Life or Something Like It Page #3

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has worked the 5 a.m. shift

at the plant for 25 years.

I guess you could

give him a break, huh?

How's Cal?

He's fine.

He's in New York.

In the off-season?

He's doing a commercial.

I like Cal.

He's a good kid.

I think the Ms

are going to have

a good year next year.

Dad, can I ask you a question?

Sure.

More cake, Dad?

Just like Mom used to make.

Maybe Lanie wants it.

No, I have to go, actually.

Oh--

Have some cake.

Dad, don't tempt her.

Happy birthday, Dad.

Thank you.

Yeah? Hello?

Cal, it's Lanie.

Is something wrong?

Uh, no, nothing's wrong.

Well, then why

are you calling me?

Because you're my fianc.

Babe, it's late,

I don't really feel like

phone sex tonight.

I know, Cal.

I just, um--

Listen, I've had a...

bizarre little evening,

and I just--

I just want

to ask you something.

Um...

what would you do

if you found out

I was going to die in,

like, a week?

Hello?

Are you on your period?

No, I'm not on my period.

I met a homeless guy,

and he had a vision.

Yeah, like ESPN?

No, he had ESP.

There's no "N," honey.

I know that, Lanie,

but you know what?

It's late, sweetie,

and I got to get up early.

And there's no such thing as ESP.

Yeah, I'm sorry.

You're right.

You're right.

I just don't understand

what the problem is.

OK, well, have a--

You know,

a good day tomorrow.

Thanks.

- OK. Night night.

- Bye.

Oh, that was helpful.

Jack?

Jack?

Jack?

Psst.

Jack?

Jack!

Psst.Jack?

Aah! God!

He's still waiting

for the spaceship to come back.

Hi. Do you remember me?

No.

I'm much too psychotic

to remember something

from as far back as yesterday.

I brought you something.

Fortified strawberry wine.

June 2001 .

Good month.

W-What would you

rather have, then?

A down jacket...

gor-tex boots...

a nice house

in the Florida Keys.

What did Pete pay you?

Because I am willing

to pay you

twice what he paid you

to tell me the truth.

Up to bargaining already.

Not following.

Anger, denial, bargaining,

depression, acceptance.

The 5 stages of death.

You're going pretty quick,

but you only have a week

to get through 'em all.

Have you ever been wrong?

I don't think so.

Can't be sure.

Don't have a television

or radio.

Right. So th--

OK.

So, the truth is,

you really have no idea.

I mean, at all, right?

Like, you could be,

like, a .250 hitter,

and, you know, you don't

want anybody to know that

because then they

wouldn't put money

in your little cup, right?

What do you want from me?!

Don't you think I'd rather see

the lotto numbers?

I don't have any choice

over what I see.

The images are random.

For some reason,

I saw something about you.

I see and I say.

Now, if you could

prove me wrong,

if you could prove

that I'm wrong,

even one time...

then, great, I'm--

I'm not a prophet.

I'm a normal guy

who has a hunch

once in a while,

and I can go and find

a nice cozy bed

and live my life in peace.

OK, it's-- it's a deal.

I will prove you wrong,

and you will take away

the death sentence thing.

You're back to bargaining.

Mm-hmm, come.

Give me another prediction.

Let's do it. Come on.

Come on.

I see, I say, you pay.

OK.

I can do this.

Well, um--

Oh.

Nuclear arsenal--

Come on!

Used computers... aboriginal--

Uhh!

- OK?

- I got it.

OK, tomorrow morning...

there'll be a relatively

significant earthquake

in San Francisco.

Yeah?

What time?

Specific times cost more.

9:
06 a.m.

Now I need my beauty sleep.

You watch your step

as you're leaving.

OK.

Bye.

Ow! God!

So, you... saw that coming,

did you?

No. I trip in that crack

all the time.

Good night.

The new diet craze.

You can shed unwanted

pounds in just 2 days.

We'll put the meal plan

to the test.

Good morning, I'm Jake Manning.

And I'm Lori Ruben.

Good Saturday morning to you.

Brad and Sarah

are off this morning.

We're glad you're with us today.

We're going to have

some fun this morning

highlighting some of the events

going on around town today.

There's a classic car show

going on at the stadium

exhibition center.

And it's Octoberfest weekend.

This is a great family event

with plenty of food and music

and, yes, even some beer.

Have you ever doubted yourself?

Probably when l--

And the forecast. Sam?

I'd say a pretty typical

Seattle day around here,

and that means you get

a couple of sun breaks,

you get a couple of showers,

and you're dodging it

no matter what--

That's it.

They would've cut in by now.

He was wrong.

Yes!

Oh, God, I knew it!

You're a genius.

We have reports just coming in

from San Francisco

that an earthquake hit

at 9:
06 this morning,

but there was no damage reported.

The 3.3 measure

on the Richter scale

makes it only a relatively

significant quake.

We'll bring you more details

as we get them,

and we'll also have

a live report

at the top of the hour.

And coming up next,

highlights from

last night's sports action

and the national

weather picture.

All that when we return.

Oh--

I'm gonna die.

I'm gonna die.

I mean, what is that?

Somebody tells me

I'm gonna die in a week,

and my life that

seemed so perfect

just last Wednesday, now...

seems like some big,

greasy sugar doughnut.

All right. Well, uh,

define doughnut.

Why do I talk to you?

No, no, Lanie,

I'm being serious here.

You mean, like, your life

has a big hole in the middle?

Like you're missing something?

Pete, I'm gonna die in a week.

- Lanie--

- In a week.

You are not going to die, OK?

You don't know that.

Yes, I do, because, actually,

it's supposed to

be less than a week.

And that's if it was true,

which it's not.

And if it is,

then what, hmm?

You tell me, 'cause you

always seem so happy.

You're so content with yourself.

And look at this place.

You have nothing.

I mean,

nothing anybody would want,

and you're happy.

Hey, you know,

just relax, all right?

Can you do that?

Yes.

All right,

then try breathing.

Take a deep breath.

No, I'm serious.

Take a deep breath in.

- That feel better?

- Mm-hmm.

Try another one.

See, that feels good,

doesn't it?

Oh, my God,

you're trying

to have sex with me.

I am not trying

to have sex with you.

Because I was drunk that time.

And what time was that?

Uh, the time that we had sex...

in that bedroom?

Oh, oh.

Yeah, that then.

I know we haven't

talked about it

for the last few months,

but I think we both know

it was a big mistake...

the moment we woke up.

Yeah, and then had sex again.

I'm marrying Cal.

I know that's hard

for you to accept.

And even though I may be

very vulnerable right now,

I think it would be

a very bad idea

for us to have sex

and for you to

get your hopes up again.

I appreciate that, but,

Lanie, just so you know,

you are the single most

delusional, self-involved,

self-absorbed,

egocentricwoman

I have ever met.

- Uh-huh.

- Uh-huh.

Hmm. Let's have sex.

Look, I don't want

to have sex with you.

Oh, and if you had a week

to live, what would you do?

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