Little Miss Sunshine Page #4

What if you're not

on a hill? There's no hill.

What if there's no hill?

What do you-

Yeah, it's-

Olive, Dad, I want you

in the car first.

- I know. We know.

- All right, here we go!

Everybody push!

All right.

Here we go! Push! Push!

- [ Grunting ]

- Ok- Ok- Okay!

I just want everyone here to know...

that I am the preeminent

Proust scholar in the United States.

- Here we go!

- [ Engine Starts ]

- [ Sheryl ] Go on, honey.

- I'm putting it in gear!

- Go, honey!

- [ Richard ] Come on!

Come on, Olive!

Run! Run! Come on!

- Come on!

- Sheryl, let's go!

- [ Screaming ]

- Sheryl!

- Frank, let's go!

- I'm coming.

- [ Sheryl ] You're losing them. Slow down!

- I can't slow down!

- Come on! Come on! Come on, you dumb bastard!

- I can't. I can't slow down.

- I can't slow down!

- Let's go!

[ Sheryl ]

Help him. Come on!

Come on. Come on. Get in.

- [ Sheryl Screams, Laughs ]

- [ Frank ] No one gets left behind.

- [ Sheryl ] Close the door!

- No one gets left behind!

Outstanding, soldier!

Outstanding!

[ Laughs ]

Outstanding.

- Was that fun?

- Yeah.

[ Laughs ]

[ Richard ]

So finally I'm just sitting there...

and I decide, you know,

"This is Stan Grossman. What the hell?"

And I start pitching him

the nine steps.

And about- I don't know-

two minutes in, he stops me, he says...

"I can sell this."

[ Frank ]

Mm-hmm. Interesting.

Yeah, and this is the guy

who knows how to do it.

You start with a book, and then you do a media

tour, corporate events, DVD, VHS series.

I mean, there's a whole fascinating science

into how you roll these things out.

- Wow.

- Yeah, so he's in Scottsdale

right now, you know...

building the buzz and kind of getting

the whole hype thing going.

He's doing what the pros call

a ticking clock auction.

Oh, how about that!

Yeah, and I can detect

that note of sarcasm there, Frank.

What sarcasm? I didn't-

I didn't hear it.

But I want you

to know something.

I feel sorry for you.

You do? Good.

Yeah, I do. Because sarcasm

is the refuge oflosers.

- It is? Really?

- Yep.

Sarcasm is losers trying to bring

winners down to their level...

and that's step four in the program.

Wow, Richard, you've really opened

my eyes to what a loser I am.

- How much do I owe you

for those pearls of wisdom?

- That one's on the house.

- Okay, you guys, that's enough.

- It's on the house.

- That was for free?

- No charge. No charge.

- Stop it!

- He started it.

- [ Cell Phone Rings ]

- That's- Oh, wait a second.

- [ Sheryl ] You are so bad.

- Quiet. This is it. This is that call.

He-Hello?

Stan?

Stan?

[ Chattering In Spanish ]

Stan Grossman?

Richard Hoover.

[ Laughs ]

Finally. How're ya doin'?

No, I know. We were, uh, on the highway,

and I lost you on my cell.

Forget about it.

How'd we do?

Honey, I'm gonna use the ladies' room.

You need to go?

No. I'm gonna go practice

my routine over there.

Okay, well, don't go too far.

[ Richard ] Well, I think that wejust

gotta talk to him a little.

No, you gotta talk to him.

No, Stan, listen to me.

Hold on now.

I am going to get something to drink.

You want anything?

- Stay positive and-[ Continues, Indistinct ]

- Yeah, get me some porn.

[ Chuckles ]

Okay.

Get me something really nasty too.

I don't want any of that airbrushed sh*t.

- Okay.

- Okay, here's a 20.

Get yourself a little treat too.

- Get yourself a fag rag.

- [ Laughs ] All right. I will.

- Uh, that one. Yes. And that one.

- [ Bell Chimes ]

And I would like

that one- No, down.

Yes. Yes. Yes.

I would like that one.

And, uh, I will have a-

a blue raspberry Slushee.

Frank?

Oh, my God! How are you?

- Uh-

- I thought you were gonna be

in Santa Fe for the conference.

- I was looking for you.

- [ Bell Chimes ]

- Aren't you supposed to be in New Haven?

- Yeah.

- Well, you heard about Larry and

the whole genius thing, right?

- Yeah.

- It's official.

- Oh, good.

So we're going to this private

spa in Sedona for the week-

- Larry's here?

- Yeah.

- He's out filling the tank. He's, uh-

- Oh. Yeah, there he is.

Wow. I can't believe this.

How have you been?

I've been fine.

Good. Good.

You know, I heard

that you got fired.

Yeah. No, I quit, 'cause

enough is enough, you know?

Right. Good. Good.

[ Chuckles ]

So what are you up to now?

Um, I'm weighing my options...

and, um, just, you know,

taking some time off, and so-

Great. That's great.

$ 19.79, sir.

[ Man Singing Country ]

So-

- Well, it was great to see you.

- Yeah, you too.

- Take care of yourself.

- You too.

Bye.

[ Singing Continues ]

[ Clerk ] Hey.

- You forgot your Slushee.

- [ Horn Honks ]

[ Continues ]

You're in Scottsdale right now, right?

Okay, I can come by.

I'm gonna be coming through there.

I could swing right by. We could-

Christ.

He's not getting it.

[ Richard ]

Did you try that?

Listen to what

I'm saying, Stan! I'll-I'll-

[ Bell Chimes ]

So what happened?

Nothing.

Let's get out of here.

Wait a minute. I thought

you said this was a done deal.

- He said it was a done deal.

- What, you didn't get anything?

Oh, my God!

Where does that leave us?

F***ed.

That's where it leaves us.

- I can't believe I'm hearing-

Did you even try negotiating?

- Yes! Of course I tried!

What do you think l-

Let's just go, okay?

Let's go. Let's go.

Come on.

Let's go!

"Where's Olive?"

Oh!

- [ Horn Honks ]

- All right, Frank.

- Come on, Olive.

- Come on, Olive.

Come on, sweetie, jump.

Jump in the car.

- We can't stop. Jump.

- I got her! I got her!

[ Sheryl Whoops ]

Richard.

Yeah.

Whatever happens, you tried

to do something on your own...

which is more than

most people ever do...

and I include myself

in that category.

You took a big chance.

That took guts, and I'm proud of you.

Okay, Dad.

Thank you.

Thank you, Dad.

Okay, here is 11.

Frank, you're 12.

And Grandpa's 13.

Can I sleep with Grandpa tonight?

Well, you'll have to ask Grandpa.

- Grandpa?

- I got two beds.

You could still use some rehearsing.

[ Olive ]

Yeah, that's what I was thinking.

[ Richard ] All right, everybody,

we have a long day tomorrow.

I'll knock on your doors at 7:00 a.m.

That means no lollygagging.

We need to be packed

and on the road by 7:40, guys.

- [ Sheryl ] Frank, you guys'll be okay?

- [ Frank ] Yeah, we're fine.

- Okay, well, good night.

- Good night.

- Sleep tight.

- Okay.

What a f***ing nightmare.

[ Door Closes ]

Richard, we-

we have to talk.

Please.

Sheryl, let's just

get through this and go home.

[ Sheryl ]

No, Richard, we have to talk now!

[ Richard ] I tried to tell you

we couldn't afford this trip!

- Do you realize we're becoming bankrupt?

- We are not bankrupt!

- [ Arguing Continues ]

- Hey, don't listen to that.

Let's turn on the tube.

- We agree that the right man

to preserve the traditions-

- I'm gonna brush my teeth.

Secretary Rumsfeld and I

thought long and hard...

about this important choice.

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