Les femmes sont folles Page #6

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Very well.

She doesn't want anything

to do with you.

- Same for me.

- Whadda you mean "same for you" ?

After all, this is just something

between you and Liszt.

Oh, she's too sensitive.

I learned to play billiards

in the regiment, General.

- Me too.

- Really?

The.

- He made me miss that shot !

- He's joking.

Allow me to introduce :

the author Robert Patrick,

- General de l'glantine.

- My pleasure.

You're the first "eglantine"

I saw wearing fruit salad.

Oh, sorry.

Army joke.

I feel in top form tonight.

- That's not funny.

- You're hard, but fair, General.

Why are you on with

these barrack-room jokes?

Sorry General...

these are more like schoolboy pranks.

I won't do it again.

Accept this as an apology.

You got a light ?

Your turn, General.

- That's a divisional general !

- A dirty trick.

Very dirty.

Thanks, Mariette.

- You're drinking a lot.

- You should too...you're so miserable.

Oh, the cigar !

That one didn't burn down far.

- If we weren't in a friend's house...

- They were only fire-crackers.

You're not ashamed to do that

to a General?

Do you have no fear of retribution ?

Come upstairs

and clean up.

Excuse him, General.

- The cigar special...well done.

- That was only an appetiser.

The pleasure of love...

only lasts a moment...

the pain of love...

Hup! Hup! Whoop dee do !

Let's jive !

We gotta go...

... you gotta come out.

- Where were you ?

- I'll explain.

- They're crazy.

- They're just drunk.

Gotta drink more...

you've drunk too much.

- You speaking familiarly with him ?

- You do too.

You should be formal...

you're being too friendly.

You've been drinking too much, too

It's bad for you...

Hey, Genevive, isn't it bad?

I can see you're drunk.

My compliments.

They're so touchy !

You're making a spectacle

of yourself.

Your health, Gaston !

And the general's health !

And to the health of

Jean-Jacques Rousseau !

Isn't it right

that drinking's bad for you ?

- Very bad.

- Very bad.

"Bad"?

What about eating ?

You think it's pretty

stuffing your face like that?

Unless you want to grow up.

I forbid you from insulting

my friends.

The carry-on of a drunkard...

don't worry.

"A drunkard"?

Is that it, you little ball of fat ?

That's enough !

I've responded ?

Yes, uh...no.

(Where did I start?)

What do you have to say, sir?

You have the chance

to be a man...or...

Considering my guests were offended

as well as myself,

I demand reparation by arms.

Considering that my life

is more valuable than yours,

I have the honour

of refusing to fight.

- "The honour."

The honour. Coward.

He dares speak of honour.

Listen, soldier-boy,

shut it !

You're breaking my eardrums.

I'm going to have a kip.

Try to be quiet

when you're leaving.

- I deeply regret this incident...

- ... out of our control.

One can have a laugh,

but no need to go overboard.

I'll see you out, general.

Hey there cousins, how's it going?

Hi, mile.

No dancing?

No, the show's over.

Someone's flattened

all the car tyres.

More from our author.

Something has to be done.

I'll avenge our honour

in the morning.

He's a coward.

An intelligent man.

Duels are out of fashion.

- You find excuses for him ?

- Gaston !

Coming !

All the car tyres are flat.

I don't know who's done it.

Go lend a hand.

I'll give you pleasures of love...

You thug, you gangster, you crook !

Stay there, I'm coming up

to have words with you.

Gawd, what a mob of wankers !

What's it matter

if I screw his wife.

After all, he stole her, didn't he.

There you are,

you dirty piece of sh*t.

And you, you shitty piece of dirt...

congratulations on this evening!

My wife thinks you're sick...

a martyr to literature.

Women are crazy.

- Women are best,

when they don't get too much.

My word, you'll eventually

turn into Robert Patrick.

And you're just a ham, old boy.

- So ?

- You're going to fight.

- Now ?

No, tomorrow.

We gotta fight.

You'll play the coward, a craven coward,

and you'll save yourself.

A duel wasn't in the program,

or the footrace afterwards.

- Whadda you mean?

If money doesn't make YOU happy,

it sure makes me.

I'll come tomorrow

to conduct the duel.

- With the cheque.

- Good night.

Good night.

Marguerite's right,

I should drink.

- I'm so happy...it's wonderful.

- "Wonderful"?

I'm ridiculed by an imposter

and you think it's wonderful ?

Wonderful that he's not

Robert Patrick.

"Women are crazy",

like Gaston was saying.

- Gaston would've lost nothing by waiting.

- He's proved he was in love with you.

And where's my self-esteem

come into it ?

Maybe they're trying

to kill each other.

I'm worried.

Gaston's so incompetent.

Oh!

Are you wounded?

- My ankle, my poor ankle.

- And you?

I got pricked by his sword.

Blood flowed, so honours safe.

I lose two billiards partners.

The only victim's ME.

It's not serious, papa.

You'll soon get them back.

Put down the vacuum cleaner

and fetch the medicine chest.

Yes, madame.

My wife stuffs herself with croissants

while I'm risking my life,

in a duel.

Lay him down on the couch.

You shouldn't go to so much trouble

just to get a croissant.

Oh, dear Robert,

come into the light so I can see it.

It's just a scratch.

But I might be

crippled for life.

Don't make a drama of it, please!

- My little Robbie's bleeding.

- Just a few drops.

What's this "little Robbie"?

Gosh, he's a pain in the neck.

Why d'you have to be such a pain ?

- Calm down, or you'll get

all hot and bothered.

It's because I have to look at the man

who was responsible !

On no account massage it.

You'll see...it'll be quite OK,

Come and sit down.

- What do you want from me ?

- Shh !

I was really scared for you just now.

For me ?

There was no need.

- If you knew the man I am.

- I don't care.

- After the kiss that night ...

- There was a kiss?

- Unforgettable.

- Forget about it, because I have.

Never !

As God is my witness.

Don't tell God about it !

Marguerite,

Dufresnoy's left. Come over here.

Will it take long ?

Just a sec'.

All the time.

- Marguerite, come and massage me.

- Coming.

I love you.

We gotta be careful.

You're taking advantage

of my injury !

Where is he ?

Where is he ?

Nobody makes a fool of

Captain Cabriac.

- Bravo. Wouldn't have believed it.

- A cinch.

- I didn't come here for this.

I want Robert Patrick...he's here.

- Goodness...it's you !

- It's me.

Where's my wife ?

- That depends. Who are you ?

The husband of the woman

you've made off with.

You need to be more precise...

I've made off with so many.

Surname, christian name,

the exact date and the address.

I'll check my records.

- Does "Suzette" mean something ?

- Suzette...no, not offhand.

Leave me your address,

I'll write if something turns up.

You filthy swine !

I'm Captain Cabriac!

Now I'm with you !

You just had to say.

- So you've made off with my Suzette?

- Our Suzette. Yes, of course.

What was I thinking?

I do beg your pardon.

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