Les Tuche & la caméra Page #4

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Your savages, I will...

make them champions! One thing:...

they don't have to pay me, or I'd be employed.

~ Would that be possible?

~ Yeah.

Let me introduce myself.

I'm Jeff Tuche,...

your new trainer.

Before, you were on holiday. I'm tough, but fair.

Rest assured, everyone will have a chance.

With Jeff Tuche,...

no one sits on their...

butt!

You see, I also...

have a little humor when needed.

Good. The important thing...

in a team, it is precisely...

the team.

Example:
You have done your shopping at Ed's.

Ed...

Ed!

~ Your last name, Ed?

~ Hdiard.

Good. I think we will not understand.

Let the words...

present pictures. Jean-Wa!

I present your new striker: Jean-Wa: demo.

Good, Jean-Wa!

Great, my Jean-Wa!

There we go.

15 days of the Tuche method, that's all it takes.

Now, pumps!

And remove me from the hair brushings of fags!

Comb normally!

As you knead well.

My Cathy, the kids aren't there.

~ No, not yet, my Jeff.

~ Well, I'm going.

~ Where you going?

~ To buy an Audi SR8.

~ Good car?

~ The Iron Monster.

Fortunately, it's not "Louis the Flea!"

Very funny...Do what you feel.

You must...

fit in. I'm going...

with Mouna.

Get me some batteries!

Don't burn your fingers.

Remain flexible in your lap or you'll have backache.

It's been five years since I went to the hypermarket.

~ We're getting ice cream?

~ No, Mouna!

~ The last ice cream!

~ Ah?

The promos, it is played at the top of gondola. It opens the eye.

Chips...

A barbecued pork flavor.

What car did you have before?

~ A R21 Nevada.

~ OK...

I can take off the helmet, in the city?

Yes, but now we keep the time with my watch.

It's going fast?

Brake, there!

~ You OK?

~ OK.

~ Oh, Mr. Tuche!

~ I love veal!

I saw death.

So there...

This is the best time. Which one?

A private appointment in a Leclerc --- What an idea!

One for Tuche!

TUCHE FOR ONE!

Food:
...

8,000 Euros per month. Clothes: 15,000.

School, singing lessons, beautician,...

restaurants, batteries...

Hunt the natural, it is galloping.

In two months, we've spent 20,000,000 Euros.

Hi, Cathy. A helping hand?

Daniel! How are you?

Fine, and you?

My husband, Jeff.

My kids...

Daniel Bichard.

I've spoken about you.

"Baywatch".

I don't run at idle.

Everyone can...

get around by walking

Oh, yeah! Hello, Jeff. A pleasure.

A helping hand?

A helping foot, rather.

I'm going to get some beer.

Is that you, Donald?

Ho-ho!

Is there a mattress for me?

~ Mouna!

~ Cathy.

The ball!

Daniel, what a pleasure.

I'm tired of the Tuches!

Be careful, I might drown.

Mouna...

Mouna?

A nice beer...

There's no such thing.

Do not worry, it just happens.

~ Have you been in the country?

~ No, I travel around.

I recharge my batteries here.

If you have to recharge often, it's an alternator problem.

~ What kind of car do you have?

~ I don't.

My car's an Iron Monster.

Super. It should go fast, that.

You like veal?

~ What?

~ Never mind.

~ I'm going swimming.

~ Yes, do that.

Hold this.

OK, Buddy.

Good, vazniek...

Bichard? My mother used go drinking with him.

She wants to make the friend of my father.

My mother will not worry about a boyfriend, she has a crush on him.

To the water!

Attention, cannonball!

Do you think they will stay long?

I do not know, Jocelyne. I do not know...

This Georges Dieu, of l'AS Monaco.

He's ugly.

I find him beautiful. Her boyfriend, too. Shall we go?

Are you crazy? Not in front of my father.

Saving Willy!

And Private Ryan!

Another week at this rate and the whole country will be a campsite.

You chose pretty colors, Granny Suze.

~ You're familiar with him?

~ What?

The new trainer for the junior football club?

~ You won't leave your son?

~ Of course not.

~ TO THE TABLE!

On that day, watching my parents,

I learned something: you have to be yourself.

It's decided:
Quack-Quack, it's over.

I'll show them who's the real Donald Tuche.

See for yourself.

20 is the standard.

Geography:
20/20.

~ Whoa!

~ I see, I see.

French:
20/20.

You, 20/20? Well done.

~ English:
20/20.

~ You're catching on.

Math:
21/20.

No, there it's wrong.

The teacher wanted to mark the occasion.

This has been going on...

~ for two weeks!

~ That's almost 15 days!

It's amazing, right?

You're proud of yourself, like he says?

We are sorry, Mr. Van de Brick.

If he cheated, this must be understood.

It's too much pressure, the trial period.

He wanted to do well.

Put yourself in his place.

You're his son,...

in R'n'B. His father, a coach.

His sister, Miss Bouzolles. His mom,...

at the Country Club. That's a lot.

Quack-Quack, you apologize.

Family Tuche, this may come as a shock,...

but understand that Donald...

is a prodigy.

A killer!

A genius!

Unheard of.

He'll skip a grade,...

~ maybe even more.

~ Maybe my son cheated,...

but you don't have to make fun of him.

Exceptionally gifted, I'm not kidding. He doesn't cheat anymore.

~ What's the story, my duckling?

~ Good, we'll talk about this later.

But not today, I've got a match.

Case closed. Van Brick,...

no hard feelings.

I forgive you.

You won't get away with it, you hear me?

They always take me for a loser.

It's your own fault, you're a shirker.

You got zeros 12 years, why?

I don't know.

When I was three, I learned to read on my own.

My brother, at 13, was struggling. I was afraid.

I know, kid.

Come on!

Go on! What the f***! Scrub, Monique!

Think of the prince!

No, losers!

Woe to us!

The ball, that's it.

You don't know?

This is nonsense!

To applaud,...

what are they thinking?

We're with you, Jeff. It's not over.

Kids, let's go, let it go!

That's nice, Bichard, now let me speak.

~ Locker room.

~ I'll warm up the fans.

~ Why are all the parents here?

~ I passed the word.

I'll go back, they don't know, for the second half.

You guys are proud of yourselves?

7-0 at half time, it will end...

with a basketball score.

~ You piss me off!

~ Sir!

Quit the "sir"! There's just Jeff suffering here.

His boys give up.

His guys are wankers...

who are already beaten. Do we even play football.

~ Money doesn't count here.

~ You can buy the referee.

No, a**hole! You can't buy honor.

Honor,...

that's on the field, not in the bank.

I'm going to ask you one question.

Is there anyone here who will salvage our honor?

Will we let them win...

these fags from Nice?

Can you score a goal?

I can't hear you!

YES!

There, that's better.

Get on out there.

With pride. Heads held high.

~ Salvage our honor.

~ OK.

We'll all f*** them over.

Good! With Jeff Tuche, no one...

~ Sits on his...

~ BUTT!

Good, good...

Go on, pass...Pass to Jean-Charles.

~ Go on.

~ Go.

F***ing hell!

Yes! Did you see that?

WE'RE THE WINNERS! WE'RE THE WINNERS!

FINGERS UP THEIR NOSES!

THEY'VE LOST THEIR FINGERS IN THEIR ASSES!

We have just received word...

from China, concerning the anger of tungsten miners...

after the accident Thursday.

A strike notice was issued...

for the next 24 hours.

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