Legally Blonde 2: Red, White & Blonde Page #5

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of my dog's captive mother.

I'm not sure

I followed all that...

but you got my attention.

If there's one thing

I know how to do...

it's rinse and repeat.

Shall we?

Excuse me,

do you happen to have a--

- Get lost!

- Excuse me, sir!

- Do you have a--

- No, I'm busy.

Sir, could I use a section

of your newspaper?

We're late for

your doggie spa appointment.

- Here you go.

- Thank you, young lady.

No problem. What kind

of world would this be...

if we didn't help each other out

every once in a while?

Have a good day.

What do you want, Bruiser?

Bruiser, honey, come on.

We have to go. We're late.

We have to get to

the doggie spa, remember?

Will it be Swedish

or shiatsu massage today?

Come on.

Come on. We gotta get you

to the puppy pretty parlor.

Redhead, down.

Up next is Stanford Marks...

Southern conservative,

NRA spokesman.

How about tulips?

No, no, the calla lily

is this year's tulip.

- For weddings?

- It's all about the calla.

What would I do without you?

I couldn't do anything

without you, Sid.

You're going to get

this bill through, Elle.

An honest voice

is louder than a crowd's.

Just trust your voice.

Bruiser? Oh, my God.

I'll be right back.

Pilates for Poodles?

That's Tuesday at 2:30.

Pilates for Poodles?

That's Tuesday at 2:30.

- The page said it was urgent!

- They said it was urgent.

- Please tell me he's OK.

- What's wrong with Leslie?

We have it under control now...

but your Rottweiler

has been humping...

your little dog,

and vice versa.

Your Chihuahua's quite

the little leaper, young lady.

Takes a running start.

Hell, what can I say?

My Rottweiler's a stallion.

In our household, we fully

support a healthy curiosity.

Testosterone is natural.

Wait. Did you say stallion?

Wait a minute. Your dog...

the one wearing that ridiculous

pink skirt in the park?

Why would she have testosterone?

That wasn't a skirt,

it was a skort.

- Men wear skorts.

- Uh-huh.

What the heck is a skort?

And what does a man wearing one

got to do with it?

All right! Leslie is a Les.

The Rottweiler is a guy...

and Bruiser is a male dog

who enjoys wearing pastel.

The canines are both male.

Your dogs are gay.

All the signs were there.

I just didn't see them.

Most dogs

like to chew your shoes...

and Bruiser liked to wear mine.

I just thought

he liked the height.

You just want

what's best for them.

Doesn't matter

if they're the smartest...

or the strongest

or the best diggers.

As long as they're happy.

Why me? Why my dog?

I told Doris not

to buy it in Dupont Circle.

That damn homosexual

puppy boutique.

Stanford Marks, by the way.

You can call me Stan.

Elle Woods.

Very nice to meet you.

You're the girl with

the perfumed poo baggies.

I'm the woman with

the scented waste receptacles.

Wait!

Congressman Stanford Marks?

As in the Southern

conservative...

NRA spokesman Alabama

Republican Stanford Marks?

One and the same.

It's a pleasure

to make your acquaintance.

No, Congressman,

the pleasure is all mine.

- Well...

- Believe me.

Here's to getting things

done the Washington way.

Your chief of staff

has just gotten herself...

a meeting with--wait for it--

Chairman Stan Marks...

in just four short weeks.

- Congratulations, Grace.

- Yes!

Oh, yes.

OK, who wants to bet...

over-under

on Ms. Woods departure?

Right now it's at six days.

- Reena?

- No, thanks.

- Reena?

- No, thanks.

Come on. Anybody?

Who wants to take

over six days?

I'll take it, Grace.

I've been so busy.

I'm sorry I'm late.

Reena, could you be a pal

and just tell me...

what I'm doing

a week from tomorrow?

By the way, that outfit

looks fantastic on you.

It really brings out

the color in your eyes.

Thanks.

It's on my "I brake for

sample sales" bookmark.

wedding cake frosting.

rehearse hearing speech.

Commerce committee hearing.

exfoliating treatment--

Go back to that one at 11:00.

Commerce committee hearing.

That's what it says.

I'm going to be appearing

before ranking member...

Libby Hauser,

Chairman Stanford Marks...

and the entire Committee

of En and Comm.

A hop, skip, and a jump

away from a floor vote.

Nice try, but you

have to get a bill...

before you have a hearing.

Like this one?

It's like I was saying

to the congresswoman...

the other day over

caramel macchiatos.

"Is bill writing

super fun or what?"

I think so.

Where is that Elle Woods?

Oh, my God.

- Libby just told me the news.

- She did?

Never underestimate a woman...

with a French manicure

and a Harvard law degree.

Thank you, Victoria.

That's very sweet of you...

but I couldn't have done it

without your inspiration.

I'm honored.

This girl is special.

Actually, I didn't do it alone.

The entire team helped me.

It was really a group effort.

Good work, guys.

Really good work.

- You.

- Thanks.

Thank you, Reena.

You're a sweetheart.

And I guess I will see you

at the hopper.

Ask not what your best friend

can do for man...

but what you can do

for man's best friend.

The Committee

on Energy and Commerce...

will now come to order.

HR 2562,

aka Bruiser's Bill--

Representative

Victoria Rudd, sponsor...

proposing a ban

on animal testing...

in the cosmetics industry.

I'd like to welcome

you all today as we begin...

consideration of

this very important issue.

This week, you will hear

testimony from both sides...

and I ask that you keep

your ears and your minds open.

This is my first

congressional hearing.

Can you believe it?

And so I come to you today

as a citizen...

and a scientist with

the National Institute of Health

for 25 years,

during which time...

it's become increasingly clear

that these supposed alternatives

to animal testing

aren't alternatives at all.

I took this office to represent

my two-legged constituents.

Recently, I saw an item in

a pet store with the label...

"This product

is tested on humans."

That's a problem

worth discussing.

All the bleeding hearts...

will try to distract us

from the facts...

with their saccharine talk

of wagging tails...

cold noses, and other

sentimental mumbo jumbo.

Consider this--where we see

softness of heart...

we often see softness of mind.

And so to move on such a bill

at this juncture in time...

would wreak havoc

on already unstable...

local economies

across the country.

Now, that's a problem

worth discussing.

You know

I'd do anything for you...

but I got to tell you,

that is one tough room.

- Better be prepared tomorrow.

- All right.

Excuse me, ladies.

Good evening.

I know you've had

a bad day in court before.

It's the same thing.

They make their case,

we make ours.

Yes, but that was bad.

They're mostly posturing for

their constituents back home.

I think we have the votes

in committee...

even without your testimony.

But they have scientists

and economists and facts.

So do we.

Elle, listen to me.

Go home.

Have an early evening.

Sorry.

Victoria Rudd. Yes.

Hang on one minute, will you?

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