Leap Year Page #4

the stairs. You've got 60 seconds.

Oh!

The bottles of alcohol

in your pub are exploding.

What are you

going to grab?

l know exactly

what I'd "grab."

Oh, yeah? What?

Not telling you.

You can dish it,

but you can't take it, can you?

It's really...

It's a castle!

Told you.

So what's the story

with this place?

Well, hundreds

of years ago,

there was this

beautiful girl called Grainne.

Now, she was promised

in marriage to this fella called Fionn,

who was kind of

a cranky old warlord,

old enough to be her father,

old enough to be her grandfather,

and therefore

she wasn't

in love with him.

Anyway, on the night

of their betrothal,

whom did she meet

but a handsome young warrior, Diarmuid.

They fell madly in love

at first sight, but what could she do?

Well, she slips

a sleeping potion in everyone's drinks,

and the pair of them

run off together across the Shannon.

Fionn wakes

and there's Grainne gone. Well, he goes mental.

Takes his army

and heads off in hot pursuit.

But it was the people,

you know, the people in the villages of Ireland,

they took pity on

Diarmuid and Grainne.

They hid them in forests

and in their barns and castles,

where they'd sleep one night

and then they'd move on.

Come on.

Is it safe?

Of course.

Sleep was all they did,

'cause Diarmuid, good man that he was,

was suffering the old guilt

about two-timing Fionn

and out of respect for him,

didn't, you know, take it any further.

l get it.

Oh, yeah.

And then they came

to this castle

and this view.

Wow.

And 'tis said, you know,

that, unable to resist such beauty,

that here,

in this place, they...

They consummated

their love.

Oh, my God.

You're hitting on me.

I'm what?

I'm the young woman

on the eve of her engagement

that can't resist

a handsome stranger? Oh, come on.

I'm what?

You didn't honestly think

that was gonna work, did you?

Don't flatter

yourself, darling. The story's true,

but it sure as shite

ain't about you.

No?

No, you arrogant...

Arrogant what exactly?

Well, that's a tough one.

Is it American?

Oh, no. The train.

Wait! Wait,

l have a ticket!

I'm very...

You just had to take me

up there, didn't you?

One of the seven

wonders of Ireland!

Okay.

Oh, no.

Well, that speeded

things up a bit.

l hate you.

In the old days,

l could have held it for you,

but it's all

"time is money" nowadays.

Come on, now.

Come on, and don't be worrying yourself.

We'll get you to

where you want to go.

Forecast said sunny.

Here we are.

The best little B8B in Tipperary.

Come in. Come in.

Look what

the cat dragged in.

Oh! My poor dears.

You're lucky,

so you are.

Just half an hour ago,

l had two backpackers at the door

wanting the room.

But they weren't married.

Admitted it right out.

No shame.

So l sent them packing.

Right is right,

rain or no rain.

Hmm.

So, it's Mr. and Mrs...

Brady.

O'Callaghan.

Bradycallaghan.

O'Bradycallaghan.

We're not long married,

and it's still quite a mouthful for an American.

l come from a long,

long line of Dingle

O'Bradycallaghans.

We're praying

that one day

we'll be able to have

a son and heir to help keep the name going.

Anna, Declan to you.

Lovely.

Now, let's get you to your room.

Thank you.

After you, petal.

Thank you, sunshine.

Would you like a hand

with the bag, pumpkin?

Well, you're not sleeping

in that bed with me, Mr. O'Bradycallaghan.

Maybe you're not sleeping

in the bed with me.

Very gallant.

Gallant?

Welcome to the age

of equality.

You lot wanted the vote.

Live with it, darling.

Comfy.

We'll flip for it, darling.

Okay, fair's fair.

Heads l win,

tails you lose.

Heads.

Heads it is.

Shame. You can sleep

in the bath.

It's a shower.

You can sleep

in the shower.

Fine.

Just so long as

l don't have to sleep anywhere near you.

I'm washing in the shower

Getting mud off

Love hot water

Got a bruise there

Got a bruise there

Wait a minute. You lying,

deceiving son of a...

Get up! Get up.

Get up.

Whoa! What?

Oh! "Heads you win,

tails l lose."

You finally

got that, did you?

Good for you.

Up! Get up!

This is my bed. Liars forfeit.

And take a shower.

You smell.

Mmm-mmm.

You can see right

through the curtain.

Can you?

Can you?

Okay,

liars forfeit, liars forfeit!

No peeking.

Come in.

Hello, dear.

Everything all right?

Now, for dinner

we've got tripe. Homemade. Family recipe.

Tripe.

Nothing like a bit

of cow's stomach on a rainy day.

Yum. Did you hear that,

darling? Tripe!

Right, tripe.

l was thinking,

Mrs. O'Docherty,

to thank you

for taking us in on such short notice,

why don't you

let me cook?

No, darling,

l couldn't.

Oh, you could.

He's a chef. He's very good.

It's true!

Really?

Well, that's gas.

We've got two Italians

staying, as well. Would that be okay?

No problem at all!

Thanks a million.

Good call.

What the hell

are you doing now?

This recipe says

three medium carrots,

and l just think this one is a little

large to be classified as medium.

And if you look

at these two,

they're clearly medium,

while this one is slightly...

Watch.

Three medium-sized carrots.

You know, l don't think there's anything

wrong with wanting to be precise.

Okay.

Well, then

you must be very,

very precise.

Here's an idea.

Why don't you stop trying

to control everything in the known universe?

It's dinner.

Have a little faith.

It'll all work out.

Heard that one before.

Well, maybe you

should have listened.

Really? You think?

It'll all work out.

My dad was the king of "it'll all work out."

Time shares in the Bahamas,

mobile video stores,

whatever the next

big nothing was,

all our money

went right after it.

But don't worry.

It'll all work out.

Cut to me working

two part-time jobs after school

and us getting our house

repossessed on Christmas Eve. Ho, ho, ho.

So you will forgive me

if l don't listen.

I'm sorry.

No, I'm sorry.

A father's someone

you should be able to rely on, you know?

Anyway, dinner.

We have got

cabbages, a leek,

three medium carrots.

You're not one of those

vegetarians, are you?

No.

Good.

Declan one,

chicken nil.

Sweet.

Coq au vim?

What?

Give me strength.

Don't start telling me

that you've never had chicken stew before.

Of course l have.

I'm wondering where

it is that you think chickens come from.

The freezer section.

l know, l know. l...

You just surprised me.

You keep doing that.

Give me the carrots.

Yes, carrots.

Sorry.

We build up

the temperature a little bit.

You don't need

to chop them. It's hard to hold.

That smells amazing.

Good girl. And...

So this is what

you call staging, is it?

Sort of.

Not too shabby.

Here?

Yeah.

Impeccable.

The chicken

was wonderful.

Wasn't it?

And I'm usually awful at chicken.

Jeremy always says

l make it too dry.

Jeremy?

Oh!

Jeremy. Our...

Our next door neighbor.

Who sometimes

comes by for dinner.

Right, Declan?

Mmm. Yeah, yeah.

He's a lovely old soul.

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