License to Wed Page #6

I'm glad I got that off my chest.

- Okay.

- That's okay.

You're not comfortable with this,

let's show him how to do it.

- Don't hold back.

- I like it when it's out of the ordinary...

...personally.

That's weird, because I always pictured you

as a kind of in-the-bedroom person.

- No, not really. No.

- Hi! Whoa! Out of the ordinary?

We're out of the ordinary.

Because I remember having sex

on this carpet and I got a rug burn.

- Ouch.

- Yeah.

One time, though.

It was great...

...but it's more the exception

than the rule.

- I'm talking about, like, real spontaneity.

- Like what?

Like my parents' bathroom?

Oh, yeah, and everyone's

downstairs having dinner.

- Exactly. Or on the beach.

- Under a towel.

- At work.

- In the office supply room.

Or maybe at your grandmother's house

while she's in the kitchen making tea.

Yes! I love it when you get creative.

You have no idea.

I love it when you take control.

What do you like about that?

Okay! That's enough of that!

Ben, come on. This is just an exercise.

- We were talking through it. Yes!

- No. No.

Sadie.

Pushups, that's an exercise.

No. No, I see

Ben's point of view here.

Maybe we're rushing things a bit.

Maybe I should pencil in

the date two years from now.

- Okay.

- Sorry to bother you. Good night.

I'll let myself out. I know the way.

You have a good night. I'm going out now.

- What was that?

- Please.

Reverend Frank!

So we back on schedule?

He's a reverend.

What did you think was gonna happen?

Well, I can't believe you were

talking to him like that.

I can't believe the first man to actually ask

me what I like in bed was my minister.

Son of a-

Hey, get your butt out the way!

This ain't no damn pedestrian crossing!

So you're telling me

he bugged your apartment?

Yes.

And who knows what he heard?

I mean, this guy is sick,

and I can't wait to tell Sadie.

- She's gonna freak out.

- You cannot tell Sadie.

You think she's gonna believe her

reverend is bugging your bedroom?

Of course she will. I have evidence.

Does this bug have his name on it?

No. But-

All right.

We can talk about this later

if you need to focus.

I'm good. This is about you.

Lady in the wheelchair, please!

Listen.

The lines of communication

have to be shut down...

...between you and your woman.

She trusts the reverend completely now.

She trusts him so much

she's calling Shelly...

...and telling her how we need

to take a course to help our marriage.

So I'm supposed to take this lying down?

No. Look, let me make this simple, okay?

We have to punch a hole in Frank's

holier-than-thou armor.

We have to find his deepest,

darkest secret and take him down.

Roach coach.

Roach coach!

I'm not doing that. I'm not doing it.

Thrust, thrust.

All right, I know you're gonna find

something you like with this group.

See, this is just what I gravitate towards.

- Really simple.

- And no diamond? I'm fine with that.

Split up?

Come apart.

Excuse me.

Hi. I'm just here to pick up my rings.

- Last name's Murphy.

- Murphy.

- Okay, there you go.

- Oh, great. Thank you.

Let's take a look.

Oh, wow.

- They're really beauti-

- Thank you.

I'm sorry, does that say "Never to fart"?

That's what you wrote

on your inscription form.

I'm sorry, I wrote "Never to part. "

I don't know who would've

written "fart. "

- That's ridiculous.

- We get pretty strange requests here...

...and we just engrave whatever is written,

and there you go.

- Yep. "Never to part. "

- "Never to fart. "

- No, that's a P.

- It's an F, sir.

Nope, that's a P. Do you see how

that comes around in a P way?

- Judith?

- Yes?

Could you come over here

just for a tiny little second?

Thank you. Judith...

- Sure.

- What is this letter there?

- That is an F.

- No, that's a P.

It's a P.

It comes around like a P.

Well, actually, if you look,

there's clearly a gap in the curl.

There's no gap in the curl.

Judith? It connects.

That's a P. "Never to part. "

- Mark, could you just come...

- I don't know that we need Mark.

...a little quick second here?

- And what is that?

- Oh, the novelty inscription, yes.

Mark, it's not a novelty inscription.

It's a romantic inscription.

Excuse me.

What is this letter?

- It's an F. I do teach penmanship.

- I took his class. It's wonderful.

- It's pretty clearly an F.

- Yeah.

Excuse me, excuse me.

Hi. I'm really sorry

to bother you. Very nice.

Could I ask you to help us out with

a problem here, just a little problem?

Could we show the normal person?

Thank you.

What would you call the letter between

the fingers that I'm pointing at right there?

- What is that?

- An F?

- I'm sorry, sir? Louder, please?

- An F?

- F.

- Yes.

- That's right.

- Okay, excuse me. Hi. All right.

I'm getting married in two days.

Thank you.

I really need that to say "Never to part. "

- That's very nice.

- "Never to part. " That's so sweet.

And that's what I wrote.

I need it to say "Never to part,"

and I need it done immediately.

So how do we do that?

How do we get that done?

We could have it tomorrow.

In the morning.

Great.

And that's what we can do.

But there's a $250 rush fee.

So I'm spending $250 on something

I asked you to do in the first place?

And we can guarantee that.

This is ridiculous. There's nothing here.

Oh, come on, man.

If that old lady from

Murder, She Wrote can do this...

...then we can find something.

- Are you talking about Angela L-

- Just keep looking.

What is that?

Frank Littleton. That's his address.

But who's Maria Gonzales?

- Hello?

- Joel, it's Ben.

There's no one here by that name.

Is there another name

you'd maybe like to try?

Eagle, it's Sapphire.

Copy that, Sapphire.

What's your 20?

I'm at John the Baptist's house.

- What's he doing?

- He's showering.

Dude, you're watching

him take a shower?

No, I'm outside.

Then get your butt inside.

- What? Are you nuts? I'm gonna get caught.

- Listen, the rehearsal's tomorrow.

You've only got today to blow the lid off.

It's your only chance.

Strike first, strike hard. No mercy.

What the hell am I doing?

Stop!

Maria Gonzales.

I got you, sucker M.C.

Hi.

Wow, look at you...

...priest dog.

Hi.

I'm gonna-

No. No, no!

That's so gross.

Nicodemus!

Nicodemus!

No, no, no, no!

Nicodemus.

Leave Mr. Socks alone.

Nicodemus! Bad Nicodemus!

These are my Cheesy Curls.

No, don't you run away.

Bad. These are mine.

This is good.

Things are really good.

And I'm not even concerned with the fact

that Ben hasn't written his vows yet.

- Really?

- No.

He's just drawn this little animated truck

going through a hoop of fire.

You know what?

It's actually better.

Because he's waiting

until the last second...

...when his mind is completely clear

and he can just say what he really means.

- Okay, hold on.

- What do we think? What's the verdict?

Let's just take a second.

Honestly?

Looks a little bit like the inside

of a down comforter.

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