Little Fockers Page #5

we figured it out.

You seem like

a wonderful couple.

No, no, no.

We're not homosexuals.

Yeah, no.

No, no. No, no, no, no,

this is my son-in-law.

Yeah, yeah,

no, no, no, no.

However, if you're

looking to fill a quota,

we can be flexible.

Okay, that's an

interesting joke,

but I appreciate

levity in a moment

of misunderstanding,

so thank you, Greg.

I will say, Jack,

I hope I didn't offend you.

Oh. No, no.

Really?

No. I mean,

I'm not gay myself,

but if I were gay,

I would certainly be proud

to choose a life partner

like Gay Focker.

And that's

his actual name.

Oh.

It is. Well,

it's my, Gaylord was my name

when I was a kid and, yeah.

Well, I'll complete

the conversation with that.

Jack.

Prudence.

Pleasure.

Gay. Great.

Greg.

Change that nametag.

You can call...

It's Greg. Greg is fine.

Why don't we just

stick with the truth?

An original

American Foursquare,

Greg, very nice.

Yeah, yeah.

It's got rock-solid bones

and, you know, it's...

Hey! There they are.

Kev-O, that's quite a rental.

- Yeah.

Gustavo, my assistant,

hooked it up.

I guess it's

a Tesla Roadster

or something.

Supposedly eco-friendly,

like that 2003 Prius, Greg.

Yeah, you got it.

Wow. It looks great.

Traditional

American Foursquare.

Also known as

a Prairie Box.

Yeah.

- It's got

really good bones.

Good eye, Kev.

Look out

for your legs.

That's good.

Randy? Randy,

what is this?

Gregory Focker!

Great to see you.

How you doing, Dad?

Hey.

Randy, what is this?

We're having the party

here in two days.

Um...

Refresh my memory, Gregory.

Are you kidding me?

Randy, the twins'

birthday party, remember?

Yes, of course!

The issue

we're dealing with is

that we had to excavate

pipe back here!

So, of course,

we ran into some

unexpected costs

along with an obvious delay.

Randy, is this yard

gonna be done or is it

not gonna be done?

Jack, I got this.

All right?

All Mr. Byrnes

is suggesting is that

maybe inadvertently

you're taking advantage

of a gentle, trusting soul

who clearly is an amateur

when it comes to

home construction.

No, Kevin.

Thank you, Swami Salami.

That's not true at all.

It is true, Greg.

They're ripping you off.

No, Jack...

Your plumbing excavators

have been on coffee break

for the past eight minutes,

this senior citizen over here

is unfit for active duty

and your backhoe driver's

halfway through

a Sudoku puzzle.

All right.

Gregory,

who is this joker

questioning my honor?

Nobody's questioning

your honor, Randy.

I'm 34 years in the trade!

Thirty-four years, huh?

I got to pump, dump

and hump to get that

backyard whole again!

Well, I got news for you.

You can pump, dump

and hump all you want!

You're sandbagging

this damn job

and you know it.

All right. You know what?

Jack, Jack, Jack!

Calm down!

You're leaving

a big hole, you...

Hey, General!

The Japanese surrendered!

The Japanese surrendered!

That's it!

What are you talking about?

World War Il.

I'll tell you what, Gregor.

I have a timeshare in town.

Why don't we have

the party there?

Beautiful meadow.

It'll be perfect.

No, no, Kevin,

I promised the kids

they're gonna have

the party in the yard.

So, guess what?

We're gonna have the party

in the yard. Okay?

Soon as our

dump truck driver's

back from lunch,

we'll get that out,

bring the backhoe in,

lay down your

base layer of sand.

Wait a minute.

You're telling us that

you can't move that rig?

That's a union job, pops.

Screw it. I'm gonna

move that truck myself.

No, come on.

No, you know what, Jack?

I'll do it, okay?

You just help me

back it out

into the street.

I got it.

Here we go.

All right,

start backing her up.

You're all clear.

Coming at you, Jack!

You're doing great,

you're doing great.

Hey, look,

I'm not in the union, Randy!

I'm backing up the truck!

Come on. Back, back, back.

Doing great. Doing great!

Doing great!

Whoa! Whoa!

Brake it!

Oh!

You got it!

We're good.

- Emergency brake!

Got it!

Jack!

Holy sh*t!

Hang on, I'm with you!

Jack, I'm right here.

Jack, we're gonna get you!

It's gonna be

all right, Jack!

Jack, we're coming!

Hang on, Jack!

I got him!

I got you.

It's Kevin.

I'm right here.

Thank you, Kevin.

Save your strength.

Upsy-daisy.

Greg's right here.

He's okay.

Yeah, I see him.

Hey, Jack.

Oh, here, it's starting.

Ladies and gentlemen,

it's The Roz Focker Show!

And that means it's time

to sexpress yourself!

Hello, my audience!

Hello, my friends. Welcome.

Today, what do you think

we're going to talk about?

Sex!

Sex. Sex.

Well, what else is she

gonna talk about?

Sex after children.

How do you find

time to make love

with young children

in the house?

What do you do

if it's not working?

Do you have an affair?

No!

No, you say?

But Roz Focker says yes!

Yes, you do have an affair!

You have an affair

with your wife!

Oh, Roz!

Think about it, right?

You dress up a little nicer.

You meet at a hotel.

You role play.

There is absolutely no shame

in playing out a fantasy,

but with each other!

All right?

Now, he's gonna kill me,

but my own son,

who is the father

of two adorable twins,

he has issues

in this department.

He's busy at work.

She's busy at home.

Their intimacy

numbers are down.

They're not connecting.

And what do you do?

It's called Sustengo.

Sustengo?

I got to say, that sounds

pretty cheesy, Greg.

Yeah, well,

I'm looking at these

Randy Weir bills, okay.

And we could definitely

use the money.

And do me a favor.

Don't tell your dad

about this, okay?

My dad? Why?

Just 'cause

he's been all into

me having

my financial house

in order or whatever,

and I just don't

want to worry him.

All right, fine.

I won't say anything

because he's already

pretty upset

about you trying to bury

him alive.

Honey, it was an accident.

Superstar!

Hey. Hey, can you

hang on a second?

Okay.

I am so stoked

you changed your mind.

You are going to rock

those urologists tonight.

Awesome.

That's always been

a goal of mine.

So, I'll see you

at 8:
00 at the Hilton?

Yes.

And wear a suit.

Wear a suit, got it.

Knuckles?

Knuckles.

Okay, bye.

Hey.

Hello.

Knuckles? Who was that?

That certainly

didn't sound like Kristen.

No, no.

That was the drug rep.

Andi?

Yeah, Andi.

What does she look like?

She's like a...

No, she's, like,

an ex-nurse.

You wouldn't pick her

out of a lineup.

Yeah, I know that

you're doing this for us,

but the idea of you

and some woman

named Andi

selling boner medicine

at a hotel, it really

kind of icks me out.

Honey, there's nothing

to be icked out about.

Okay, fine.

I love you.

I love you, too, honey. Bye.

Okay, bye.

So, how come

you're not talking

to Daddy?

'Cause he said

you were cuckoo.

He said I was cuckoo?

Mmm-hmm.

Well, we'll have

to discuss that.

Yeah.

But what about

Mommy and Daddy?

Is everything okay

with them?

I guess

they fight sometimes.

Mmm-hmm. And what do

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