Life Partners Page #3

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back together with her ex-girlfriend,

so that's awesome.

It's like...

Yes, I'm free. I'm free.

Great. Okay.

So, 8:
00 at my place?

Hey, Sasha. Mm-hmm.

That chick with the purple dick

is totally checking you out.

You should go sword fight her.

Oh. Uh, I think I need like five

more drinks before I do that.

Jen, I think we have a drink.

Do we not?

- Here you go.

- Here we go. Kick it down. Drink it.

I just found that, by the way.

She didn't, I swear.

Now, go sword fight.

Will you please

stop saying "sword fight"?

Only when you sword fight her.

Sword fight! Sword fight!

Sword fight! All right.

If either of you put this on

YouTube, you're dead to me.

I accept this duel.

Yeah! Whoo!

Oh, sh*t. It's 1:00.

I gotta go walk my dog.

Mmm.

I know that

I was drunk last night,

but I don't remember

seeing a dog.

No. He lives with my ex.

She and I just share custody.

D-Do I hear someone

in your house?

Oh. Yeah. My mom just got home.

- Hi, Mama!

- Hi, sweetheart!

Oh, I thought

this was your house.

I wish.

I'm still in school.

Please tell me

that you are not early,

because I'm so not ready yet.

Actually... Don't kill me, but can

we reschedule Top Model night?

Tim just surprised me.

He wants to take me out to dinner

to celebrate me winning the case.

He even sent a car

to pick me up.

Wow. I know.

I'm sure he saw it in a movie, but I

don't even care. How sweet is he?

Yeah, that's really cute.

I know. But I feel so

bad for bailing on you.

No. Oh, my God. No, don't.

That... Don't be silly.

That... That's what DVR is for.

Okay, thank you so much.

I love you.

I love you.

Hey. Hi.

Sorry. How creepy was that

that I sent a car for you...

and I wasn't in it?

I had to work late. Wanted you to be

able to celebrate and not have to drive.

I can't believe you did that.

Oh. Well, thank you.

The place looks amazing.

Oh, yeah. It's cool, right?

I guess they do

this whole local organic thing.

Yeah. Okay. Good.

Yeah, I'll put our names in.

Uh, we have a reservation, but...

What?

Why are you freaking out?

Usually with guys

I have to do everything.

I have to pick the restaurant,

make the reservation,

pick everybody up,

order the wine.

I wonder why those relationships

didn't last. Geez.

Your table's ready.

Okay, thanks. Come on.

Is this too Ellen Page?

No. But it is the boys' section.

Oh.

I wish Tim would wear

stuff like this.

It would look so cute on him.

Oh. Guess he just

likes message tees.

Did I tell you

about his shirt...

that says "Pizza Slut"

in the Pizza Hut logo?

Did you see this?

This is so you.

Oh, it's cute, but can you

really wear a jumper after 30?

What are you talking about?

We're not even 29.

Yeah, but we're

both about to be.

I don't think there's

a cutoff for jumpers, dude.

Okay, I just think

there is for some clothes.

You know when you see an older woman and

she's wearing striped knee socks...

and carrying a backpack

and still dyeing her hair red?

She just seems, like, sad,

like she's a sad person.

Yeah, well, I still don't think

there's a cutoff for jumpers.

Picture a 55-year-old

wearing a jumper.

Okay. I'll give you that.

That is sad.

My cutoff is 54.

I mean...

Where's the money, Lebowski?

So good. I want that

money, Lebowski.

Mmm.

Oh. You don't have to pause it.

No, no, no. I don't want

you to miss anything.

Okay.

Oh.

Missed it.

Sasha is with this girl.

Okay. That's... That's...

She's going back to her house.

It's so funny. It's so good.

This chick is really cute.

How do you know?

She sent a picture.

Oh. You wanna see it?

You guys do that a lot.

Is it annoying?

No, but this is, uh,

my favorite movie,

and I did watch the movie about the

blind girl riding horses... for you.

Wild Hearts Can't be Broken

is a classic.

Mm-hmm. Yeah.

Oh. Okay.

I'm sorry.

I'm gonna turn it off, okay?

No, no, no, no. You don't

have to turn it off.

No, no, no, no. No. No. No. I'm

turning it off. I turned it off.

In the drawer. Huh? Fine.

What do you think about that? Fine.

Still not off, but fine.

I... I'll take it. I'll take it.

I'll take it.

- It's in the drawer.

- Shh.

I mean, just because my car technically hit

his car does not mean that it's my fault.

No. He was blocking your driveway.

That's your house.

Yeah, what am I supposed to do,

not leave my home?

Ridiculous. I... I think

you should appeal it.

You're right. I should. It's like a

matter of principle at this point.

Absolutely.

Do not pay that a**hole.

You're right. I won't. F*** that guy.

F*** him.

I'll have the chicken

salad on the croissant.

Hi. I'll have the ham and Gruyre

on rye, please. Thank you.

Oh, yum. That looks good.

How are things with Tim?

How's that going?

Really good. Couple of

months in, no obvious flaws.

Mmm. I mean, there's

one, but it's dumb.

What is that?

Well, he's not

the sharpest dresser.

I mean, he's not terrible. He's just a

little clueless. Like, he still wears Tevas.

Oh, my God.

Let's stop by Nordstrom's

after this.

They have a great

shoe department.

Mom, it's just "Nordstrom,"

not "Nordstrom's." Oh.

And don't you think

it's, like, a little weird...

to be buying him clothes

this early into a relationship?

No. It's never too early...

to start giving men

fashion advice.

They need it.

We'll go to Nordstrom's.

"Strom."

"Strom."

We'll buy him something nice.

And when he wears it,

you have to be sure

to incentivize him...

to keep wearing it.

Oh, my God. That's disgusting.

Well, I'm just saying.

It's how I got your father to stop

wearing those Disney sweatshirts.

Are you paying together

or separate?

Separate.

Oh, my God.

Thank you so much, Mom.

Ohh! I can't believe

I owe so much money.

I-I must have checked the wrong

box or something on the W-2.

Those forms are so confusing.

Don't worry about it, honey. Dad

and I will take care of it online.

Are you sure? Yes.

Oh, my God, I feel so bad.

You guys already help me out

so much with rent and...

Honey, you know,

it's an investment, right?

It's all gonna pay off when

you get that big record deal.

I'll never forget when you won

that prize at graduation.

Your professor told me your daughter's

gonna be the next Patti Smith.

How's the album coming along?

It's good.

Yeah, I was gonna

work on it tonight.

Yeah? Yeah.

I can't wait for the day

I'm in a Starbucks...

and see your face

on one of those CDs.

I'll get to tell the clerk, "That's my

daughter, and I'll take a chai latte."

Or maybe you don't want Starbucks to sell

your stuff. Is that too corporate? Right?

No, no, no. No. Gr...

That's... Starbucks is great.

Oh, my God.

You need to do that more.

I'm serious.

I don't know what got into me.

You just looked so hot

in that shirt...

that it brought out

my wild side.

Buy more plaid.

What are you gonna do

this weekend without me?

Um, I'm gonna cry.

Duh. Then I'm gonna

visit my dad.

Oh. That's sweet.

I wanna meet him.

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