Len and Company Page #4

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poor, that means.

But we managed somehow

to make a single,

a record,

which to everyone's surprise

was a bit of a success,

but then the drugs

and the drink

and all that f***ing bollocks

got a hold of us,

so that went tits up.

So the next few years

of my life,

I did f*** all,

really.

Then my girlfriend got pregnant

by me, apparently.

Wave hello, Max.

Yeah, and then

I got into producing music,

which is a bit more lucrative.

You know, support the family,

but then I couldn't kick

the drugs and the drink,

couldn't get clean,

so Max's mum left,

which, I don't know.

Yeah, so I made a lot of money

really quickly, you know?

Met loads of birds

with really big,

nice, juicy milkers.

All that, blah, blah, blah,

blah, blah.

Living the high life.

[chuckles]

Yeah, and I moved to New York,

set up my own company,

my own label.

That's doing really well,

so, uh, yeah.

I'm just a rich old bastard

with loads of f***ing

T-shirts now.

That's it, darling.

- Thank you so much, Mr. Black,

for sharing that with us.

Um, Mr. Coulter,

why don't you-

why don't you share your story

for the students today?

- Right.

Hi.

I'm Mr. Coulter, Derek's dad.

I brought an ATV.

It's parked right out there

by the track.

Anybody want to see it?

All our side-by-sides

have a safety belt, of course,

but they also have a cab net,

and this will keep you snug

in your seat

in the event that you,

you know,

hit a bump

or take a really sharp turn.

Yes, you?

- Are we allowed to drive it?

- I'm afraid I'd need

your parent's signature.

Sorry, though.

Yeah?

- Can Mrs. Pickett drive it?

- That's entirely up to her.

What do you think?

- No, thank you.

I'll leave it

to the professionals.

- I'll do it.

I'll have a go.

[engine rumbling]

- Okay, all you need to know:

gas, brake.

- Gas, brake.

- And emergency brake.

- All right.

- Right?

I'd just-l'd start nice and

easy at first, you know, just...

- Yeah, yeah, yeah.

- Till you get the hang of it.

- Sensible.

- Okay, why don't you ease off

the brake, and-oh!

Okay-

Okay-

[engine roaring]

Definitely going faster

than I would suggest.

[Les Olivensteins'

"Euthanasie" playing]

- I Vite vite vite I

I 'We encore une fuite I

I Que {e mdecin oofmate I

[engine roaring]

I J'vous Prais sombrer

coups cfsavates I

I Dans {e Ht maoufe' I

[punk music]

I Vite vite vite

Vtat empire vite I

I 'We longiemps dj I

I Que je vofs venfr {e trpas I

I Euthanasie pour eux aussi I

I Euthanasia o'est bfen fin,' I

I Euthanasie plus de soucis I

I Euthanasie pour vous aussi I

II:

- So what's going on with you?

I haven't seen you

since you were, like,

17 or something.

- Uh...

I just finished

a semester at NYU.

- That's cool.

- Yeah.

Then I quit, so...

- Oh, why?

- I don't know;

I just wanted to focus

on music for a while,

like, kind of give that

a year and see what happened.

- Right.

- Yeah, I don't know.

I'm still with that same

band, though, Terrific Liars.

- Oh, yeah.

- Yeah.

- That's been a while, cool.

- Yeah, yeah.

- How's it going?

- It's good, man.

We, uh-we finally

finished our demo.

- That's rad.

- Mm-hmm.

That's actually

one of the reasons

why I came up here,

was so I could show my dad.

See what he thought.

- Yeah, what did he say?

- Oh, nothing yet.

- Why not?

- Well, I haven't

showed it to him.

- Why?

- Because he's Len.

- So?

- So I just know he's gonna

get all weird on me for asking.

What, you think that's dumb?

- No, I don't think it's dumb.

He's a grown man.

I'm sure he can handle his son

asking him to listen to a demo.

- Maybe.

- Plus, Max,

he's, like, your dad.

He has to.

[siren wailing]

- [clears throat]

Hello.

- This your vehicle?

- Yep, yeah.

- 'Cause we just got a call

reporting a missing ATV.

Same make and model as this one.

- Right, I'll-

I'll keep me eyes peeled.

- Last seen driven by a guy

wearing an orange helmet.

Should we just take it

back to the shop,

then call it a day?

I have got crimes to fight.

- All right.

I've stolen sh*t, you know.

- I believe you.

- You know what, I actually

wrote some stuff down,

like, on how I was gonna do it?

- Like notes?

- Yeah, kind of-l mean,

just so I don't

forget anything.

- That is so professional.

[laughing]

- Yeah, I guess.

- So what do your notes

actually say?

- Well...

- [exclaims]

Dude, we should rehearse.

Are you down?

- Yeah.

- Yeah?

Okay.

I'll be Len, and you be you.

- Okay.

- God, this is totally gonna-

oh, okay, wait.

[soft music playing]

I'm Len.

Say it to me.

- Are we doing this? All right.

- Mm-hmm.

- Um, so, Dad,

I've been making-

- Bollocks.

[both laughing]

- Um, so, Dad-

- Bugger off.

- No, no, stop.

[both laughing]

- Here, um...

Dad, I've been make-

- Sh*t!

- Stop it.

Dad.

All right, Dad-

- A**hole.

- All right.

- [laughing]

I'm f***ing with you.

You got to harden up.

Go again.

- All right.

Dad, I was-

I've been doing-

- F*** off.

I f***ing miss England.

- Yeah, yeah, all right.

- No one here understands me.

[men vocalizing]

II:

- Yeah I

[crow cawing]

- F*** off.

II:

[indistinct conversation]

- So I gave you one,

and then I gave you another one.

- I have it,

and I have this one.

[door closes]

- Yeah.

- Oh, sh*t, actually-

- Enjoying your spoils?

- Yeah.

He's back!

Both:
Where have you been?

- What an absolute sh*t show.

- What?

- You two, this.

- Dude, calm down.

We made you a plate

if you want some.

- Yeah, I'm a really good cook.

- Yeah.

- Hey, man, you should

know that about me.

I used to cook all the meals

when I was a kid at home.

- Yeah, well, I hope

you haven't been getting

none of that sh*t on my records.

- Give me a break-the ones

that you don't even listen to?

- Yeah, those ones.

Are you wearing my clothes?

- I'm still mad at you.

- I know.

Shocking.

- Yeah, on national television.

That was so f***ed up.

- Yeah, well.

- And the award goes to...

Whoo-hoo.

Everyone's f***ing clapping.

Yeah.

And then I walk up on stage,

and Len's following me,

and, oh, where's he going?

Is he f***ing leaving?

What's he got to do?

Oops, he forgot

his shiny little statue.

No big-

- I didn't want it.

- You didn't want it?

- No.

- The award for my album?

- No.

- I worked really f***ing hard

on that album, Len.

- So did I.

- So why didn't you want it?

- Can't explain it.

- Oh, I think

you can f***ing try.

- Look, I don't want

to get into this.

- I drove three f***ing hours

to be here, Len,

so, yeah, give it to me.

- It's not something

I want to put out there

in the world, all right?

- Do you mean me?

- Hey, here you go.

Hey-

Len?

- Look, can we have this

conversation tomorrow?

- Do you mean me?

- Please? Thank you.

- Oh, of course.

Mm-hmm.

- Thank you.

- You know, I only gave up

my adolescence and my privacy.

F***ing God knows what else,

so you could turn me into

some little singing ATM machine.

[laughing]

I mean, who gives a sh*t

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