Liberal Arts Page #5

novel.

Good for you.

I guess.

You happy with it?

Not really.

How you been?

Any better?

No.

I kind of just wish

this would all be over

as soon as possible.

Why did you love it here

so much?

It's the only time you get

to do this, you know?

You get to sit around

and read books all day,

have really great conversations

about ideas.

People out in the world,

they're not really doing that.

Think about it.

You could go up to everyone here

and say, "I'm a poet,"

and no one will punch you

in the face.

I mean, that's something.

Yeah.

I get that.

I just can't get around the fact

that I'm, like,

aggressively unhappy here.

Jesse.

Jesse!

That's my number,

if you ever want to talk.

- Hey.

- Hey.

Please tell me

this is Vanessa's.

Nope, that's mine.

Wait, you actually read this?

Yeah.

All of it?

Yep.

Unironically?

Very sincerely.

What is it

with you girls and vampires?

What's it about?

Vampires.

No, what's it about?

Vampires.

I don't understand.

Is it good?

No.

I mean, yeah.

But no.

Well, then why read it?

'Cause I like it.

That's no reason

to read something.

Why else

would you read something?

Seriously.

Many amazing books in the world.

Why would you read this?

Okay, I hate this conversation.

Can we stop?

Wait, this is a trilogy, right?

I'm afraid to answer that.

You've read three of these?

Have you ever read one of them?

What do you think?

How can you hate something

if you've never read it?

I mean, isn't that like

what repressive regimes do?

You want to burn books

you don't like?

You're right.

You know what I'm gonna do?

I'm gonna read this book,

all of it.

And then we can discuss it.

- Right now?

- Yeah, why not?

I mean, how long can it take,

really?

This is great,

a little book club.

Seriously?

Yup.

See ya soon.

Oh, no, this isn't what it...

I'm reading it as a dare.

It's a bet, actually.

I loved your class!

Should I start?

Please.

Okay.

I liked it.

It was fun and stupid.

Mmhmm.

And it passed the time.

And it's not Tolstoy,

but it's also not television.

And it made me happy.

Now you.

- Thank you.

- Mm.

This...

is the worst book

ever written

in English.

So there are worse books

written in other languages?

Probably not,

unless this book is translated

into other languages.

Okay, we really...

we don't need to do this.

No, please, let's.

I need to know

how you read these...

whew, I guess

you call them sentences...

close the book,

and feel anything

other than offended and sad?

Well, millions of people

like it.

So when millions of people

like something,

that means it's good?

No, it means

millions of people like it.

These books make people happy.

We don't always have to be

thinking about poli-sci

or reading Chaucer,

which, by the way, I hated.

You're not supposed to like it.

But then why read it?

You love college so much, right?

Isn't it all about understanding

different points of view?

It's also about

developing taste.

That was snobby.

You're a snob.

No, I'm not.

Yes, you are.

You think it's cool

to hate things.

And it's not.

It's boring.

Talk about what you love,

and keep quiet

about what you don't.

Look, I know how this sounds,

but trust me.

This is a big deal, okay?

This country is in bad shape,

and it has to do,

in large part, I think,

with people liking things

that are very, very bad.

But according to you.

Why are you the one who gets

to decide what's good and bad?

And do you only want

to surround yourself

with people who've read

the same books as you?

I guess we're gonna have to

move on to a specific example...

Where are you?

What do you mean?

I mean, you are somewhere,

but it's not here.

No, I'm-I'm here.

So why are we spending

all our time

having a stupid argument

about a book?

Hey, Peter.

Zibby.

Peter.

Peter.

What the hell

are you doing here?

I don't know.

You know how old I am?

No, how old are you?

It's none

of your goddamn business.

Do you know how old

I feel like I am?

Since I was 19,

I have never felt not 19.

But I shave my face,

and I look in the mirror,

and I'm forced to say,

"This is not a 19-year-old

staring back at me."

Teaching here all these years,

I've had to be very clear

with myself

that even though I'm surrounded

by 19-year-olds

and I may have felt 19,

I'm not 19 anymore.

You follow me?

Yeah.

Nobody feels like an adult.

It's the world's dirty secret.

How perfect is the universe?

You're still here?

Lucky for you,

'cause you look like

you could use a friend.

Did you know there's so many

preservatives in the food we eat

that they're finding

it's taking longer

for our bodies to decompose

once we die?

No way.

Really?

Preservatives, man.

It's messed up.

Want some good news?

Please.

Caterpillars-

give me my hat.

They're just scooting along,

right,

being caterpillars.

At some point, these cells

show up called imaginal cells.

Scientists don't know

where they come from

or why they appear,

but these imaginal cells show up

inside the caterpillar

and say, "Get psyched,

caterpillar!

It's butterfly-turning-into

time."

Mmhmm.

And what do all

the other caterpillar cells do

when these imaginal cells

show up?

I have no idea.

They attack 'em!

Try to kill 'em!

They're like, "Screw you,

imaginal cells.

"We're happy

being a caterpillar.

Get lost!"

But eventually,

the imaginal cells keep growing

and overtake the destiny

of the caterpillar

and will it into this cocoon.

And then guess

what happens next.

The caterpillar turns

into a butterfly.

The caterpillar

turns into a butterfly.

That's awesome.

I know it is!

Yeah, that's good.

And that is why there is

no reason to be afraid,

because everything is okay.

Yeah, I don't know

if I believe that.

It has to be true.

There can be no other way.

You know, I'm not even sure

if you're real.

I mean, seriously.

It's all true, brother.

Whatever you believe.

What is that?

What are you drinking?

H to the 2 to the O.

You should have some.

Got to stay hydrated.

All right.

Oh, thanks.

Ooh!

You with me, bro?

Yeah.

I like you, Nat.

Thanks for being my friend.

Easiest thing in the world.

I enjoyed this.

I'm off.

You go get her, man.

Huh.

Okay.

Be love, man.

Be love!

You seem happy.

I am.

What happened?

I don't know.

Something.

Can I tell you some things?

Yeah, yeah, sure.

Okay, well, except for

the book thing,

which was genuinely

super annoying,

I-I feel really good about you.

It's been a while since I felt

that way about someone.

And I like it.

Yeah, me too.

I want you to stay here

with me tonight.

You have a roommate.

She's sleeping elsewhere.

Ah.

So will you stay here?

Yes.

Good.

But I have to tell you

something.

Um...

this-it would be my, um...

first time.

But I want to.

With you.

Okay, um...

I have to...

hold on.

I'll-I'll be back

in a second, okay?

Okay.

I should never have

told you that.

No, no, it's good.

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