Little Man Page #8

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Vanessa.

- Where's Calvin?

- I put him in the cr-

- Where's the diamond?

- It was-

- Gone.

- Damn. Pops was right.

- I'm calling the police.

- I'm gonna get my dad.

Dad!

Yes, I have some information

on a stolen diamond.

That's what I'm talking about.

We did it. We rich, baby.

- Yes. Just in the nick of time.

- We blinging.

Walken and his goons is

going to that house.

- What?

- Don't worry.

He thinks Darryl's my partner.

You idiot. Walken will kill him

if he don't have his diamond.

Exactly. Which means he

won't be coming after you.

It's perfect. We get

away scot-free.

This is the time

you hit me, right?

Let me pull over.

Don't start beating me like

I'm a R & B singer, man.

Police is here. Hey.

Hey. Can I help you?

Is this the guy that

double-crossed Percy?

Yeah, that's the guy, boss.

I don't know anybody named Percy.

You must got the wrong guy.

- Cut the crap. I want my diamond.

- I don't have it.

Too bad. I guess we're gonna

have to beat it out of you.

I iust called the police. And

they're on their way over here.

Really? That doesn't

leave us much time then.

- Take him.

- Wait, wait, wait. Wait, guys.

Dada?

Dada.

Who's this little guy?

That's my son.

Take him upstairs.

- I wanna talk to you.

- Cute kid.

It's-Just-I don't have-Listen.

That's my nipple.

Time to take a nap.

Night-night?

And don't worry about any loud

noises you may hear downstairs.

It's iust us beating

up your daddy.

Here you are.

Nighty-night.

Click.

Now tell me, where's my diamond?

I told you, I don't have it.

You don't tell me where

my diamond is...

that cute little baby of

yours is gonna get hurt.

Moron, get the kid. Get the kid.

I want him.

There you are, little buddy.

Come on.

Come to Uncle Rosco.

Okay. Play nicey-nicey.

Okay, get your ass up.

Yeah, get up. I got you now.

Yeah. Yeah.

Ain't so tough now, are you?

Back up. Or I'll shoot you.

Shoot me, tough guy. Come on.

Oh, boy.

I'm surrounded by morons.

Here. You dropped your gun, sir.

Here you go. It's all yours.

- What are you gonna do?

- Wait, wait, I-

Come on, get out of here.

Come on.

All right, dude.

You busted my Sergio da Vincis,

$62.50 designer frames.

Not cool. Not cool.

Okay, buddy.

We can either do this the

easy way or the hard way.

I think I like it the hard way.

Did we get him?

He's yours, man.

Dude...

you iust woke the dragon up.

Prepare for pain.

It's time for the dragon

to go back to sleep.

What are you doing?

- Stop.

- You going down, Sasquatch.

Better not.

What the hell is going on here?

That ain't no baby.

- Who else is here?

- Nobody.

- Who's here?

- Nobody, I swear.

Come on.

Inside. Inside.

There's the little monster.

Listen, what does he got there?

- It's an airplane.

- Tell him to get rid of the plane.

Get rid of it.

Calvin, throw the plane.

What are you doing?

Don't move.

Save it, tough guy.

You're not gonna shoot me.

But I will.

Freeze! Police!

Freeze! Police!

I got this. You check the house.

Black cops, come with me.

White lady, you stay here.

I'm telling you, guys,

that ain't no baby.

He's the mastermind

behind the whole thing.

Get him out of here.

He's a stone-cold

killer, that kid.

Would you get this thing off me?

Relax. Where you're going, you

might want to keep that on.

I don't wanna go to iail.

It's too dark. There's no TV.

Hey, where you

going, little guy?

Ain't this your kid?

Dada?

Yeah, that's my son.

Now, Calvin...

don't you have something

for the nice policeman?

- No.

- Come on.

You don't wanna go to prison with

the rest of the bad men, do you?

There we go.

Hey, the diamond.

Thanks, kid. Now your dad's

gonna get a big reward.

- A reward?

- Yeah, the insurance company...

offered $ 1 OO, OOO to

whoever found the diamond.

A hundred thousand dollars?

God, that's gonna come in handy.

Shoot, I could get

my car fixed...

get a new wedding

ring for my wife...

I could take a vacation,

buy a TV set-

And if there's any

change left over...

I'll give a little

something to my son.

Right. Well, we'll be in touch.

So...

Oh, come on. Let's not get

all mushy about this.

Let's iust shake hands

and part ways like men.

All right? No hard feelings?

- Nah, no hard feelings.

- All right.

Besides, it was kind of cool

having a son for a minute.

See? There you go with all

that sentimental stuff.

If that's the game

you wanna play...

I guess it was cool

having you as a fa-

Oh, boy.

What I'm trying to say is,

I've never really had a daddy.

I guess what I'm saying is...

you're gonna make a great

father, all right?

There, I said it.

Are you happy now?

Now, I'm gonna walk

out that back door...

and you ain't gonna see me no more.

Ever.

- But-

- Oh, it hurts.

- We-

- I know.

We'll never see

each other again.

- But we-

- Maybe that's for the best.

You'll start a family...

and you won't need a

lowlife criminal like...

Calvin Sims around anymore.

Actually what I was gonna say

is, we don't have a back door.

Okay, well, then I'll

go out the front.

- Fine.

- Well...

I'll be out of your lives for

good, never to return again.

Cool.

So long.

Farewell. Oh, God.

Aren't you gonna miss me?

Just a little bit?

- See you around, buddy.

- No?

Take care.

Goodbye.

It's so hard to say goodbye.

Why?

Nobody loves Calvin.

Because I'm short.

- They think I'm ugly.

- Hey, little man.

Wanna share a glass of milk?

Enough of all this girlie stuff.

This ain't Brokeback Mountain.

Hey, how about we put a little

bit of liquor in that milk?

Forget that. Let's go to a bar.

All right. Bet.

- Are you over 21?

- And then some.

All right.

Hey, I know this

great strip club.

Don't say that loud.

My wife might get mad.

- Oh, sorry.

- Got change of a hundred?

- No, we steal it from Pops.

- All right. All singles.

You a cute little fellow.

Yes, you are.

Take after your mama. You got a

lot of grandpoppy in you too.

Yes, you do, little boy.

Look at the little boy.

Where's the bottle?

The kid is starving.

I'm coming. I'm coming.

Old grouch.

Here he comes, little boy.

Don't worry. We gonna get

you some milk. Yeah.

That little guy's so cute...

it's making me go soft.

He look iust like his daddy.

Howdy-do, little boy.

So...

Oh, come on. Let's not get

all mushy about this.

Let's iust shake hands

and part ways like men.

All right? No hard feelings?

There, I said it.

Are you happy now?

Now, I'm gonna walk

out that back door...

and you ain't gonna see me no more.

Ever.

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