Little Man Page #5

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Now, the trick is to really keep

your eye on the ball, okay?

Here we go.

Yeah, you want that

sucker to really fly.

You wanna give that thing

a lot of air, okay?

There you go. Give

it some good pump.

You want it to really fly.

You want it to blast off.

Yeah, there you go. No, no, no.

You want to point that up.

No. No, no, son. What are you-? No, no, no.

Don't push that button.

Okay, so now, what you wanna do

is you wanna wind that baby up...

and you throw it as

hard as you can, okay?

- Okay.

- All right. Come on.

Look at that. Yeah.

Yeah. Look at that sucker.

Where'd it go?

The ducks teach you playfulness.

Here, you can borrow this if you want.

He'd love it.

Hey, Dad-For-A-Weekend.

How's it going?

I think they designed all the

toys to hit you in the nuts.

Oh, yeah.

Get off.

Richard, I bet my son could kick

the crap out of both your kids...

blindfolded, one hand

tied behind his back.

Come on, Greg. Nicholas is

a sweet, sensitive kid.

He's not a fighter.

I'm telling you, Darryl, see, you

gotta be tough on kids nowadays.

All right, the slightest bit of

weakness and they could end up...

like that.

Well, I don't know about all that,

but I gotta be honest with you.

I'm starting to dig this father thing.

It's kind of cool.

It's kind of like I get to do all the

things that I never did with my dad.

- You know?

- That's real cute.

Really, I think I'm having a

positive influence on him.

Cee-lo, that's right. Dig

up in your OshKosh...

your babyGap and pay the man.

- That's right. Yeah.

- It's not fair.

Come on, put your

money in the pot.

Whine to your mama,

don't whine to me.

Right, good game, good game.

Come here, you guys. Come here.

Yo, y'all bring your

money tomorrow...

I'm gonna sell y'all some

pictures of some naked girls.

What I say? Y'all don't

like big breasts?

Daddy, can I have

some ice cream?

Sure, sweetie. What flavor?

- Vanilla.

- You got it.

- I think we'll go with you.

- Okay.

- You're getting big.

- Janet, do me a favor?

- Could you watch Calvin for me?

- No problem.

Calvin.

Percy.

- Cal, you get the diamond?

- Yeah, it's in the diaper bag. Come on.

Hold hands.

Cal, which one is it?

The one with the duck on it.

- They all got ducks on them.

- I think it's that one.

Come on.

Hey, that guy's not

even here with a child.

Hey.

Hey, get away from him.

Girls, let's get him!

- I'm out.

- There he is.

Pumpkin, are you okay?

- Did he touch you anywhere?

- No.

No? Okay. Good.

- Hey, is everything okay, Janet?

- It's not okay.

Some sick pervert tried to run

away with this little guy.

Hey, that psycho

took my diaper bag.

- What?

- Damn.

Pervert.

Okay, we gonna get you home where

it's nice and safe, all right?

Keys, keys. I want the keys.

Keys, keys, I want keys.

Keys. Keys. Keys.

No, no, no. Daddy needs

these to drive the-

- Keys.

- Oh, God.

Keys. Give me the keys.

- Oh, no. Here. Take that.

- No. Keys.

- I want keys.

- Play with that for a while.

- No, no, no. I need these.

- I want keys.

- Want keys.

- Okay, here.

- Keys.

- All right, all right.

All right, you wait right there,

and I'll be right back, okay?

Hey!

My car. My kid.

Hey, stop!

Someone iust stole my

car with my kid in it.

Hop in.

- Thank you.

- Let's go get that son of a b*tch.

Damn.

Man, my wife is gonna kill me

when she finds out about this.

My advice to you is

don't tell her a word.

I left Bobby Jr. At

an amusement park.

Told his father he was at summer camp.

Bought me a week.

Hello? I'm on my way. I'll be

there in about five minutes.

I have the cupcakes. Yes.

I didn't bring iuice.

You didn't tell me.

- Don't talk to me that way.

- Excuse me.

- I'm hanging up.

- Oh, my God.

I'm hanging up. I'm hanging up.

Watch the road, moron.

Come on, baby. Let's go.

Let's do this.

Oh, wow, you are really upset.

It makes me feel so good to know that

there are people out there who care...

- Mommy, Mommy...

- ... about their kids-What?

As I do.

- Mommy, Mommy.

- Just one second, honey.

I'm fixing my makeup.

- Mom.

- What?

I think Dillon did a doodie.

- Mom, hurry up. Come on, hurry.

- Change him.

Oh, wait, no. Wait.

Oh, my God. Excuse me. A truck.

Excuse me. A truck.

There you go. Can you

hand me the powder?

What? No, stop.

We're gonna die.

Oh, my God.

Don't worry. You'll get

your little boy back.

It ain't worth it. Let me out.

Oh, no.

- Suspect got away.

- Damn it!

- But the kid's okay.

- I want my daddy.

I want Daddy. I want my daddy.

Thanks for everything.

Oh, by the way, I

run a carpool...

if the little one ever

needs a ride to preschool.

- Daddy.

- That's my kid.

Daddy. Daddy.

- Are you okay, huh?

- Daddy.

- Son's okay, but car's totaled.

- Screw the car. Long as he's okay.

I'm sorry, man. I'm

sorry, little buddy.

I would never want

anything to happen to you.

I love you, man.

- Mr. W.

- Yeah.

Your boy came through. I got it.

Bring it to me. Watch

my drink, babe.

Keep looking. Keep digging in there. It's in there.

It's in there, baby.

Look around in there.

Mr. Dub, could you

dig deeper in there?

Damn.

Is that a dirty diaper?

- Did I iust touch a dirty diaper?

- Wait a minute.

Whoa, that baby had

lasagna last night.

I know it's in here.

The diamond's in here.

- He said the diamond's in there.

- Your 24 hours are up, Percy.

And you haven't

delivered my diamond.

Do you know how

that makes me feel?

Please, Mr. Dub, give me a little more time.

I promise I'll get the rock.

It makes me feel like wanting

to hurt you very badly.

But I won't.

Because that diamond means

more to me than your life.

Now, you get out of here

and find me that diamond.

- Get out of here.

- I promise you, okay? I got you.

Follow him. Find his partner.

Get me my diamond, then stick

them both in the ground.

Aren't you taking

this a bit far?

I didn't even know they

made a LoJack for kids.

No, I'm telling you, I'm not taking any chances.

This guy's tricky.

Maybe I should skip the game.

Are you crazy? They're

playing Detroit, D.

Why don't we pack up the little ugly

son of a b*tch and take him with us?

You really think

that's the best idea?

Yeah, Richard, I do think

it's the best idea.

It's never too early to

become a Chicago fan.

- You know what, I'm in.

- Yeah. Come on, let's go.

Okay, but when the ladies ask,

I was the one that said no.

I- No.

Are you ready to see how

exciting a hockey game is?

It's like boxing on ice.

Five rows up behind the penalty box.

Who the man?

- Yeah, boy. Yeah.

- That's right.

Let's go. Come on. Come on.

- Go, go, go.

- Come on, what are you watching?

Did you see that play? Hey.

What you got in your mouth

there, little fella?

What you got in your mouth? Open up.

Open. Let me see.

Oh, okay, it was nothing.

Come on.

T Man!

- Come on.

- Here we go.

Yeah.

Yeah.

- All right, who needs drinks?

- I'm good.

Oh, wait. Yeah, I guess I

need another one, please.

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