Life or Something Like It Page #2

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how to treat a lady.

But he's good in bed.

What?

You slept with Pete.

- I did.

- Yeah?

Yeah.

He has a kind of--

kind of quirky,

sort of loner appeal,

don't you think?

No, I mean, I don't.

l-- You know, but you--

That's great.

So you're seeing Pete now?

No, no, of course not.

Actually, I have my eye

on our new sportscaster...

Rick.

Hmm. That's great.

You're not mad about Pete?

Pete? I don't care

who Pete sleeps with.

He sleeps with everybody.

The 405 will be obstructed

by a 3-car accident

late this afternoon.

Thanks, man.

My pleasure.

Highway 405 will be obstructed

by a 3-car accident

late this afternoon.

Continued turmoil

in the technology sector

all next week.

Prophet Jack.

Jack, how are you?

Remember me?

What is he doing?

I don't know.

And I think he knows him.

Yeah, he would.

I'm glad you dressed

for the occasion.

Doing a story on

a homeless guy,

and you wear a designer suit.

Don't be a wanker, Pete.

How exactly

do you know this person?

Overheard him yelling about

a couple of stock tips,

made a little coin.

Ah, and still,

you couldn't afford a haircut.

Jack? Hello?

Hi.

Lanie Kerrigan.

Listen, l--

I don't really believe

all this stuff,

but I'm up for

this really big job,

a job I've been dreaming

of my whole life,

and I was just wondering,

you know,

what do you--

what do you see?

Am I going to get it?

No.

All right, Lanie,

we got speed.

Tonight at 8:
00,

the Seahawks and Broncos.

Who's going to win?

One man knows.

Let's see if he's telling.

Prophet Jack,

noted street savant,

and a little local flavor

in a town that could

use a little more.

Jack, what's with the crate?

I come from

a long line of prophets.

Anchorites.

My pedestal elevates me closer

to the voice of God,

allowing me to heal

the huddled masses

with my visions.

Why is it always

the huddled masses?

Do we huddle?

Well, I'll tell you who does.

The Seattle Seahawks.

Nice segue.

Jack, tonight the Hawks

are on a special

Thursday-night edition

of football,

and they're playing

the 3-0 Broncos.

Tell us,Jack,

is it finally Denver's year,

or are the Hawks

going to open up

a big old can

of butt whupping?

The Seahawks will win, 19-13.

Yeah? Well, don't be

joking now,Jack.

You'll break our little hearts.

Prophets don't joke.

OK. Any other hot tips?

Tomorrow morning,

it's going to hail.

Well, the local

meteorologist said

we'll have more

blue skies tomorrow.

You-- You sure you don't want

to tweak that frequency

a little,Jack?

How old are you now?

Maybe you're not, you know,

hearing the old voice

of God so good anymore, hmm?

I hear it.

I hear it loud and clear.

OK, well,

you heard him, folks.

The Seahawks are going to win,

and tomorrow,

it's going to hail.

And next Thursday,

you're going to die.

I'm sorry.

I didn't ask for the power.

If I find out

you were up to this,

I will never speak

to you as long as I live.

Yeah, and that would be what?

About a week or so?

Tonight, Seahawks

over the Broncos by 6.

Take the points.

He said the Seahawks

were going to win, 19-13,

that tomorrow,

it's going to hail,

and next Thursday,

I'm going to die.

The Seahawks are going to win?

Andrea, focus.

- OK? Please.

Sweetie, the guy was crazy.

Don't worry about it.

I'm sure Pete put him

up to the whole thing.

Miss Kerrigan, Miss Fox.

Hi. We're just,

uh, here for drinks.

Good to see you both again.

Thank you.

Enjoy your evening.

- Hi.

- Hi.

So what's the score?

Seahawks are up, 19-13.

19?

What is that?

What is that?

Is that 2 touchdowns,

a field goal, and a safety?

3 touchdowns,

2 missed extra points.

Huh.

Huge one here. Third and 13.

Broncos just haven't been able

to step up and make

that crucial play.

Blitz coming.

Touchdown!

Yes!

Yes! Oh!

Ha ha ha ha ha!

Whoo!

We just lost.

I know, but it was

such a good pass.

Wait, wait,

they're contesting it.

We have a challenge to that last play

when McCaffrey caught

the ball on the sideline.

We saw the replay already,

and the call on the field

was for a catch, so--

What happened?

I think the receiver

might have stepped

out of bounds.

...really good

visual evidence to overturn it.

Upon further review of the play,

the Denver receiver

stepped out of bounds.

Take a deep breath.

And another deep breath.

You hear something weird.

Like what?

Like something that might give me

a heart attack by next Thursday.

Lanie, you eat nothing but lettuce.

You'll die of starvation

before you die

of a heart attack.

Maybe it's high blood pressure,

or something more serious.

Do you get headaches?

No.

Vision problems?

No.

Maybe I should get an M.R.I.?

Lanie, your blood

pressure's fine,

your lungs are clear,

no lumps in your breasts.

You may be the single

healthiest person in Seattle.

Yeah.

- Did you do it?

- No.

- Did you do it?

- No.

Pete.

Lanie, I didn't do it,

all right?

Honestly,

I don't put that much

thought into you.

Oh, well, I wouldn't want you

to put too much thought

into anything, Pete.

You might hurt yourself.

Look, I can understand

why you might be

upset about this.

If I found out I had

a week left to live

and realized that

my entire life was

a meaningless quest for

the approval of others,

I'd be upset, too.

My life is not meaningless.

Unlike yours,

a hedonistic free-for-all,

an empty succession

of banal sexual,

physical encounters...

whatever you call it.

There's nothing banal about any--

Yeah? Well, that's not

whatAndrea said.

Why don't you 2 just

get a room already?

Well, speaking of meaningless,

what are we doing here again?

Pumpkins.

Pumpkins shaped

like famous people.

Is that their heads,

or does that include

the entire body?

Is that funny?

It's supposed to be.

An attempt at humor.

If you owned a dictionary,

you would look that

word up under"H."

You know, Pete, if you had

less than a week to live,

I don't think

you'd be so funny, OK?

Lanie, he's a homeless guy, OK?

He lives in a cardboard box

in an alley on

Fourth and Sanders.

All right?

He's just some crazy nut

who had a bad case

of logorrhea.

Define logorrhea.

Logorrhea,

it's diarrhea of the mouth.

You know, he goes on

and on about things.

Usually,

it's sports and weather,

and sometimes he's right,

and sometimes he's wrong.

When it comes to matters

of life and death,

it's a little

out of his league.

Really?

Yeah, really.

Hi, Daddy.

Happy birthday.

Hi, dear.

Thank you.

It's made by Bose.

It's the best

sound quality in the world.

Thank you, Gwen.

Did, uh, you bring a gift, Pudge?

Yes, I did.

Of course I did.

Mariners season tickets. Wow.

Yeah, just like last year.

Why did you say

the kids couldn't come again?

Well, Conrad's soccer team

is playing in the division

championship tomorrow,

and of course,

Chloe has rehearsal--

international

children's orchestra.

I'm up for a job at A.M. USA.

- Oh, really.

- Yeah.

Is that still on?

Yes.

Well, Lanie, the man

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