License to Wed Page #5

- Okay.

Ben, don't drop him!

Here, take the kids. Come on, come on.

Boys, let's go. Come on.

Hi, I'm looking for some Pima cotton

or Egyptian cotton sheets.

Something that really seems to breathe.

I'm sorry.

I can't seem to find them over there

and I have-

Get off the bed.

All right.

Get off the bed.

Enough. Okay, enough.

No, no. Okay. Stop!

No, no, no.

Guys, no, no, no.

Just stop. Sorry.

It's fine. It's just a...

Stop.

Stop it! Stop, you stupid- Shut up!

Just shut up, shut up, shut up!

Shut up, shut up! Shut it! Shut it!

- Hey! What the hell are you doing?!

- I'm sorry.

Thank God. I've had a long day.

These are fake. Watch. See?

No, no, no, we're on our way.

We just got a little detained at Macy's.

Well, Ben did.

For being a public nuisance.

It's a long story.

Okay. Bye.

Well, I'll tell you...

...I'm a lot more prepared for kids now.

Like way more.

Why are there 56 bras on here?

Pour a glass of that for yourself.

Have a glass.

All right, I got it. This is it.

You, my dear, look amazing.

I can't believe all these cheeses.

I know.

I don't even know which to start with.

- There are so many.

- It's funny. Cheez Whiz or Velveeta.

That's about as complicated

as my cheese dilemmas usually get.

I think I prefer the nutty

Comt Saint-Antoine, which is this one.

- All right, this is it?

- From the Basque region...

...and go.

Gonna change your life.

- Oh, my God. Carlisle.

- Oh, my God. Carlisle. Wait a minute.

Ben, Carlisle's totally right.

I mean, this nutty cheese is the way to go.

It's so good. You have to try it.

- The white one? Good.

- You were right. You recommended it too.

- Hey, everybody.

- Hey!

Every time I hear the word

"cheese us," I'm in.

Praise Gouda.

Look at all of you,

you're all dressed to the nines.

Oh, Lindsey, you look fabulous.

- Oh, thank you.

- How's life after the big D?

That bad, huh?

Men are a little too hard to train so...

Thought I'd stop trying

and live vicariously through Ben's training.

Here I was thinking I was

already housebroken.

Maybe not.

- Cute.

- It's refreshing...

...how honest you are.

It doesn't happen...

- ... that easily for a lot of in-laws.

- Really?

Because I feel like we all

get along really well.

You know what, Ben is a wonderful

addition to this family.

Wow, thank you.

Whatever.

There's a little awkwardness...

...but nothing more

than just new family stuff.

You know a great way around

new family awkwardness?

- Word association.

- Excuse me?

It's fun, really. You go around the table...

...and you pick one word that best

describes each in-law...

...then they pick one word

that describes you.

- A give and take, kind of an icebreaker-

- I think it sounds so fun. I love games.

That's the spirit, Grandma.

Ben, start with Grandma.

One word to describe Grandma.

That word would be...

...wisdom.

Excellent.

Grandma. What about Ben?

Peculiar for his age.

Let's just try and stick with one word.

- I'd just say peculiar.

- Okay.

We have a winner.

Game over. I think.

- No, no, come on. What about Lindsey?

- I don't wanna do it.

Don't think.

What's the first word comes to your mind?

Go for it.

Blond.

- Are you kidding me?

- Golden.

No, gold. No, like you exude gold.

Not dumb, though.

- I didn't say dumb.

- You didn't say dumb. You said blond.

Okay. Blond Lindsey.

Oh, my tur- Okay, awesome!

Yes, okay, so...

Assertive.

If you need someone to take the bull

by the horns, Ben's your guy.

That's a good one.

Not that good.

I mean, she's laughing a little

too hard for it, but good joke.

This is terrific.

See how you're breaking the ice?

There's something new happening now.

Take a shot at Dad.

- There we go.

- Sadie's dad is...

He's outgoing.

- Outgoing, like saying "nice. "

- That's very fitting.

You're not shedding any light.

- Come on, you can do better than this.

- Yes.

- Let it rip.

- No, no, no.

- No, don't push me. I'm not gonna-

- He's asking, Ben.

- Go, come on.

- All right.

What about pompous?

- I'm a little pompous.

- What's the Wizard of Oz thing? Pompous.

No, I was just kidding.

No. No, no, no.

It's all right. I asked for it.

I just meant somebody likes

to hear the sound of their own voice.

Now you're getting interesting.

Pompous dad, back at Ben.

- Here it is.

- Okay.

- How about vanilla?

- Whoa, mom!

Called you vanilla.

Could be bland, I'm not sure,

but it's your call.

- Back at mom. Come on, Ben.

- Okay, "Stepford-y. " Stepfordy.

Stepfordy? Is that an adjective?

Yeah, it just describes, you know:

"Let's just sweep everything under the rug

with a pat on the back, a smile...

...and don't forget the glass of champagne

to take the edge off. "

You're on a roll. Come on.

Do we have any problems here?

If we did, we'd just...

...throw some money at it because we

all know there's nothing money can't buy.

Can't buy communication like this.

Hey, Ben, I thought you were

really great with my family today.

Are you making fun of me?

No. No. Course not.

It sounded like you were.

I'm not making fun of you.

The fact that you...

...lost your mind and embarrassed yourself

in front of everyone.

No, that's not making fun of anyone.

- Okay.

- What?

- Time for a punishment. Come here.

- No.

What are you doing?

- What does it look like I'm doing?

- Something that's very against the rules.

Mayday.

Hi. Just in the neighborhood...

...thought I'd drop by,

make a little house call.

Yeah, of course you were.

- Am I interrupting anything?

- No, no, no. Come on in.

- Oh, thanks. Yay.

- Come on in.

- Hi.

- I won't overstay my welcome.

I just wanted to check

and see if everything was okay...

...because after the tasting,

things were a little tense with the in-laws.

Nope. No tension here.

Can I be frank?

Of course, I'm Frank.

Pardon the pun...

...but at this stage in the course,

I usually find out that...

...a lot of couples resort to sex

as a quick fix for their problems.

I just wanna make sure you're

strong enough to resist the temptation.

- Yeah. We are.

- Yeah.

Does that make you uncomfortable, Ben?

No, I'm not uncomfortable

talking about sex, no.

Having you in my living room

talking about sex...

...that makes me a little uncomfortable.

Yeah.

The number one rule of a good sex life...

...is not being so serious.

You know, because...

...if the humor goes,

there goes the intimacy...

...and then there goes the marriage,

then divorce, yada, yada.

But there is a remedy.

Knowing what your partner likes sexually.

How do you find out?

Well, you ask. That's kind of wonderful.

Hey, one little exercise,

then I'm Audi 5000, okay?

Ben.

Look at Sadie

and complete this sentence:

"I like it when... "

- This is ridiculous. I'm not doing it.

- It's not, Ben. Come on, I wanna know.

I don't wanna talk about it.

I don't wanna do it.

I wanna know.

Please.

Sadie.

I really like it when...

...Reverend Frank doesn't

interrupt us before sex.

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