Life of the Party Page #3

I'll be there

as the group comes together...

...outline our goals,

provide structure, direction.

Where is this guy?

I'm sure he'll be here

any minute now.

Did you call him?

Leave him a message?

What if

he overslept?

Used to be, "interventions" were

something the military did.

Grenada.

I can't imagine.

...there's a problem.

He would have told me.

Panama.

I think I got.

...some really good stuff

to say to him.

A little touchy-feely...

...but with a certain...

...sting to it.

Does this guy have a pager?

I mean, shouldn't we page him?

Beep him?

You had a mission.

Knew your target.

Hey, where's the blond at?

Yes. How did you leave

it with the girlfriend?

She was a little iffy.

Artie?

Your girlfriend's coming?

Is it serious?

Air conditioning.

...go the way of

the wood tick around here?

How is your mother?

Such a lovely woman.

The prettiest hair.

Do you remember.

...her hair, Jack?

All lustrous and sparkly.

It was gorgeous.

She passed away.

I am so sorry.

I didn't know.

It was in

eighth grade.

You came to the funeral.

Did I?

Well...

I hate to ask...

...but is your father

still among us?

For God's sake, who cares?

I remember him.

He was such a tall man.

He made a peach pie

for the pie contest.

Do you remember

that, Jack?

He was the only man

who contributed.

Zip the flapper, will you?

I know you said

to keep it short...

...but I am

on a real flow here.

I think I should

trust my instincts.

Oh, my God!

He's here.

What did I tell you?

No.

Not the shrink.

Mikey.

That's his car.

Mikey's here!

This is so freaking surreal.

Ooh!

Michael's here, darling.

Now what?

What the hell do we do?

Maybe we should hide.

Hi.

Hi.

Hi.

Surprise.

So we came together to...

...intervene in your life.

I suppose.

With the help

of an expert, who...

Who's on his way.

What with the

car and everything...

The...

Not that the car was

the main thing.

We wrote down

some pretty heavy stuff...

which we'll be reading.

Aloud.

They called us

in Phoenix.

Last we knew,

you had tennis elbow.

Now this.

I was sure that

there had been some mistake.

You look perfectly

wonderful, darling.

Strong and healthy.

I think it's

bull, man.

Certified grade-A caca.

Tea?

Well, you boys sure

screwed this one up.

Okay, now.

Now, don't worry.

Don't-don't-don't worry,

darling. We'll stay.

We'll stay.

And we'll play golf.

And we'll have a normal

family time, right, Jack?

Jack?

He's coming back!

Ah, shoot.

That's good.

Isn't that good?

It's better

than leaving.

Could I see you a moment,

please?

Christ...

You said that we were going

to go through the attic.

I came here to make nice.

Make love,

if I got unspeakably lucky.

You almost killed yourself,

Michael.

Oh, so I have a drink

once in a while!

Common American pastime.

What is the god damned deal?

Is that why

I'm sleeping.

...on a rented sofa in town?

Is that it?

So you and your newamore

can sip Ovaltine together.

...to get

in the mood?

I get shelled.

...for some Evian-guzzling...

Hi, there!

Thank you

for coming.

Here, I...

Oh.

Excuse us.

Don't mind us.

We're sorry.

We're just going up the...

path, don't...

Doctor said anyone in your life

who would make a difference.

How can the shrink

not be here?

He's on his way.

Everything's under control.

In what universe?

I am so happy

to meet you.

I have known Artie.

...since he was a little boy.

Never exactly

the ladies' man...

...but, clearly, he's matured...

...as have we all.

Can someone

get that, please?

Sure thing.

She is just an amazing choice

as an invitee to this...

whatever the hell it is...

...because, to tell you the truth...

...she basically drinks me

under the table...

It's all right.

All right?

We're both free agents now.

Christ.

I don't want to be free.

She was a blip.

A crime of...

Oh, for God's sake.

What can I do to make it

right with you? What?

Come inside.

I can't.

Yes, you can.

I don't want anything else

to happen to you, okay?

I am so sorry.

Go inside.

Go on.

In any case...

...he's currently under sedation.

I know this makes it.

...an extremely problematic

situation for you, but...

...but there's a technique

I can take you through.

If you...

Hello?

Hello? Are you there?

Hello, all.

Welcome to the fun house.

Mom.

Hello, sweetheart.

Dad.

So, how was your flight?

Your mother is a wreck.

She brought her

entire wardrobe.

You a rummy like they say...

...or what?

I stole some

of those nuts.

...that you like.

when the attendant

wasn't looking.

Not that they ever are.

Thank you, Mom.

I don't think so, Dad...

...but it seems as though

I'm in the minority here.

Hey, pal.

Hell of a way.

...to get back at someone.

...for a little

front-bumper damage.

The doctor's not coming.

He has a patient

who tried to kill himself.

They're trying to stabilize

him... Now.

He said

we could start without him.

Read the sentences.

Maybe he could make it

a little later.

Maybe.

This... This is the guy that...

...you put all your trust in?

He helps people.

...that try to hang themselves?

It's pills, I think...

...not hanging.

Did you research the guy...

...or was it a Yellow Pages

kind of thing?

Dr. Trent came

highly recommended.

Tri-Borough is an

excellent hospital.

We were lucky to get him!

He has

a long list of...

People who try

to kill themselves?

Now-the-f*** what?

I don't know

about anyone else...

...but I'm starving.

We have deli.

All right, folks,

let's move it out.

My parents didn't come all

the way from Phoenix for deli...

...did they?

Did they?

Come on, I know a good place.

Come on.

Oh, I just

love it here!

That's why I keep up

my membership, Mom.

So are we

just eating here...

...or are we doing

the thing here?

We could do

"the thing" here.

They do weddings,

bar mitzvahs...

It's an event kind of place.

May I take your

beverage order, Miss?

I'll have a Stoli

straight-up, with a twi...

Scratch that.

Water's fine.

And you, sir?

Yeah, uh, water.

Whatever.

Water.

Water's good for me.

Oh, come on.

Don't let me cramp

anyone's style here.

Mom, how about

a glass of Chablis?

Mm, that would be nice.

Evelyn...

What?

All right,

I'll have a vodka.

Who are you, exactly?

Caroline's a

friend, Dad.

Oh, I thought

she was Artie's little...

I'll have

a gin and tonic.

What kind of friend?

Now, Jack, I don't

think we should pry.

Why the hell not?

I like to be clear.

I haven't been clear since

I got off the damn plane.

Caroline's someone

I met, Dad.

Phoebe also, she...

Relationships...

a world unto their own.

I thought you might be

Michael's personal trainer.

Oh, please.

Well, we know how you like

to stay in shape, honey.

Look, I don't really

have to be here.

- So...

- I could drive you home.

I mean, if I can go first,

do my spiel and then...

No, you should stay.

Everyone should stay.

It's fine.

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