License to Wed Page #4

Ben, he's not intrusive, you know?

He's just...

...observing our relationship right now.

- Like a voyeur.

- Reverend Frank is not like a voyeur.

- A little bit.

- No, he's not.

What was that? What are you doing?

Do you want to walk the midget?

Course I do, but...

...I don't think we should, because it's

against the rules until after the wedding.

- Are you serious?

- Yes.

- You're actually following that rule?

- Yeah.

Because I want to pass the course.

Don't you?

- Yes, I want to pass the course.

- So?

So, I also want to play Pickle Me, Tickle Me

with my really hot fiance.

Okay?

- Come on.

- What?

No one else is gonna know.

I'll know, Ben. I will know.

So just-

Just please...

...let's stick to the program for now.

Okay? Thank you.

Three weeks never killed anyone.

Really?

Has that ever been documented?

Good night.

Good night, Ben.

Okay, I'm a cigar vendor...

- What?

- Go to bed.

Thank you.

What if I'm not tired?

Yes!

All clear.

- What'd I miss?

- None of your business.

- But they're right on schedule.

- Their optimism is touching.

They remind me of the Anderson couple

we had last month.

Yeah. You know what time it is?

Time to turn up the heat.

It's time to build on the foundation

we've set up.

Remind me never to cross you.

I mean, I'm really glad

we're doing the course.

I just wish Ben would take it

more seriously, you know?

What about these

in my bouquet, Lindsey?

No.

No?

I just want to feel some enthusiasm

from him, or is that expecting too much?

Sadie, you have so much

to learn about men.

Pink.

Flowers by Sadie, Sadie speaking.

Meet where?

I didn't even want to take this course...

...and now she's following it

to, like, the nth degree.

Where are the cheerleaders?

Shouldn't they be practicing too?

Come on, Famaletti! Deny that baseline!

Coach Murphy, you were right

to put him on B-squad.

- Get ready, Zach.

- Or maybe I'm just overreacting.

I mean, give and take, that's a part of

every healthy relationship.

Give and what?

- Give and take.

- Man, listen to me.

Once a woman senses she has control,

she'll tell a thousand of her friends.

Then they'll want control too.

"I want a little piece of this control stuff. "

Next thing you know, they'll be running

companies and having their own offices.

Do not set dangerous precedents

for other men.

Hello?

Late for what?

Welcome to Saint Catherine's Maternity,

birthplace to over 4000 babies each year.

That's almost 80 babies a week,

and we've never misplaced one.

Okay, maybe one.

If you're shy, get your tubes tied now

and call it a day.

A woman in labor basically

lies around almost naked...

...while dozens of doctors and nurses

get a front row view of her wide open-

Virginia! Put some gloves

on those hands right now!

We're not delivering pizzas here.

Labor could last anywhere from

a few hours to a few days.

And that's not even counting the nine

months of constipation leading up to it.

Of course, there's always drugs...

...so you should figure out how

you feel about that beforehand.

I- Oh, God!

And then be ready to toss

that decision out the window...

...when the pain really kicks in.

A woman in labor

wouldn't even feel that.

Good to know.

Or that.

This way.

You squeamish, Ben?

Little bit, I guess.

You have to figure out if you're

gonna be in the delivery room.

Oh, yeah, of course he will be.

Yes.

Some men are so traumatized

by the experience...

...they can never look at their wives

the same again.

Sexually, that is.

Give me some slow, deep breaths.

How many do you want to have?

- Four?

- Two?

Big push. Big push.

I need an epidural!

Look at her! She's breathing fine!

What about me?

They say for a man to experience

the equivalent pain...

...you'd have to pull your scrotum

over your head.

That was incredible.

Glad you feel that way.

Because now the real fun begins.

Welcome to the world of parenting.

- They breathe, they blink, they cry.

- And they're all yours.

Congratulations, you've just had twins.

Look at how their little chests

move up and down.

Yeah. Their creepy little chests.

And you really want four of these things?

I think it'd be nice to have

a big family, don't you?

Yeah. No, no, definitely.

Well, I mean...

...four might be kind of

a big commitment.

Okay, do you want to take that?

No, you can do it. Come on.

Just pat him on the back really gently.

Okay.

Poor little baby.

Little creepy robot baby.

Oh, my God!

- God.

- Hold on.

- Here you go.

- Stop, stop.

Hold on, hold on. There you go.

- There's some on his shirt too.

- Okay.

We can't forget to set the alarm for 8...

...because we're going to Macy's

to register for the wedding.

Wait, we're not bringing these

with us, are we?

Come on, can't we just, like,

phone in our order or something?

No, we're so jammed this week,

tomorrow's the only day we can do it.

Look at that. Fell back asleep.

So I did it.

Looks like this parenting thing

isn't as hard as they say.

See? You're a natural.

Thanks.

Night.

Ben? Ben!

Ben!

Ben!

Okay, I'm coming.

What? Hi.

How many times do I have to knock, man?

How you doing?

- Good.

- Good morning.

- Shelly's dad fell off a ladder.

- What?

And unfortunately, he's gonna make it.

So we have to go...

...and you are on brat patrol

for a couple hours.

Thank you. Appreciate it.

Thanks a million.

Hi.

Which one's the biter?

All you have to do is point the gun at

the item you want and then pull the trigger.

The computer instantly logs it in our registry

database for your guests to consider.

There's no limit to how many

items I can choose?

- When in doubt, zap it.

- Great.

We only have a couple hours so...

Chop-chop. Come on.

Okay. All right. Yep.

Guys, guys, guys,

slow down, slow down.

Hey. All right, that's good.

Now we're going faster.

Stop, stop. Hello?

All right, guys. All right.

The yelling needs to hold off. All right.

Hey, Ben, what do you like better?

The blue or the beige?

The beige or the blue?

- I like the blue. Blue's good.

- Beige goes better...

...with the placemats.

Or beige. Let's just do beige.

I love beige.

Beige it is.

- Do you like this one?

- It's great.

- All right, let's get this one.

- Yeah, let's get a couple.

Oh, I just got this text message

from Carlisle.

I got the wrong dinnerware.

- Do you mean silverware? Can we just go?

- No, dinnerware.

- No way. That is not simulated.

- God, that's bad.

Well, why don't you change the diaper...

...and I'll go get the dinnerware?

- Why don't we think about...

- Okay.

Okay.

Yeah.

Stop! Oh, God!

Stop, stop!

Should we get the 500-thread count?

Ben, can you slow down a little bit?

Oh, I'm trying.

Oh, my God.

Sorry. Ben?

- Give me one, please?

- Will you take that?

I'm gonna give you one.

- I will help you by getting this one thing-

- I'm sorry.

Guys, guys, guys, it's okay.

- Come here. Come on, come on.

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