Leatherheads Page #6

like, not the least of which is intelligence.

If you write that story,

I'll have your job.

You wouldn't be very good at it.

- You're quick, too.

- And I got great legs.

First thing I noticed.

The story runs tomorrow.

See you tomorrow, Lexie.

- Let's get this over with.

- Yeah.

Outside.

Go ahead. Throw one.

No, you're the injured party.

You get the first punch.

That's not bad.

Now when I get up, I'm

going to punch you back.

I just want to say,

stay away from my right knee.

Watch my left shoulder.

I will.

Also my right hindquarter.

Behind my right thigh, but

really, the whole hindquarter.

Well, you wouldn't punch me in the back,

would you? Because I got a bad back.

No, never.

- Let's just go for the face.

- Me too, just hit me in the face.

Say, Harvey, I'm coming home.

Did you get him?

I got him, but you're not gonna like it.

It's going to read, "We wanted a war

hero so badly, we went out and got one."

You did your job. Now,

come on home and write it.

You know something, Harvey?

Sometimes this job stinks.

A lot of times, kid. See you tomorrow.

Yeah, I'll see you tomorrow.

That ought to hold you.

How's your hand?

I didn't mean to hurt it with my face.

I think I'll play for Chicago.

I thought you should know.

Good team.

When you going?

Tomorrow.

We play Chicago Sunday.

I know.

Well, then we'll just have to beat you.

Not likely.

This ought to be good.

Nice turnout.

Gentlemen, thank you very much

for coming out this morning.

I will be brief. Two

days ago, the Tribune

made a salacious and quite

outrageous accusation that my client,

Carter Rutherford, a great war hero,

was less than truthful about

his service to his country.

They produced one witness.

Anonymously. One man, who'd served

alongside Carter on the frontlines.

The only other

corroborating story came from

Miss Lexie Littleton, who claimed

that Carter confessed to her

that his war story was a lie.

However, I have with me today

Mr Mack Steiner, a

veteran of the Great War.

Mr Steiner, please.

Hello. My name is

Lieutenant Mack Steiner.

I am a veteran of the Great War.

I also served with Mr

Rutherford in that war.

And I think what would

be of most interest to you

is that I am the source the Tribune

has quoted in its damning article.

All I can tell you is that

article, written by Miss Littleton,

is filled with half-truths

and exaggerated facts.

The whole truth

is that Mr Rutherford is a war hero.

I was honoured to serve with him!

So who got to you, Mack?

How much you getting paid?

Once again we...

How much are you

getting paid, huh, Mack?

We demand that the

Tribune issue an apology

and recant this story immediately!

Come back, Miss Littleton!

Come back and face your critics!

Ladies and gentlemen.

Ladies and gentlemen!

Good morning, folks.

My name is Pete Harpen.

I was a prosecutor for

the State of Wisconsin

until 10:
00 a.m. this morning.

At that time, Congress appointed me the

Commissioner of Professional Football.

This new job will start

immediately, and my first charge

will be to get to the bottom of

this scandal, and then move on.

That means rules adhered to,

codes of ethics, owners, players.

Everything pertaining to football

will now have me to answer to.

And that means right now the

Chicago Tribune has me to answer to.

So, fellas, I think this

press conference is concluded.

It doesn't matter. You're

writing a retraction.

- But I didn't make it up. The story's true.

- That part doesn't matter.

There must have been nine

or ten other soldiers there.

Give me a chance to round them up.

Mickey already found five or six. Private

Mike Stone, Private Henry Maggio...

- They all say none of them will talk.

- Little more time, Harvey.

Well, I'll get somebody. I'll find a

couple of those krauts if I have to.

We don't have the time, God damn it.

We're cutting our

losses and getting out.

I'm not gonna write it. You can grab

one of these clowns if you want to,

but I'm the one getting

my wings clipped.

Sorry, Harvey. Lexie, there's

somebody here to see you.

- Who?

- Dodge Connelly.

Tell him I'm not here.

I heard that!

God damn it.

You know, Dodge, you've got a knack

for showing up at the perfect time.

- Some call it a skill.

- Did you come to gloat?

- I was just in the neighbourhood.

- Chicago. Just out for a stroll?

- Can I talk to you in private?

- Fine.

So, ready for the big game Sunday?

- Not really.

Queer, you saying that. I've never

known you to quit before a game.

Well, we got ourselves a

new football commissioner.

He doesn't like the

way we play the game.

I know your new appointee.

I've been called to the carpet. I got to

go in tomorrow and lay before the king.

- You get to keep your job?

- If I play by their rules.

So play by their rules. It's fourth

down. Punt, you'll get the ball back.

- Punt?

- That's what I'd do.

You would, would you?

You get him again next Sunday.

You go find the rest of the

soldiers, and you get the real story.

We called them all. None of

them will go on the record.

So now what, Mr Newspaper

Man? Statue of Liberty play?

- Quit.

- Quit? And do what, Dodge?

- Get married.

- There's a fine idea.

Can't make it in the big

tough man's world, so get out.

And who should I marry, Dodge?

- A farmer? Be a milkmaid?

- Nothing wrong with football players.

Nothing wrong with them?

There's nothing right with them.

Grown men in tights and headgear.

Is that what you came

down here for, Dodge?

To sweep me away from all of this

dull newspaper stuff to get married?

- As a matter of fact it was.

- Well, tomorrow I've got to...

It was?

Lexie, Carter Rutherford

on the line for you.

Lexie?

Should I tell him you're busy?

You're busy.

Oh, nuts.

This better be good.

Sure is a mess.

Gonna get worse.

For somebody.

Is that what you wanted to say?

Probably not.

I'll see you at the hearing, Carter.

I'm sure you'll get everything you want.

Probably not.

A shot of whisky, please.

What do you think?

About?

We got a shot at beating Chicago now?

You kidding? We had them

beat when we pulled in.

Yup.

How about that Lexie?

Who'd have thought it?

Not me.

I liked her, too.

Stand ready, boys.

Say, Mac. Give me some beers and a

bottle of your second-finest bourbon.

Thank you.

A toast! A toast!

To the greatest football

team in the world!

- Chicago!

- To Chicago!

To the Bulldogs!

To the greatest game in the world!

Get the hell off me, sh*t for brains!

Put the boy down, a**hole.

We were just horsing around.

There's no need to call

people names, Grandpa.

Now, I appreciate that

you fellows are in uniform,

so I'm going to give you an opportunity

to extract yourself from this situation.

- To do what?

- Back off the throttle, kid.

I sure do hate to hit an old man.

Sorry, Dodge.

Hey, Dodge!

Eddie?

Jesus, it's been years. You look great!

You do, too. You still in uniform?

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