Little Man Page #7

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And I hope all of your

wishes come true.

Oh, great, you're here.

The bouncy's in the back.

Just go around the side.

No, I'm here to get my son.

Little dude. Little man.

- Son?

- That's right.

I didn't think I could do it, but

I got myself together, baby.

So if you iust give me the boy,

we're gonna slide out of here.

So you're the guy who left

his baby on my doorstep...

- ...in a dog basket?

- That's right, but that was a mistake.

The guy who gave his

own kid a tattoo?

Wait. I can explain that. His

mother was in the service.

The person responsible for allowing his

baby boy to take a knife in the gut?

Wait. The boy needed discipline.

- You should be castrated.

- What?

Ain't nothing wrong

with my bowel movement.

I go two, three times a day.

Let me tell you something.

I ain't got to explain nothing.

I'm a grown-

You iust caught yourself the

official Brooklyn beat-down, homes.

You iust entered the

dragon, homeboy.

Word up. I'm gonna tap you

right on your Flintstone.

Here it come, homeboy. Here

it come, homeboy. Here it-

Who is Mike Jones?

Get the hell out of here.

And don't come back.

I want my mother.

Looks like Percy's partner decided

to keep the rock for himself.

- Better go tell Mr. Walken.

- Yeah.

There you go. Good.

- Come on.

- Honestly, Janet...

I don't know how you do it.

- What's that, sweetie?

- All of this.

The parenting, the

responsibility.

It's really no different

than any other career.

I mean, you have scheduling, you have planning.

Budgeting, of course.

I guess the big difference

is that my boss...

I want to slather in

kisses all day long.

And I can, without being

sued for sexual harassment.

And you don't miss

the iob at all?

You know, sometimes I

think I miss it...

but then I remember all they

really liked about me...

was the money that

I made for them.

You know? I mean, this... This is real.

These guys dig me.

I am a diva, a giant, a goddess.

I'm perfect. Aren't I perfect?

Mommy, I don't feel good.

What's the matter, honey?

You got a tummy ache?

Yeah? Think maybe it's from

eating 16 pieces of cake...

and beef ierky...

and a balloon? Yeah.

- Is he gonna be okay?

- Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Just a little teaspoon of this-

It is magic.

And he will poop very shortly.

It'll slide right out.

Good boy.

Well, maybe you

should take him home.

Yes, maybe we shall.

- You wanna go home?

- And you too. Yeah.

Oh, goodness, what do

you feed this kid?

What do I feed you?

- All right. I'll see you soon?

- Okay.

- Thank you.

- See you later. Come on, hon.

Such a good boy,

helping your mom.

Oh, sweetie. Wha-?

Oh, honey, what's wrong?

Sweetie?

- Hey, little man, what's the matter?

- I don't think he's feeling well.

Are you okay?

What's the matter, you

gotta make a poo-poos?

You gotta make a poo-poo. He gotta

make a little poo-poo, yeah.

God.

What's going on, man, huh?

Ain't that cute. He made

a little surprise...

for Mommy.

- Mom-? For me?

- Go ahead.

- Mommy take care.

- Darryl, why me? I did it last time.

Wash your hands before

you make dinner.

Come on, Calvin.

Come on.

Man, what a day.

- I can't believe you did this.

- Did what?

- This. Darryl, it's so beautiful.

- I did-I-

It's so romantic, the way

you put it in his diaper.

Then you made me change him even

though I didn't want to. Oh, so-

- No, but, honey-

- We should go out and celebrate.

- Somewhere nice? I'll change.

- Wait.

Thank you, baby. I love

it, I love it, I love it.

- I love it, I love it, I love it.

- I gotta talk to you.

- Baby, come here.

- Damn.

Are you sure you guys

are gonna be okay?

- We'll be fine, won't we, little boy?

- I love Papa.

- All right. Bye.

- Okay.

Y'all have a good time, now.

I know we will.

Bye-bye.

We going to have a good time. He's a

nice little boy too. Yes, indeedy.

He's a cute little boy too.

Look at the little baby.

Yeah, he's a good little boy.

One, two, three.

Now, you come clean, you little punk.

Who are you?

Where you from? What you all about?

What is all this?

Look here, old man. You been

a real pain in my butt.

And you're right, I did

rob that jewelry store.

And now there's some real

bad people after me.

And the people you love

are gonna get hurt...

if I don't get that diamond.

And I don't want that to happen, so

you better just stay out of my way.

Hey, yo, Percy, it's me.

Be here in a hour.

- I'll have the diamond then.

- How can you do this to us?

We took you in, thought

you were a child in need.

- You turn out to be a lowlife thief.

- Look, I didn't mean for it to go this far.

I was iust trying to get

my diamond and be out.

- You ain't getting away with it.

- Then it's time to dance. Come on.

- Baby, I-

- Sweetheart...

this means so much to me.

I know it's not real.

Look at the size of this.

There's no way you could

afford that, but...

Well, it's what the ring symbolizes

that makes it so special to me.

- Yeah, about that, baby. I didn't-

- Please. Let me finish.

Please. I know that you are not

the one who isn't ready. It's me.

I have always needed for

everything to fit my schedule.

And you have shown me that sometimes

life doesn't work that way.

It's unpredictable, and sometimes

you have to go with the flow and...

I'll never be ready

until it just happens.

- Vanessa, I iust wanna tell you-

- I think that we should just do it.

Do what?

Let's adopt him.

Tomorrow let's take the

baby to Child Services...

and start the paperwork.

You mean we can keep him?

- Yeah.

- Yes.

So, what did you wanna tell me?

Nothing.

Nothing at all.

Let's-Let's toast.

Okay.

You don't mess with

a man from Detroit.

I'm from Detroit.

The hell you doing?

- What's going on?

- Daddy, get off of him.

- Get off of the baby.

- Stop it.

Ain't no baby.

That's a criminal.

I have had it with you. I'm

calling Whispering Glen.

Vanessa, I ain't crazy.

You see, I know what is

and I know what ain't is.

And he ain't is

what he say he is.

You see, "is" is and

"ain'ts" ain't.

Check the teddy bear.

The teddy bear.

Teddy bear knows.

- Come on, then. Please.

- We'll take good care of your father.

Whispering Glen is

a safe facility.

Give him a couple of

days to adjust...

- Let me go.

- ... and then come visit.

Vanessa, believe me.

"Is" is, "ain'ts" ain't.

Use the Taser if you have to.

Check the teddy bear.

The teddy bear.

I'm gonna go put him to bed.

Yeah.

Man.

How does one child turn a household

upside down in a weekend?

Look at this place. It's a mess.

Check the teddy bear.

The teddy bear.

Teddy bear knows.

Grandpa bad.

No. No, baby. No, no, no.

Papa's not bad. He didn't

mean to hurt you. He just-

He's a little... Yeah.

Wow, look here, old man. You've

been a real pain in the butt.

And you're right, I did

rob that jewelry store.

And now there's a lot

of bad people aer me.

People you love are

gonna get hurt...

if I don't get the diamond back.

Vanessa.

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