Leap Year Page #5

Yeah.

A little bit

learning difficulties, you know.

Tells everyone

he's a cardiologist. It's a scream.

But he's a happy chap,

you know.

He's got a little thing,

bless him, for her.

Antique, Frank?

Antique, yeah. Like me.

Wedding present,

they were.

It's only 44 years,

you cheeky rascal!

See?

That's what it takes to be married for 44 years.

The kiss.

Always kiss like

it's the first time and the last time.

Grand.

Well, come on then, son.

Show us old ones

how it's done.

Sorry?

Well, I've kissed

my wife.

Stefano has certainly

kissed his wife.

No, we're fine.

We did it earlier, kiss.

Done and dusted.

A bit of chivalry, man.

You know what I'm saying?

Oh! That's perfect.

lf that was a kiss,

I'm surprised you're still wed to him at all.

No, no,

they're shy, that's all.

Yes. Really shy.

You're among friends!

You're young,

married, in love!

Anyone can see that.

Damn it, man.

Kiss the girl!

Brayo!

There you go.

Now that's a kiss!

It's quite wet.

Show a little mercy,

would you?

All right.

But one snore

and you're back in the shower.

Great.

Who'd have thought

it'd take two days to get to Dublin?

l have to charge you

an overnighter, by the way.

Surprise.

Fifty.

Seventy-five it is.

Running total 675.

Fine.

If it's all about money for you, then 675 it is.

Good night.

Night.

I'm so sorry

I'm not there yet.

You can't imagine

what I've been through.

Worse than when

they lost our luggage in Barbados?

Like that times 10.

l just... l just

can't wait to see you.

Well, maybe this

will cheer you up.

l just heard from the board,

and we got the apartment!

What?

Yeah.

l just got off the phone

with Edith. It's ours.

Ah! Jeremy!

That is exactly

what l needed to hear this morning.

Everything

is working out for us. I'm so excited.

We'll have to

celebrate in person when you get here.

We sure will.

Hurry up already.

I miss you.

l miss you, too.

Morning.

Yeah.

Oh, is this for me?

Yeah.

Morning, lovebirds!

Sleep well, did you?

Yes, thank you.

So, what's on

the agenda today, then?

Mmm. Off to Dublin

for me.

Well, you can't

do that now.

Why not?

This is Sunday.

Never start a journey

on a Sunday, or a full moon.

Oh, well, l don't believe

in that superstition stuff.

How are you

on train timetables? Do you believe in them?

Sunday.

No trains.

No trains?

No.

Oh! For God's sake.

l have to be in Dublin

by the 29th. That's tomorrow.

Why is that

again, darling?

Fine. Okay.

Frank,

you have a car, don't you?

Oh, yes.

Yes.

Okay. l could...

l would be willing to pay you

a substantial amount of money

if you would

maybe drive me.

No.

Oh! It's not

the money, girl. It's Eileen.

She's got it.

Gone to Mass.

Then the weekly shop,

you know.

Okay, well, then

when she's back, you...

She won't be back

till all hours.

Why?

It's a fair old jaunt

to Dublin.

Where is she?

Dublin.

Bingo!

What?

Bus station's

that way.

What?

Knock it off.

It's hailstones.

Are you serious?

Ow!

Run!

Come on. It's fecking

Murphy's Law with you.

Come on!

l got Louis.

Don't worry.

Ow!

Those sting!

The size

of golf balls!

Jesus Christ!

Is Lord.

Have you any just cause

or impediment why this man and this woman

should not be

joined together in holy matrimony?

No, no, Father.

You carry on.

I'm sure that they know

what they're doing.

Good. In that case,

you're very welcome. Why don't you sit down?

Come on.

Dublin. We should be making tracks.

No.

The priest is gonna give us a ride

to the bus station

when it's over.

We can walk!

I'm not walking

another four hours in these shoes.

Besides, look

how beautiful it all is.

l kind of

hate weddings.

Why? Because people are in

love? That's so offensive to you?

Yeah.

You know,

you have all of these

random opinions and a bad attitude.

What do you know?

You're clearly not married,

and you have obviously

never been engaged.

Actually, l have.

Once.

l don't want to

interrupt a good party,

but l want to say

thank you to my husband.

l want to say,

may you never steal, lie or cheat.

But if you must steal,

then steal away

my sorrows.

And if you must lie,

lie with me

all the nights of my life.

And if you must cheat,

then please cheat death,

because l couldn't

live a day without you.

Cheers!

Are you all right?

Grand. You know,

it's just hot in there.

Do you want

to talk about it?

Listen,

Bob.

You're not

in America now.

You're in Ireland.

So, have a drink.

Shut up.

l was just

trying to help.

Help?

Yeah.

That's hilarious.

The woman who's so desperate,

she's diddly-eying her way to Dublin,

making the most

important decision of her life

based on some

ridiculous tradition,

which, frankly,

is a load of old poo.

So, thank you,

but it's not l who needs the help, okay?

It is not

a load of poo.

It's romantic.

It's really,

really romantic.

I'm not good

at weddings.

They're better with

a couple martinis.

Okay, thank you very much!

We're going to do

a special request now for the bridesmaids.

Want a go?

No. No, l don't...

l don't Riverdance.

Do you never let

your hair down, woman?

Yes.

In my way, l do.

Good.

Now, this is an easy one.

You'll pick it up. Just follow them.

We're going in a circle

going that way.

No, no,

put me down!

I'm really sorry.

l was spinning.

Forget about it. At least

it wasn't my husband.

Yeah. Right.

At least it wasn't him.

I'm...

l thought

l was bad at weddings.

Aren't you supposed to be

taking me to Dublin?

Well, just tell me when.

As ever, your servant awaits.

You know what,

Declan?

Do you know

what you are?

Mmm-hmm.

You're a beast.

You're a real

beast.

Hmm.

And l cannot

stand you.

Really?

Mmm-hmm.

But you know what?

I'm onto you.

Is that right?

All your beastishness

is like...

It's an act.

It's a great, big,

massive cover-up.

And you growl

and you snap, but you are in...

You're in pain.

And you've got a...

You've got a big thorn

in your beasty paw.

Like a lion.

A lovely, lovely lion.

Great.

I'm sorry.

That's romantic.

Up you come. Up!

God, you're a lump.

My suitcase!

Don't worry about Louis.

I'll get him.

You're joking me.

Perfect.

You can

deduct the coffee from my bill.

Deduct away.

Don't forget to add on for a new pair of shoes,

Pukey.

Put them in the wash,

they'll be grand.

You missed your bus.

There's another one

in 20 minutes.

Oh, God. Am l still

coming with you?

l am paying you

to take me to Dublin

and you're taking me

to Dublin.

That's fine.

Thank you.

He's out.

l left a message

with the front desk.

So, Dublin.

Right on time.

So l suppose

l should pay you.

l suppose you should.

There'll be an at the hotel.

Right, so I'll be

portering again, will l?

Not if you don't

want to.

l didn't say that.

We can get a cab.

You've got legs,

haven't you, woman?

My best feature,

so I'm told.

Who told you that?

It's a beautiful city.

And l haven't seen

one backstabbing snake.

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