Lola Versus Page #3

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- Okay.

- Okay, not here. Let's--

I was thinking about this in the taxi yesterday

when I was watching that little TV set.

Right.

- It's about freezing.

- Freezing?

Think you might want to think about

freezing the eggs.

The eggs?

- My eggs?

- Yes, those eggs.

Oh, come on, Mom.

I am not gonna have children anytime soon.

Well, exactly my point. You will.

They do it in a great facility. Trust me.

My friend Debbie did it.

She has eggs all over the city.

Six happy children.

Well, one of them's a giant, but very nice.

That's so depressing.

I am already depressed.

- Could you let me grieve, please?

- Grieve, grieve. We're all grieving.

But I'm just trying to think practically

on your behalf.

You're not getting any younger.

They shrivel.

Could we just talk about something else?

I don't f***ing know.

Sangreesha, house specialty.

You wanna hear

You broke my heart

You broke my heart

I wanna hear

You're gonna finish what you start

You wanna put

Hell really is bright.

I always forget that Times Square exists.

Yeah, it does.

For all time, it's been here.

All these lights make me nauseous.

I...

I...

- Hi.

- Hi!

Remember when I had a beard

like that in college?

It was awful.

I looked hot.

Poor Alice, she just keeps getting cast

as these peasants.

Was that sign language

she was doing part of the play?

- Or was she translating for someone?

- I don't know.

No, she did this dream therapy workshop...

...where she said her and her character melded

in a past life as a deaf-mute.

Ah. She looked great.

And what was up with the lead guy, Roger?

- It was like he was half asleep.

- I don't know.

He was terrible.

I don't know why she's obsessed with him.

- She's obsessed?

- Yeah.

Why? She could do way better.

- Congratulations.

- Yay! I loved it.

- Thank you.

- Oh, I had an off night.

You were great too.

I accidentally took a Xanax before this show.

I thought it was an Advil.

That's insane. You're insane.

You're so talented.

- I couldn't tell at all.

- I basically directed myself.

- Yeah.

- Director's a hack.

Some Yale grad, whatever.

I'm actually adapting this for the screen.

I got so much inside and it just--

You know, I'm so--

I'm f***ing talented, you know?

I know it inside.

So okay, tell me, was I okay?

Did you see me? Did I find my light?

You were so believable. Heh.

Why are you laughing?

Was I too much? Was it over the top?

Because I can bring it down.

I can make it, you know,

less viewpointy, more Congo.

What does that even mean?

The whole thing is a metaphor

for genital mutilation.

- Did you not get that?

- Oh...

- Do you want me to carry your thermos?

- Oh, yeah. That would be awesome.

So this is weird, I'm sorry...

...but do you think that you could

stay over with me tonight?

Nights are really hard.

Uh...

Sure.

- Yeah?

- Yeah.

Thanks. I know it's weird. I just--

- No, no, no. Totally, totally, totally.

- I appreciate it. Okay.

Why are you waving at me?

Waving good night.

Don't sleep on the couch.

What's your thread count?

Like... two.

Cool.

Just a-being in your service

- Ha-ha-ha.

- It's the tapered leg on the... Ahem.

They evince the troubled, nimble wit

Oh, nothing in return

But storm and pessimism

Oh.

Being good for me

And just a-standing in your pretty prison

- Thanks for staying over.

- Yeah, of course.

Oh, God, Luke would kill me

if he knew I was in your bed.

I'm pretty sure that Luke

no longer has jurisdiction over these parts.

Yeah, that's true.

Being good for me

And just a-standing in your pretty prison

You're standing here

You think you love me

DOD T you?

Maybe you're the presence

That begs needing other reasons

I got "Summer still looks pretty"

I got hungry for the hungry seas

Stop. We can't do this.

Yes, we can. It's fine.

No, Luke's a good friend.

Yeah, but you're my best friend.

I'm a rebound.

No, you're more of a layup.

Oh, I feel like I'm breaking code.

I don't know what the rules are

in this situation.

We can make up the rules.

We don't have to have sex.

I don't...

Well, you know I've always

had feelings for you.

No, I didn't know that.

Yeah, so I think we should--

We should just be careful, you know,

and take it slow.

- Okay.

- Okay.

- Good night.

- Good night.

Luke.

Yeah, it's me.

I really miss you.

Can I see you?

I feel like I'm gonna puke.

- What am I doing? I don't know what I'm doing.

- Okay, look.

Here, open your mouth.

Ugh! What? What's that?

- Weed in a bottle.

- What?

Freshens the breath

and gets you f***ed up, dude.

I got it in Koreatown last time I was in L.A.

Smuggled it in my cooch pouch on the plane.

- I am going to kill you!

- Here. Relax!

God! Put this weed candy

under your tongue.

- Stop it! You need help.

- You don't want this?

- No.

- Are you sure?

- Yes.

- Okay.

- What exactly is the point of this meeting?

- I need closure.

I don't know. I don't know what I need.

I'm hot. Is it hot out?

- Feel like I'm gonna be sick. It smells like sulfur.

- Lola:

What does that last part mean?

"You don't have a wife yet,

but you named your son Somalingam."

- Ancient Indian proverb.

- What?

Find your spirit animal

and ride it till its dick falls off.

- All right?

- Right.

- All right.

- Okay.

- Go get him.

- I'm going.

- I got your back.

- I love it.

I love you.

All right.

How's the dissertation coming?

Slowly. The silence is killing me.

How's the painting?

It's really good.

I've been getting a lot of work done and...

Wow.

Are you okay?

Yeah, I'm fine.

What?

Think I'm gonna...

I'm just trying to figure out

what I'm eating or...

How long did you know?

Know what?

That you were gonna leave me.

I mean, honestly?

Not long.

I mean, I think it was when

the whole wedding started to feel real.

You know, with your family

and the flowers and the plane tickets.

And suddenly I was just--

- Dude, were you just pretending to love me?

- No.

Of course not.

So, what are we doing?

I don't know.

Hey.

Please, don't cry.

I don't think I can see you anymore.

Why?

It's too painful.

But if we're both missing each other,

I don't see why--

I just can't.

- Hey.

- What the heck happened to you?

You went AWOL for three hours.

I thought he killed you...

- ...and disappeared to the Catskills.

- We had sex.

Yeah, I saw a 20/20 like that.

In fact, girl who's supposed to be married...

...head found severed near

a Jewish community center.

Are you listening to me?

I said we had sex.

Yes, I'm listening.

Wait, what did you say?

It's like he's good for me,

but he's bad for me.

- Yeah.

- You know?

The guy who's supposed to make me

feel safe is actually dangerous...

...which just makes me

want to have sex with him.

I'm drunk. I love macrobiotic food.

Who puts your sentences together?

Honestly, your brain is like a bad DJ.

- It was terrible. I had to see him.

- Yeah. Well, hey, at least you got options.

Me, I can't find someone to love me

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