Little Nicky Page #8

INT. BASKETBALL ARENA STANDS - CONTINUOUS

As Nicky runs out on the court, Peter turns to John.

PETER:

Look who's back from the dead.

JOHN:

Six, six, six, pick up sticks.

They high-five. The only happy fans in their section.

INT. TODD'S APARTMENT - CONTINUOUS

Todd's baffled, looking at his roommate on TV. Beefy is

watching from the fire escape.

TODD:

What's Nicky doing down there?

BEEFY:

Trying to capture his brother in a flask

and preserve the balance of good and

evil on Earth.

Todd looks over, suspicious.

TODD:

Did you just talk?

BEEFY:

No.

INT. BASKETBALL ARENA - CONTINUOUS

The court announcer covers his mic and whispers to Nicky.

COURT ANNOUNCER:

You better win these people some free

pizza. Looks like they're about to

start killing each other.

STANDS:

A BUSINESSMAN pushes a very old SODA GUY down an aisle of

stairs.

COURTSIDE:

The court announcer hands Nicky the ball. He looks at it.

NICKY:

Release the evil.

His eyes get red. Staring at the ball, it explodes.

NICKY (CONT'D)

Okay, too much evil..

Bill Walton's hair is on fire.

BILL WALTON:

I think that ball just blew up. And

yes, my hair is aflame.

NICKY:

(turning to sideline)

Could I get another ball?

The court announcer throws out another ball. Nicky stares at

it again with red eyes.

NICKY (CONT'D)

I command you not to blow up and go into

that metal circle.

Nicky throws an underhand shot. The ball arcs through the

air and is about to go in when the ref comes out of nowhere

and swats it away.

REF:

Get that crap outta here!

The crowd BOOS! Nicky and the ref stare at each other.

NICKY (O.S.)

I know you're having fun, Cassius, but

you gotta come back to Hell.

CASSIUS (O.S.)

Look around you, Nicky. We're in Hell.

The New Hell.

STANDS:

We see FITZIE, sitting between TWO PREGNANT WOMEN, raising

the roof.

COURTSIDE:

As the crowd BOOS, Nicky runs over and grabs the microphone.

NICKY:

Listen up, New York. Your souls are in

great danger...

Nicky gets hit by a hot dog.

NICKY (CONT'D)

Alright, how about this? I get one more

shot. The ref will cover me. I miss

it, the Globetrotters forfeit the game.

I make it, he doesn't ref the second

half and we all start conducting

ourselves like decent human beings

again.

The crowd is silent.

NICKY (CONT'D)

And we get free pizza.

The crowd roars.

INT. ANNOUNCING BOOTH - CONTINUOUS

Bill Walton's hair is now burnt looking.

BILL WALTON:

I think it's safe to say we're all

rooting for this bizarre and hideous

looking man.

Bill Walton reaches over to an old lady sitting near him. He

takes off her wig, leaving behind her bald head, and puts her

wig on his head in order to cover his burnt hair.

The crowd starts YELLING.

CROWD:

Nicky! Nicky! Nicky!

STANDS:

John and Peter are yelling the loudest.

COURTSIDE:

The ref walks to half-court and hands Nicky the ball.

NICKY:

You know, Dad got very sick when you

left.

REF:

I heard. I'm glad he's dying. It's my

turn now.

Nicky's eyes get red, he starts dribbling.

INT. TODD'S APARTMENT - CONTINUOUS

Beefy is watching, transfixed.

BEEFY:

Take him to the hole, Nicky.

(Todd stares)

I mean, woof! Woof!

Todd looks at Beefy, terrified.

INT. TUNNEL

We see CORNROWS and some other Globetrotters are coming back

from the locker room. They stop to watch.

INT. BASKETBALL COURT - MIDCOURT - CONTINUOUS

Nicky pushes the ball up the court while the ref plays

extremely tight defense. Nicky fakes one way, then heads

toward the basket. The ref stays tight. Nicky's eyes are

redder than ever. He fakes left, he fakes right. He

dribbles behind the back, dribbles between the legs, then

takes his momentum up toward the basket. He jumps from the

foul line and flies through the air. He emits a crazy, blood

curdling, devil yell.

CUT AWAY DURING DEVIL YELL TO:

SHOT CLOCK:

It reads:
666.

Popcorn and sodas EXPLODE.

Cornrow's cornrows POP open into a GIANT AFRO.

BACK ON NICKY:

Nicky's head starts turning and does a 360 (like the

Exorcist). He ends his flight by slamming down a thunderous

dunk, cracking the backboard's glass into pieces. He hits

the ref on the way down. The crowd CHEERS, finally happy

again.

NICKY:

Never doubt my skills.

INT. TUNNEL - CONTINUOUS

CORNROWS:

Damn, I gotta learn how to do that.

MID-COURT

Nicky sees the ref is lying on the basketball arena floor,

covered in glass. He gets up slowly

REF:

That's nuts. When'd you learn that

sh*t?

NICKY:

Sorry, Cassius. Maybe it was the super

devil juice Dad gave me. HE thought I

might need it for just such an occasion.

REGIS:

Super devil juice? Give it over. Let's

go best two out of three.

NICKY:

(pulls out the flask)

No. No way. Dad said it was only for

me.

The ref rips the flask from Nicky and drinks.

Cassius screams like bloody hell as he is sucked out of the

ref's mouth and into the bottle. WHOOSH! The ref slumps to

the floor.

STANDS:

Still quiet until John and Peter rush to Nicky and bow.

COURTSIDE:

Nicky peers into the flask.

CASSIUS (O.S.)

Damn you, Nicky! There ain't no super

devil juice in here!

Nicky caps the flask. Nicky waves to the stunned, but

appreciative crowd.

INT. TODD'S APARTMENT - NIGHT

A homemade cake is laid out. It reads: CONGRATULATIONS,

NICKY. JOHN, TODD, PETER AND BEEFY are there.

TODD:

So your father's the devil, you're a

talking dog sent from Hell, and you guys

are who?

PEEPER:

Just a couple of big fans of Nicky and

the work his Dad does.

JOHN:

By the way, Nicky. Check this out.

He spins his Black Sabbath backwards.

JOHN (CONT'D)

What's Ozzy trying to say there?

NICKY:

Absolutely nothing. The Blizzard always

came straight with his messages. But

wrap your minds around this one.

Nicky gets up and we see his is sitting on a hibachi. He pus

on a James Taylor album and plays it backwards.

VOICE:

I command you in the name of the Lucifer

to spread the blood of the innocent.

John and Peter look at each other, shocked.

JOHN:

No wonder your uncle's so weird...

TODD:

I gotta say this cake tastes a little

funny.

PETER:

Oh, I dumped a fat sack of reefer in the

mix. Tried to spice up the bash.

Nicky takes a big bite of cake.

NICKY:

What's reefer?

DISSOLVE TO:

INT. APARTMENT - LATER

PAN UP from Popeye's laying everywhere. Everyone's laughing

hard.

JOHN:

Come on. One more time.

NICKY:

Not again, fellas. It kind of hurts.

PETER:

Please. You got to.

NICKY:

(resigned)

All right...

Nicky loosens up his neck and makes his head go around 360

degrees. Everyone cracks up, high fives. Even Todd LAUGHS.

PAN OVER to Beefy, who has bloodshot eyes.

BEEFY:

I used to get baked like this with my

first girlfriend, Heather. We'd get so

stoned she would forget I was a dog.

JOHN:

She was human?

BEEFY:

Actually, she was a sewer rat. Man,

that pissed my parents off.

JOHN:

I dated a Japanese girl once. My

parents disapproved. Not cause she's

Japanese, but cause she was only

fifteen.

NICKY:

I'm only fifteen...thousand years old.

Everyone cracks up.

TODD:

I was in love one time but she said I

wasn't financially reliable enough. And

she needed that.

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