Little Black Book Page #3

Guess who he's seeing

Friday morning. His request.

Yeah, you told me. It's amazing.

Honey, this fast-forward thing

isn't working.

- Oh, my God!

- What?

- Oh, it's the gas.

- Oh, God!

- Bob, get down. Come here, boy.

- Open a window. Honey...

Yeah, plus Robbie Moore,

out of Buffalo?

These guys are, like,

the top two recruits in the country.

And if I can nail them both...

No ifs. You will. I know it.

- Oh, what is the matter with that Bob?

- Burrito.

- Want me to take him out?

- Later.

- I can do it right now.

- No.

Positive?

Jesus wept! Bob!

No more hot sauce, all right?

- Why are you feeding him hot sauce?

- I don't know.

- What are you watching?

- Oh, Kippie.

- I'm studying the format.

- Tell us how bulimia...

...affected your relationships, Lulu.

- I lost them all.

My agent.

My friends. My boyfriends.

- Lulu?

- Fritz.

- The supermodel.

- I was so ashamed.

I knew it.

I knew she barfed.

- Oh, that documentary.

- No, I mean I heard her.

You heard Lulu Fritz barfing?

Yeah, couple times. Nasty.

You think I'm gonna need

a sweater in Detroit? In May?

What?

You don't feel compelled

to explain further?

We dated. A little.

I told you that, didn't I?

Let me think. No.

Thought I did. Are you gonna be

cool staying here by yourself?

- You'll walk Bob?

- Sure.

Don't let him walk you.

Who's the boss?

- Me.

- Tell him that.

- I'm the boss, Bob.

- You hear that, Bob?

- You never mentioned her.

- Who?

Lulu.

Because we don't sit around

talking about past relationships.

She was a relationship.

- Come on, Stace.

- Yeah, we do.

You told me about that med student

you dated right before me.

And then the girl before that.

What's her name? Joyce.

- I guess you just forgot to mention...

- This is why I hate talking about this.

It's just, you end up

fighting over old ghosts.

It's history. It's over.

The past is past.

That's before the past was

a supermodel that barfed quietly.

You know, I don't pry

into your old boyfriends.

Here's a little tip:

I never dated Brad Pitt.

All right. Shut it off, okay?

Look, I've had

really bad experiences...

...talking about past relationships,

no matter how casual.

If you have to know,

we had problems in bed.

Hallelujah

- Okay?

- Okay.

- Bob hates it when we fight.

- We're not fighting.

- Tell him.

- We are not fighting, Bob.

So no more Lulu Fritz?

I will never mention the name

"Lulu Fritz" again.

- Lulu Fritz.

- No.

- Lulu Fritz.

- No.

- And he never told you?

- The past is past.

- "Unnatural Animal Love" in five.

- Tell me you're not quoting him.

We made an agreement

not to discuss old relationships.

- Renegotiate.

- No.

Those who do not learn from his

history are condemned to repeat it.

Doesn't matter who he dated.

What matters is why he stopped.

- What's he do?

- He works for the Devils.

- Who doesn't? Kidding.

- Think about it hypothetically.

Say Derek's like Neil.

Hypothetically.

How do you find out before you're

too far gone? He won't say:

"I was screwing my way

through the phone book."

- "And I only got to K."

- He'll say:

- "The past is past."

- Right.

- Your man's hiding something.

- What about his family?

- Good point. They'll always give dirt.

- No, that's not what I mean.

What are they like? You can tell a lot

by studying where he came from.

I haven't met them.

He doesn't bring girls home.

- He just doesn't.

- Can I ask...

...you ever think of appealing

this decision? Meeting the folks?

I don't wanna make him

feel uncomfortable.

Yeah. Let's not do that.

That'd be bad.

- Stop it!

- What century are you in?

You have a right...

Nay, an obligation to find out more.

He's away for, what, two weeks?

Take that time, I beg you.

Learn a few things. Anything.

Information's power.

- Feels dishonest.

- That's because it is.

You wanna keep your man,

you find out why they didn't.

- I thought you stopped.

- I have.

Look, I agree.

There's better ways to do it.

- It'd be great if you could ask him...

- Or the folks.

Since no one argues with the lord

and master, you gotta get creative.

All men should come with letters of

recommendation, or warning labels.

Or little black books.

Does he have one?

- A Palm. Why?

- She may be hopeless.

- She's not hopeless.

- Okay, then open it up. Explore.

Speaking of which,

what was Lulu's last name?

Fritz. Why?

- What's that?

- Vintage. Working Girl, 1988.

- Good movie?

- It's a great movie.

You've never seen it?

Staten Island girl trying to

make her way in the big city...

...on her own terms.

- Melanie Griffith, huh?

- Yeah.

- Has she never heard of call waiting?

And Mike Nichols. He's famous.

He's a genius.

Plus, he's married to Diane Sawyer.

- Who you wanna be.

- Ringing!

Ladies.

I don't wanna be her, Barb.

I wanna work with her.

I will work with her.

I believe I will.

- I believe you will too.

- Hello, Lulu Fritz?

Ira Nachlis. Senior associate

producerlproducer, Kippie Kann Do.

Listen, "I Model,

Then I Barf Quietly"...

...is one of our highest-rated shows.

- What are you doing?

I am trying to give a young innocent

her 15 minutes of fame. Now...

I'm sorry. Lulu...

...we're thinking of having

a special next month.

We'd like you to come in

tomorrow for an interview.

Excellent. We'll do lunch

and throw up... Catch up.

I would love to expose myself

to your viewers.

Okay. Not going there.

So how did the documentary

affect your personal life, Lulu?

Well, it forced Stephen,

my ex, to face his truth.

He barfed too.

Fascinating. And before Stephen?

I didn't date much. I was shy.

And ugly.

Why do supermodels say how ugly

they were when they were young?

Is it because they want us

to know they suffered?

Do they think that it makes them

more deserving?

That we'll forgive them their bounty?

Note to supermodels:

None of us believe you.

- No one invited me to the prom.

- Makes you stronger.

So the only relationship

you ever had ever was Stephen?

No. I mean, I dated a few people.

- Names, please.

- Fabrizio. Renato.

Carmine. Jahni.

- Derek.

- She said his name.

Derek.

His name came out of that mouth.

Derek.

Derek.

Her "Derek" was my Derek.

- But mostly I was lonely.

- How sad.

- Tell me about one of the early guys.

- Oh, say, Derek.

- Derek?

- It was just a casual kind of thing.

- Stace, let her tell the story.

- I am. She is. Go ahead.

I was so young.

I can hardly remember.

- Happens to all of us.

- It was all superficial.

- What isn't these days?

- Completely about sex.

- Completely about... What?

- Sex.

- Sex.

- Sex.

- But you had problems in bed?

- You don't know that.

Guessing! Someone needs to chill.

Actually, the bedroom...

...was the only place

we really connected.

Two, sometimes

three times a day.

Funny how your memory

just snapped back like that.

Anyways, Derek and I didn't

talk much. I just used him for...

- We know.

- Pretty amazing.

Experimental. Wild.

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