Leatherheads Page #5

way out, you lay down your rifle

and yell, "Ich gebe auf,"

otherwise they'll shoot you.

Ich gebe auf!

We were nearly out of ammo, we

were down to about nine fellas,

and we had this plan that we

were gonna speak enough German

to get us out of there. Take

our chances in a war camp.

All through the night the fighting

continued, until we were all out of ammo.

Sitting ducks. And we

had been up for 36 hours.

That, and the drinking...

Okay, fellas, we ain't taking

this spot any time soon.

So let's call it a night and try again.

I don't know how long I was there.

But it had to have been a few hours,

because by that time, the

Jerries had taken the foxhole.

But I was so covered

up, they never saw me.

And I never saw them.

I knew we were goners, so I jumped

up, and I yelled, "Ich gebe auf!"

- Ich gebe auf!

- Ich gebe auf!

They thought I was one of them,

so they just dropped their weapons.

They just gave up.

Ich gebe auf! I'm unarmed!

And it was right about then that I

started to have a really bad feeling.

Carter?

When it was all sorted out,

the Lieutenant thought it was best

if we all just kept our mouths shut.

One for The Times, Private.

Let the chips fall where they may.

And then the story got bigger.

The President gave you a medal.

I would have made liars

out of all the fellas.

We were stuck.

That's a lot of

responsibility for a young man.

I grew up pretty fast.

It's quite a story.

And now you know.

Are we still friends?

There's this one joint off of Halstead

that's at the bottom of a meat locker.

Hey, Mikey. And you have to

walk through all this meat,

like hanging beef, like

beef, like bacon beef.

And by the time you get in

there, you smell like a brewery.

Butcher shop.

- Butcher shop.

Mr Ziegfeld says that I'm the

best dancer in the line-up.

- You don't say.

- Yeah.

My kicks are so high that

I almost knock myself out.

That's dangerous.

- Yeah, well...

And I'm super flexible, too.

I can arch my back so

that my head hits my heels.

Watch yourself there.

Is Carter Rutherford very tall?

'Cause he looks really tall.

But maybe that's just

because you're kind of short.

Hey.

- Hiya, Dodge. Come on in.

- Hey, Sully.

- Evening, Dodge.

- Mr Mayor.

You know the Mayor?

I ought to. I voted for him

five times in the last election.

Well, if it isn't Dodge

Connelly, middle-aged boy wonder.

Why, Lexie Littleton, breaking curfew.

I won't tell if you don't.

Let me introduce you to

Miss Belinda Whippleworth.

- A pleasure.

- Charmed.

I have to pee.

Enchanting girl. I thought you had to

be 21 to get into a place like this.

She is 21.

I meant her IQ.

I wasn't planning on

running her for Congress.

No? What were you

planning on doing with her?

You know, the usual.

Put her in shoulder pads and a

helmet, and knock her brains out?

I think somebody beat me to it.

She'll do well in Congress.

You're only as young

as the women you feel.

How quiet it must be at the

Algonquin with you here in Duluth.

So, are you flying solo, or

is the Bullet casting about?

What do you care? You're here

to entertain Miss Nipplewidth.

It wouldn't look good for you to

get caught in a place like this.

I'd dare say it wouldn't look good for

anyone to be caught in a place like this.

Come on, let's dance.

Hey.

Come on.

What happened tonight?

Our boy's taken a liking to yours truly.

Seems mutual, if you ask me.

So much so

that he felt compelled to clear his

conscience on his Sergeant York routine.

You mean he didn't take out a

whole platoon with a bow and arrow?

It's a raid! Let's go!

Everybody beat it! Get out of here!

Wait, wait, wait!

Go, go.

Would you have someone bring a bottle

of whisky and some ice to Room 404?

I'm sorry, sir, we don't...

Of course, sir. Excuse

me for one minute.

Ambassador Hotel.

Excuse me?

I'm sorry, Miss Littleton

is out for the evening.

May I take a message?

And who shall I say is calling?

Harvey?

Yes. From the Tribune.

Yes, "Boy Wonder." Right.

Yes. "Cook his..."

I'm sorry, how do you

spell that? Oh, "goose."

Yes, good. All right.

Thank you... Thank you, Harvey.

Stop, you two! Stop or I shoot!

- He says he'll shoot!

- He always says that.

I thought you said he always says that!

He does, just before he shoots.

Give me that.

Don't do it!

We got your mother here.

She wants to talk to you!

Johnny, come on down, Son!

Let's talk about this!

I don't want to live any more!

Johnny, please come down!

No!

All right, follow my lead.

We don't want to live any more, either!

Who are you?

What difference does it make?

We're going to kill ourselves!

Wait a minute! Wait a minute!

Don't do anything drastic!

It's too late!

Come on.

Goodbye, cruel world!

Here they come!

Thanks, fellas!

Hey, look, there's two more!

Mom?

Say, CC.

Did you say anything to

Miss Littleton tonight

that might compromise

your service record?

- No.

- She's a reporter, Carter.

No, nothing she'd repeat.

- Let me buy you a drink.

- I don't drink.

You will.

So then he jumps up and he

yells, "I give up!" in German,

and the Jerries think he's one of

them, because of the rain and the mud.

You got a little soot in your eye.

So you see, he's not

this big war hero, but...

I don't know.

Ich gebe auf. Do you know

what that means? Ich gebe auf?

"I give up" or something.

Here, close your eye.

Let me see.

Now let me see.

That's got it.

You know that sad Sunday

night feeling you'd get

when you knew the next day

you'd be back in school?

I've got that feeling right now.

Listen.

You wouldn't be surprised to

hear that I'm nuts about you.

You got guys telling you...

- I've got some decisions to make.

- In a minute.

Come on, I'll walk you.

CC tells me you're printing that story.

I haven't decided.

- You're not a reporter. You're a liar.

- Slow down there, Kaiser.

If you just wanted a story, then why

didn't the Trib send one of their hacks

with a cigar stuffed in their snout?

But, no, they sent you to

snuggle up and play nice.

I never was much for cigars, but

if it'd make you feel better...

Maybe I should just leave

$20 on the bed stand.

Take it easy, Carter.

I thought you liked me.

Look, she's too old for you.

What? Well, you're too old for me!

You got me on that one.

Why I ever let you...

Wait. Where were you two?

- Out.

- Nowhere.

Did you kiss her?

- Now, wait a minute!

- I want answers!

Yeah, I kissed her! On the mouth,

twice! And I liked it a lot.

- You did, did you?

- Yeah.

- Thanks.

- You're welcome.

Okay, well, we can do this

right here, or we can go outside.

Get him, Dodge.

- We got a game in five days.

- What?

- What, you think you're gonna hurt me?

- I might.

- Did you hear what he just called me?

- He's a little drunk.

I am not drunk, you coward!

Really? 'Cause your sleeve's on fire.

Really?

You two are a pair.

You've created quite a stir, Lexie.

I'm just getting started.

You know, you have many qualities that I

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