Lloyd the Conqueror Page #9

---

Who even dare to perform

such a powerful spell.

With it, there is only a

one in one thousand chance

That Lloyd can lose.

Lactatus, intoleras, pesneris,

maxitosis matchus leakus.

Ha!

A critical miss.

Damn!

(INDISCERNIBLE SWEARING)

That was the one in

one thousand chance.

The gods of fate have

pre-Ordained my win,

And your loss.

You know what,

enough of this bullshit.

Right now,

right here, you and me,

No spells, no tricks.

Silence, I have to

decide what type of spell

Would be most humiliating

to end this battle.

Shall I turn you

into a buttercup,

Or perhaps a horrible kitten

with little rotten teeth?

You scared?

What?

Are you scared to

fight me man to man?

If you win by casting

some fruity spell,

It will be a hallow victory

because everybody here knows

It's because you were scared.

Your attempt to bait me

into some type of needless

Physical prowess

combat test, it's futile.

It's good, I'm glad then,

because, well I had Patrick

Break into your

place last night,

And take a sh*t on your copy

of prince finntor, number one.

You liar.

You liar!

The student has

become the master.

Blood gods,

why have you forsaken me?!

Well, I guess

the good guys win.

LLOYD:
I have never worked

so hard to pass a class.

Lloyd, watch out!

Wha!

Lightning bolt.

Ah! Ah, it burns.

It burns like, ah!

It burns my

eyes like- Like piss!

Aaah!

I swore I'd never use

my magic in anger again.

I don't think one

relapse is that bad.

PATRICK:
You guys should have seen

what those chicks did to Leopold.

OSWALD:
Yeah, they kept calling

him a pervert as they beat him,

And I couldn't take it anymore,

I had to stop watching.

You did it.

Well, you helped a little.

Hey, where did Derek go?

Oh, he ran off into the woods

after Andy melted his face.

OSWALD:
So those cool gnomes are

talking about getting some pizza.

I'm buying, but don't let that

unicorn sh*t in my sister's van.

(APPLAUSE)

PATRICK:
Make sure to establish

that you're the one in charge.

If you let her take control,

it's gonna ruin your life.

I think they'll

be fine, Patrick.

Lloyd, the key to a good

relationship is compromise.

Oh, and don't forget

to sign a sex contract.

I'll keep that in mind.

What the hell's a sex contract?

How do you think me and

my internet girlfriend

Have been together for so long?

I'm never using

your keyboard again.

Ready to go?

- Are you?

- Mm-Hmm.

Alright Oswald,

take care of this one for me.

- Will do.

- Peace out boys.

OSWALD:

Bye Cassandra.

Hey, make sure to

be back at 8:
00,

We got that new agent danger

movie on pay per view.

ANDY:
And thus goes the tale

of Lloyd the conqueror.

Everything in our

world was set back

The way it was supposed to be.

Through hard fought battles,

and the bravery of the people,

Our larping league had

found its balance again.

Fun replaced fear,

teamwork replaced treachery.

The forests and playgrounds

reverberated with the whispers

And wonder of magic

and overall good times.

It was like all

the secrets of the larp

Had somehow remained pure,

And were able to show themselves

through us, once again.

That is, until the

shadows grow strong,

And rise to challenge the

forces of light, once again.

To do so, one

would need an object

Of great and terrible magic,

Whose price would be

one's soul and sanity.

No one would dare.

And so it is written, by me.

Anyway, I'm old, and I ramble.

So do you want to buy

a copy of my new book?

I don't know, you just

told me the whole thing.

What if I signed it?

Look, I'd really just like to

sign up for demons and dwarves,

And get out of here.

Ok, the registration

fee is $50,

But I must warn you,

It's uh,

non-Refundable.

I must also warn you,

Don't feed the unicorn tacos.

KLAUS:

For glory.

KLAUS:
Oh yes,

yes, good

Jorgen.

Ooohh ha ha.

Oh, you can do more than that.

Come on, let's

see what you got.

Oh!

Oh, that was good, actually.

Hiya!

Oh, you got me unaware.

(EVIL LAUGHTER)

(EVIL LAUGHTER CONTINUES)

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes