Life Happens Page #2

nouveau riche it is.

(MAX CRYING)

Oh, it's okay. It's okay.

Oh, God, yes!

(DEENA MOANING)

That's okay, baby.

I guess I can

breast-feed in here.

And it's the perfect

place to find something

hideous for your boss.

You know, it used to

be that a very select,

few lucky people

got to see my b*obs,

and now I whip them

out everywhere

like they're udders.

So wean him.

Breast milk is free

and I'm broke.

Oh, God! This is so hard.

Nobody tells you

it's gonna be so hard!

Yes, they do, Kim.

That's pretty much

all people say.

Not to mention

I haven't had contact

with a man in over a year.

Well, I think

we have a winner.

All right.

Let's just go.

Don't get mad at me

for saying this,

but I think you'd

feel better if you'd

go back into launching

your doggy mall.

How am I supposed

to do that?

What about Francesca?

What's the point of

working for the b*tch

if she's not gonna invest?

I just think part of

what's getting you down,

Kim, is that, you know,

you're not

really doing anything.

I mean, career-wise,

career-wise.

I have been making inroads

with Francesca, okay?

I mean...

Fine, not specifically,

but we're in

the same industry.

She might invest.

Okay.

Okay, I have an idea.

Let's get into

some old-school trouble.

Really?

Yeah.

Let's drop Max off

with Laura, get Brazilians,

pick up some

really hot dudes.

Okay.

Good.

Well, Laura can't.

She's got Bible

school fellowship.

Oh, that sucks.

I know.

Deena! Deena!

DEENA:
Hey, Jayde!

Oh, my God,

I haven't seen you

since last year!

I know.

Kings of Leon backstage.

Kaleb still talks about

that night in room 210.

Oh, my God.

We were such groupies,

man, it was...

Gross!

Gross! Yeah.

You look amazing,

I mean, obvi, you always do.

So do you, you look great.

Thanks, I really need that.

I just broke with

my boyfriend.

He said I was cheating

on with my BlackBerry.

What are you doing?

You still managing bands?

What's happening?

I'm doing it all.

I'm repping bands,

and I'm consulting

on a clothing line

with a girl from Paris.

Are you doing

anything tonight?

No.

One of my bands is

opening up for

Bon lver tonight.

Come, come, come.

It'll be so much fun!

I love Bon lver,

he's so good.

I'm a big fan!

We'll make a night of it!

BOTH:
(SINGING) We can

have vodka soda no ice!

Why did you walk away?

Who was that pop-tard?

I told you about her, dude.

I met her at

that Type A seminar

when you were pregnant.

She's funny.

You'd like her.

She's nice.

I bet I'd love her.

Thanks for

introducing me and Max.

What did you say to her?

I gotta go.

Sweetie, I've been

waiting for you.

Did you get me my

slamming little outfit,

size zero for the party?

Yep. I went to the

hippest store at the mall.

Uh-huh.

Oh, by the way, Benny,

the little terrier's

doggy parents called,

and they said that

he pee-peed

in his crate again.

Francesca,

he's just a puppy...

We can't go against what

the dog parents want.

You know that.

You know that.

Anyway, we have

a new celeb client.

His name's Sprewell

or something.

He's in some Disney movie

and some Asian cartoons.

I never saw them.

I'm ready to dictate.

All right. Darling SJP...

Thank you so much

for your generous donation.

How are you and the twins?

I'm sure that

you'll be with us

for our star-studded

spectacular event...

Okay, what was after the...

Is that a...

Is that a baby

on your back?

Is it not bring

your baby to work day?

(LAUGHS NERVOUSLY)

I'm just kidding.

Francesca meet Max,

Max meet Francesca.

I didn't know

you had a baby.

I never would have hired you

if I knew you had a baby.

I'm so sorry, Francesca,

but I promise you won't

even know he's here.

He's just the most

mellow little guy,

and I wouldn't

have brought him,

but I had

this situation...

It doesn't matter

how well-behaved it is!

This is a place of business.

You can't bring your baby

to a place of business.

I know. I'm really sorry,

Francesca...

Save your song and dance

for someone who cares.

Just get out of my sight

before I fire you.

Francesca...

Just go now.

Okay. I'm sorry.

She better be.

Yes, Tinsly doesn't

like the baby either.

Tinsie doesn't

like the babies.

No babies for Tinsly.

Gimme a kiss.

Give Mommy a kiss

right here.

Tinsly, I love you.

You're the only one

who understands me.

Hey. Hi, you little guy.

How are you?

Hi, Pop Pop.

Hi, baby.

Boy, the last time

I saw you this depressed

was when you got

stood up on prom night.

I got it.

You got it?

Yeah. I got him.

I got him.

I don't have my purse.

You got it? Okay.

You hanging in there?

I don't know what

I'm doing, Pop Pop.

(DOOR OPENING)

How do you lose your shoes

caught in a rug?

I'm starving!

DEENA:
Me too!

(FAINT DANCE MUSIC PLAYING)

(GROANS)

Yeah, marshmallows!

Whoever invented

Rice Krispy treats

is a genius.

Housewives, dude.

The undersung heroes.

But, seriously.

How do you make them?

In a pot?

Nobody uses pots anymore.

We'll put them in a bowl,

and then we'll put them

in the microwave.

I have a bowl!

(SCREECHING)

(GROANS)

Four minutes

and 20 seconds.

(BOTH WHOOPING)

(MAX CRYING)

God, you've gotta

be kidding me!

(MAX CONTINUES CRYING)

(WHIRRING)

Where the heck

are my keys?

(ANNOUNCER CHATTERING

ON RADIO)

Found them. Bye.

Hey.

Hi.

Are there any

more burritos?

I don't think there are

any more, dude, sorry.

Guess I'll just eat

a hot sauce packet.

So, how are you?

(GRUNTS) I've been better.

How about you?

How's naked sushi?

They actually wanted

me to be naked,

so I quit,

but I already

have another job,

Valet of the Dolls.

I think I've seen that on

Hollywood's Sleaziest Jobs.

It's that girl's

valet company, right?

Yeah. $25 an hour

just to park cars,

plus tips.

I saw a woman

wearing a full burqa

going into a bikini

waxing place today,

and I thought of you.

Okay, I would love to

stay and hang out

with you, sweetheart.

I'm sorry this

stupid thing doesn't work,

but I gotta go get dressed.

You know what? Me too.

Me three.

But, guys!

Somebody has to babysit.

Well, dude, I stayed with Max

for the last weird dog event.

No, you didn't! It was

that adopt an incontinent

cocker spaniel thing,

and you hit on Simon Rex

in the bathroom.

Sh*t!

KIM:
Guys.

I would give anything

not to go tonight,

but, unfortunately,

if I wanna keep my job,

I have to be out

the door in six minutes.

Please, can you

just work it out

amongst yourselves?

Play for it?

I never win.

Chicken? (CLUCKS)

Fine.

Here. Deal.

You can be kind

of scary sometimes.

No, you didn't do

a burn card, dude. Redo.

Redo. Redo that.

Okay.

All in.

DEENA:
Cheater.

Sorry for not being sorry.

Guess it's just me

and you, kid. Ante up.

Hey.

Hey.

Just checking on you.

You know, it's not

fun in there at all.

Really?

Yeah.

Come in when you're done.

Okay.

Hey! You're Deena's friend.

Rocking event!

And such a great cause.

It's Stanton.

Jayde Stanton

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