

Why not?

We'll be the laughing stock

of the New York bar association

because you will say something

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