Little Fockers Page #7

you could bust a capillary

and have serious

permanent damage.

How long

have you had it?

Been a little longer

than four hours.

How long?

Maybe about five and a half.

Jack, you got to get

to an ER right now

and get a shot of adrenaline

to counteract that drug.

You're a nurse.

Don't you have that kind of

stuff in the house?

Yeah, I have an Epi kit,

but I'm not gonna give you

a shot there, okay?

Focker, there is no way

I'm going to an ER room

with this thing.

Now you need to stick me

and you need to stick me now!

I'm having a dick attack!

Stick me!

Shh. Just relax. Okay.

I'll get the needle.

All right. I need you

to drop your pants.

What kind of sick drug

are you dealing

to your patients?

Jack, I told you,

I took home some samples.

All right?

Maybe read the label

before you just pick up

a drug and eat it.

Let's just do it.

I'm gonna

administer the shot

on the count of three.

Just... All right?

Okay. Just...

It's...

Your hands are cold.

I'm sorry.

It's a bit...

Okay.

One,

two,

three.

Focker!

Oh, sh*t!

Oh, sh*t!

Wait, what's going on?

What happened?

Everything's fine.

Henry had

a little nightmare,

but Greg's got him

settled down, okay.

No, no, Jack,

I thought I heard you

screaming, too.

No, you didn't.

It was all Henry.

Well, let me go

check on him...

Oh, no, no, no.

...and make sure he's okay.

You guys go to sleep.

Everything's under control.

Could you and Dad

keep it down, please?

Here's Sirius Black.

Here's Orange Ninja, okay?

You all right?

Yeah.

Greg?

Yeah.

How's he doing?

He's all right.

You know, he's

a little shaken up, but...

Greg, I was involved

in some covert

CIA-sponsored

mind-altering techniques

back in the '70s.

I'd like a few minutes

alone with him

just to erase what

he saw from his memory.

You're not gonna erase

my son's memory.

Greg, he saw his father

inject a needle into his

grandfather's penis.

He already has issues.

That's something he might

never recover from.

I'll handle it, okay?

All right?

Okay, thank you.

Hey, buddy.

So, you know how sometimes

you need help when you...

When you make a wee-wee?

Yeah.

Well, when you get to be

Grandpa Jack's age,

sometimes you need help

making a wee-wee, too.

So that's what you

saw me doing.

I was helping Grandpa Jack

because he's old.

Well, why did

he scream so loud?

He wasn't screaming.

He was celebrating,

he was just so happy.

He was, like, "Oh, Focker.

Thanks for helping me

make a wee-wee."

He just...

He was so happy.

Right, right?

Right, Greg.

Yeah.

- Understand?

I think so.

- Good.

Don't think this incident

is distracting me, Focker.

I know

you're up to something

and I'm watching you.

Well, guess what?

I have eyes, too.

So, I'll be watching you,

watching me.

Okay.

All right?

Fair enough.

Good.

So we just watch

each other, all right?

Okay, okay.

I'm watching you right now.

Domsey's Bakery.

How can I help you?

Hello, yes, do you still

have the pineapple

upside-down cake?

Yes, we do.

Would you like chocolate

or vanilla frosting?

Neither. I'm only

interested in merengue.

Please give me

your access code

and releasing ID.

This is Santa.

Releasing ID 7726548.

I need all-source,

derogatory only,

on a person

named Andi Garcia.

Alpha November

Delta Indigo...

Santa, your clearances

haven't been active

for 12 years.

Now, you listen to me,

Young Turk.

I was bugging

Ho Chi Minh's sock drawer

while you were

still in diapers,

so don't tell me

about clearances.

Sir, my hands are tied.

But, I mean,

you could probably

just google the subject

and find out everything

you need to know.

Oh.

Then I'll do that.

Santa out.

Hmm.

Oh, honey, I can't wait

to see Kevin's timeshare

later today, huh?

Oh, yeah. Yeah.

What you doing?

Oh, just checking

the weather.

There's a cold front

coming in.

Oh, no.

Oh, yeah.

Thanks.

Greg.

Hey, how you doing?

Sorry, I'm late.

Hi, honey.

A little emergency

at the hospital.

Kevin was showing us

his magnificent estate.

It's really nice.

So this is where

you rough it

when you're not at

the homeless shelter?

Kind of split time

between the two.

Maybe 60l40 here.

Really?

Now that Greg's

finally arrived,

why don't I take you over

to see the meadow?

Yeah, this is perfect.

Oh, this is impressive.

- Wow, nice backyard.

- Yeah, love it.

- Wow, it is.

Thank you.

Let's reserve that

quadrant over there, Kevin.

It's perfect for

the three-legged race,

egg toss,

capture-the-flag game.

Why don't we put up

a ring of bouncy castles

right out there

and we have, like,

a relay race for the kids

kind of intertwined

in between them.

Loving it, Kev-O.

Kevin, is that

a tattoo on your back?

Oh, yes, it is, Dina.

It looks really elaborate.

Could we take a look at it?

Oh, sure.

- Mom.

Well, it's a curiosity.

My gosh.

Hmm.

Wow.

Is that Pam?

Yeah, it is.

You know,

after the whole

Svetlana episode,

I went on a little bit of

a drunken bender

and wound up in

a tattoo shop in Moscow.

And I asked

the artist to ink me

with the image

of the one woman

who's always loved me

unconditionally.

Pam.

My grandmother.

The point being,

in my drunken stupor,

I must have handed him

a photo of Pam instead.

You carry a picture

of Pam in your wallet.

I do. I carry pictures

of many treasured friends

and loved ones

on my travels.

Got a picture of me?

Of course I got

a picture of you.

You recognize this

mensch right here?

Ah. There I am. Kind of.

There you are, yeah.

That's...

Interesting.

This is actually

a very flattering portrait

of you, Pam-cake.

Excuse me.

Dad.

Prudence? Yes! Hello!

Yeah, hold on, honey.

I don't...

Terrific. Okay,

yes, thanks, Pru.

That was Prudence

and she says if you

get to E.H.S. by 3:00,

she can squeeze you in

for an interview.

All right,

that's great!

Way to go, Kev-O.

- Thank you, Kevin.

- Good job.

So great you two

could join us.

Really wonderful

when grandparents

play an integral role

in early humans' lives.

We love them.

Early humans

do need guidance.

Is that your role, Jack?

To guide them?

Yes, I see myself

as something of a shepherd,

guiding our family

through life's pastures.

Yes, I would say

Jack is sort of

an honorary shepherd.

Kind of a shepherd

emeritus, if you will.

Well, when my sheep wander,

I use my prod to keep

my flock in line.

Oh, there are a lot

of family dynamics

at play here.

Why don't we begin

the interview process?

Okay, Henry,

I just want you

to clear your mind

and draw a picture for me

of the first thing

that comes to mind

when you hear

the word "family."

Oh.

This is just like being

at the eye doctor.

Start at the top

and work your way down.

Why would she

give her an eye test?

It's called

a Heisenreich Experiment.

We used it

at the agency to test

the aptitude of

potential recruits.

All the letters are the same,

so it's not really

an eye test.

Very impressive

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