Learning New Things About Ourselves Page #3

[Thomas]:
Okay, Roman? Anything, bud?

[Roman]:
You, uh, you always do your best thinking in the shower. So, uhh, get naked? Everybody get naked? Everyone, get-?

[Virgil]:
No, stop. No one is getting naked.

[Thomas]:
Guys, come on! I'm apparently stuck in this endless cycle and I don't know why I can't just break it!

[Patton]:
-gasps- Thomas! That's it!

[Thomas]:
What?

[Patton]:
I don't know!

[Virgil]:
Then why did you-

[Patton]:
No, YOU don't know!

[Roman]:
I'm confused.

[Patton]:
Virgil said this problem is cut-and-dry, but then you said you don't know why you can't break the cycle! Maybe it's because this problem is the opposite of cut and dry!

[Logan]:
Intact and wet!

[Patton]:
No, uh gosh words can be tough. Um... It's not just that you don't know, but it's that you don't know that you don't know. And that's okay! I mean, there's lots of stuff that I don't know that I don't know.

[Virgil]:
What's he saying?

[Thomas]:
I don't know.

[Thomas, Roman, and Patton]: THIRD BASE!

[Patton]:
Yeah… no, that's funny.

[Logan]:
Oh, I think I do. Sometimes, we don't seek the answer to a question because we don't know that there's a question that we should be asking in the first place- Patton! You're... good. That was helpful.

[Patton]:
Yee.

[Thomas]:
Okay, so I need to be asking myself a question in order to get down to the bottom of this issue.

[Roman]:
But what is the question?

[Logan]:
That is the question, for now. The answer to that question is... the question.

[Virgil]:
Guys, I'm barely following this.

[Logan]:
Perhaps it's time to put on our cogitating caps.

[Thomas]:
You mean our... figurative cogitating caps, right, Logan-? Nope, it's literal. All right, cool. Well, keep me updated over there. Alright, come on guys! We've got an issue. Something that I'm not aware of yet, something that may be unlocked with the right question. This is like... fundamental learning! How did I used to learn things?

[Logan]:
Textbooks.

[Virgil and Roman]: Mistakes.

[Patton]:
Puppets!

[Thomas]:
What?

[Logan]:
You know he always shouts out random things, Thomas, ignore it.

[Virgil]:
Or we could hear him out. He's already made one valid point today.

[Roman]:
We're talking about hearing him out in regards to him shouting "puppets"?

[Patton]:
Yeah, no, really! Think about it! Thomas used to learn all kinds of new and helpful things from puppets when he was younger! Like how to count and his ABCs. Maybe, it'll be easier to work through issues when puppets are involved!

[Logan]:
Fair enough, but he's an adult now. He's outgrown all of that--

[Thomas]:
Patton, I love that idea!

[Logan]:
(Under breath) What...

[Roman]:
Uhh, I love it, too!

[Virgil]:
Funny. You seemed so doubtful a second ago.

[Logan]:
I guess I won't be needing this.

[Thomas]:
Okay. So, how's this gonna work? Are we all gonna have our own puppets or-

[Patton]:
*as a puppet* (Kermit the Frog voice) YAAYYY!

[Thomas]:
-screams-

[Patton]:
Oh! Sorry, kiddo, I- I just always wanted to do the old Kermit "YAY!"

[Thomas]:
Oh. *Nervous laugh* Me too... uhm. That's what I was doing. You definitely didn't actually scare me.

[Virgil]:
Ahem, you're a dork. (To Patton) Look at you.

[Thomas]:
Yeah, cute puppet, Patton! It was- I was just a little caught off guard- just a little bit.

[Patton]:
Thanks! Yeah, I figured we could do something simple and fun, you know, no need for anything too extravagant or-

[Roman]:
*as a puppet* All right, here's what I threw together. It's nothing special. Really. What do you guys think? Did I overdo the chin?

[Patton]:
Wow!

[Thomas]:
Eh.. Maybe. But you look great Roman!

[Logan]:
Oh, no…

[Patton]:
Check out Jim Handsome over here, right?

[Virgil]:
Woww… You are… unbelievably extra any chance you get.

[Roman]:
Oh, put a sock in it!

[Patton]:
Hey Roman, fleece co- -laughs- Fleece Cumpleaños. -laughs- 'Cause you're made of fleece?

[Logan]:
Is this- this is where- this is definitely where we're going?

[Patton]:
-gasps- Your turn Virgil?

[Roman]:
Unless you'd rather be called Camilla the… Chicken.

[Thomas]:
Stop, Roman, only if he wants to.

[Virgil]:
No, I-I do. If it'll help. -sighs- Okay, how do I do this? *strains* *as a puppet* Well... there.

[Patton]:
-screams- So cute!

[Roman]:
Sweet Coraline!

[Patton and Thomas]: ♪ Ba ba ba! ♪

[Virgil]:
Yes, I am a puppet. Here to take you on a magical journey through your feel-, oh this was a mistake. I can't do this.

[Thomas]:
No, this is great! I really think this could work! Oh, Logan, you're up!

[Logan]:
If by "up", you mean that I am not down to do this, you are correct.

[Thomas]:
Wha-?

[Roman]:
Oh, big surprise coming from No-Funsen Honeydew... DOO! Last second edition there. Made it, stuck the landing.

[Patton]:
Aw, Logan, come on! We need you at the table if we're gonna be learning.

[Logan]:
Please. It has become quite clear that me co-signing all of your ridiculous antics is just a formality. When all of you decided on using puppets to address a serious issue, logic was already figuratively thrown out the window.

[Roman]:
-sigh- Again, you don't have to use the word "figuratively". We KNOW that you weren't literally thrown out of a window!

[Logan]:
How? Have you been watching me constantly?

[Patton]:
Don't assume, Roman! You know what happens when you assume? You make an "as" out of "su" and "me".

[Logan]:
-sigh- Thank you Patton. I just don't want to concern anybody by suggesting I was thrown through a window. I wanted to communicate "Five by Five" that I'm "Five by Five".

[Thomas]:
It's okay Roman. His intentions are there. I mean who does going above and beyond with clarity hurt?

[Roman]:
Going above and beyond? -laughs- More like going overboard. It's stupid.

[Logan]:
-intakes breath- -screams- *throws crumpled paper at Roman*

[Roman]:
OW! Oh my gosh, oh my gosh...

[Patton]:
-worried- Meep meep!

[Roman]:
You hit me in the eye. You hit me in the eye, you freaking BOOKGERM!

[Virgil]:
Geez, L, that was pretty rough.

[Logan]:
I-I'm sorry. I don't know what that was. Maybe I should go.

[Patton]:
NO! We are NOT about to leave it there, mister! We can't continue this convo... if you're gone-zo.

[Thomas]:
That's right! Look, Logan... You can be like one of those Sesame Street human friends!

[Logan]:
Like Maria?

[Thomas]:
Like Maria!

[Logan]:
Okay. I mean, a more accurate comparison would be that you're our Big Bird and we're all your... Snuffleupagodes.

[Thomas]:
Eh, pre-1985! Before they canonically confirmed that Snuffleupagus wasn't imaginary!

[Logan]:
Of course. (quietly) Clarity.

[Roman]:
Hmph.

[Logan]:
Okay, so... You're puppets. Care to explain to me how this is going to help?

[Patton]:
Well, we could start by having an open and honest conversation about our feelings.

[Thomas]:
-deep breath-

[Roman]:
Mmmm...

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