Learning New Things About Ourselves Page #2

[Logan]:
Oh, but YOU can talk to them.

[Roman]:
Yes! To clear up your bad behavior.

[Logan]:
MY bad behavior?

[Roman]:
You know how are our arguments should always go, Logan?

[Logan]:
My bad behavior...

(Roman and Logan continue fighting)

[Patton]:
(To Viewers) Uhh, hey kids, daddy and daddy are just having a little discussion. That's all. Just focus on daddy and everything will be A-OK, here we go! *makes silly noises*

[Thomas]:
Uh, guys…

[Patton]:
-gasps- I know that face. My child is returning...

[Virgil]:
-grumbling-

[Thomas]:
Virgil's here! It's not a party... until I have anxiety.

[Virgil]:
Thomas, you have got to do something about this!

[Thomas]:
Do something about what?

(Roman and Logan still arguing)

[Virgil]:
Are you kidding?

[Thomas]:
But... this is what they always do. You know that. (background bleep) I mean, I thought they had it a little figured out a bit ago... They had that one debate (background bleep) that ended pretty well, and heck they sang a song together!

[Virgil]:
Yeah, I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say maybe - MAYBE - there's still some things to work out.

[Patton]:
Right! Like confronting his feelings, which is what I was saying! Thank you, you shadowy, but angelic songbird!

[Virgil]:
You got it, Pop Star.

[Patton]:
-deep gasp- (High-pitched) You gave me a dad-themed nickname!

[Thomas]:
Guys I don't know what you're talking about, this is pretty par (background bleep) for the course. Sure, it's not ideal. But I don't know if it's (background bleep) a (background bleep) big deal either.

[Roman]:
Oh! And another thing- Oh, when did Virgil get here?

[Virgil]:
Yeah, definitely not ideal.

[Patton]:
I don't know, Thomas. Your heart AND your anxiety are telling ya the same thing here.

[Logan]:
What, have you two formed some kind of team?

[Patton]:
Only the bestest mostest dynamicist duoist-- duo-- in the entire Thomasphere!

[Virgil]:
Got that right.

[Patton]:
Ahhh!

*Stretching noises as Patton and Virgil high five*

[Thomas]:
-gags-

*Stretching noises*

[Thomas]:
Guys! You gotta stop the stretchy-arm thing that's been happening lately. It's gross. Like, it's really gross.

[Virgil]:
Ahem, -finger snaps- okay, listen up you two because I'm getting real tired of this. Roman- You get super insecure for some reason and, when that happens, the work suffers.

[Roman]:
-scoffs defensively- Wha-at?

[Virgil]:
And Logan, you get upset anytime anyone throws a wrench into the system, or really any time things aren't working perfectly, so, you start acting like a jerk and making everyone feel stupid.

[Roman]:
I'm not insecure!

[Logan]:
Well, someone has to bring you all into line.

[Roman]:
Uh, bring ME into line?

[Logan]:
I'm the one who ensures that order is maintained!

[Roman]:
Without me, you'd have nothing to maintain in the first place!

[Logan and Roman]: I'm the most important side here!

[Thomas]:
Uh, so.. was there a point to that Virge? Or...?

[Virgil]:
Yeah, that this isn't normal. Look I'm not choosing sides here -

[Patton]:
Sanders Sides!

[Virgil]:
All I'm saying is that you both suck at what you do and I'm tired of having to keep lighting fires under your butts.

[Logan]:
You what!?

[Roman]:
I am not about to stand here...

[Virgil]:
Look, it's no offense, it's just how I see it.

[Roman]:
...and be criticized by the dude who's always causing trouble.

[Logan]:
Do you have even the faintest idea how dangerous that is? I never even felt any heat!

[Roman]:
I-I will roll with your fire idiom, alright?

[Virgil]:
I'm being upfront, I'm shooting straight, even though I'm gay.

[Roman]:
Fire can be a bad thing!

[Logan]:
You're lucky that your acts of arson have seemingly settled themselves in the past...

[Roman]:
I mean...

[Thomas]:
See? Totally normal.

[Roman]:
...just watch The Jungle Book.

[Logan]:
...or you could have seriously hurt someone.

[Virgil]:
Do you guys think it's easy to stay calm with you two arguing all the time??

[Patton]:
Okay, okay! Calm Down Time!

*Patton passes a coloring book to Roman*

[Roman]:
Ooo.

[Patton]:
I think we all need a little bit of... Not Talking Time! *passes fidget toy to Virgil* -nervous laugh- Alright... *tosses a Rubix cube to Logan* Here ya go, Logan.

[Thomas]:
Wow. -laughs- I mean, if only I could be settled that easil-

*Patton turns on TV*

[Thomas]:
Ooh. (Parks & Rec opening is heard)

[Virgil]:
I like the one with the buttons - wait, no! We do this too much!

[Thomas]:
Yeah, I really should start watching a different show.

[Patton]:
Yeah. (Turns off TV)

[Virgil]:
No, I mean, yes, you should but I'm talking about this! This is part of the problem. We keep having this same problem, but instead of facing it and fixing it, we just... find a distraction.

[Logan]:
*tosses completed Rubix cube away* Virgil's right. We argue and argue until it’s utter chaos, then you distract yourself and forget about the issue until you're reminded of it again. We're trapped in a figurative Sisyphean nightmare.

[Roman]:
You don't have to say "figurative" Logan. We know that we're not literally trapped in a nightmare. *shows drawing from coloring book* I drew a little outside the lines but I kind of like it.

[Logan]:
Reality is uncertain to the point that many of history's greatest philosophical minds have spent their entire lives questioning it. A little clarity never hurt anybody.

[Patton]:
Thomas, this cycle might be exactly what's causing these issues that are uptown funking you up.

[Thomas]:
Wait, so we're stuck in a loop?

[Patton]:
You can say that again.

[Thomas]:
We're stuck in a loop?

[Patton]:
You can say that again.

[Thomas]:
We're stuck in a loop?

[Patton]:
You can say that agai--

[Roman]:
Oh my gosh, I will kill both of you... with my bare hands! ...and this sword.

[Virgil]:
That just proved it. Loops are the worst.

[Patton]:
Hey, some loops are fun! Fruit..

*everyone waits for the rest of the word*

[Logan]:
Oh, he's done.

[Thomas]:
Oh I thought he was gonna- gonna list them out.

[Logan]:
No, that was his... that was his whole statement.

[Thomas]:
Okay. Well if I am in this so-called "loop"-

[Roman]:
You were the first person to call it a loop.

[Thomas]:
How do I get out of it?

[Virgil]:
The situation is pretty cut-and-dry, isn't it? You guys just cut it out.

[Roman]:
I'm doing nothing wrong.

[Logan]:
*whips out flashcard saying "Samesies"* Same-size.

[Thomas]:
Yeah, I gotta say I don't see anything wrong there either.

[Virgil]:
Wha- you- I-

[Thomas]:
Now, any other solutions on this whole loop-breaking thing?

[Roman]:
Um...

[Virgil]:
I mean, I don't know. I don't know. I guess, I don't know.

[Logan]:
If there's a problem, forego looking in my direction. If there were a line dividing this room into two segments, separating those of us who are potentially at fault and those of us who are certainly not at fault, you would find that I stand beyond the fault line.

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