Lola Versus Page #4

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momentarily during orgasm...

...which is really an easy moment

to love someone fleetingly, no?

- What happened?

- Roger wouldn't have sex with me.

- Oh, boy.

- Like I was some refugee.

Then I went and got drunk by myself,

unless a bottle of Kahla counts as a partner...

...then went back

and hate-f***ed him two times.

Yeah. I don't know, I don't know.

Maybe you're right,

maybe I should just date Henry.

Oh, God. Um...

- We made out.

- What?

Ba-ba-ba. Back up the train.

Why didn't you tell me?

- Because I didn't want you to judge me.

- Judge you?

I don't know, I think I like him?

Okay. Wow, okay.

Should I slit my wrists now

or just wait till after the meal?

Oh, stop it. You are going to find someone

just the second you stop looking.

- Have you been on Match.com lately?

- Seriously, now.

What am I eating? This is just gas in a box.

Come on. What are you, old?

I'm sorry, I didn't realize that we would be

tracing the New York City Marathon route.

- We're here.

- Where?

Neil Sedaka's house.

Never wondered where Neil Sedaka lives?

No. Should I be expecting a lot

of Neil Sedaka covers at your show?

How weird does it sound...

- ...to say "Neil Sedaka" this many times?

- Neil Sedaka, Neil Sedaka, Neil Sedaka.

And we'll watch

The world burn

And we'll watch

The world burn

It's the one that got away

It's the one that never came

It's the chances that you missed

It's the girl you never kissed

It's the one you never had

It's the one that left you sad

It's the one that got away

It's the one that never came

It's the chances that you missed

It's the girl you never kissed

It's the one you never had

It's the one that left you sad

Hey.

- What happened to you?

- I spray-tanned. What happened to you?

I don't see you for two weeks,

and now you're ethnically ambiguous.

It's a conversation starter.

- I wanna get closer.

- Yeah, good.

I want to start telling people

I was on vacation.

Hi, I'm 30, I'm looking to have children.

How are you?

You're 29.

Oh, I round up,

then I get the cougar advantage.

Like the father time

Like we hit the end just as we hit rewind

- I like what you're doing!

- Yeah!

Saturn returns

You're so hot!

Saturn returns

Oh, sh*t.

Oh, f***.

What?

I don't know.

I'm the one, I'm the one

I'm the one, I'm the one

Hi.

Hey, Alice. How you doing?

Great. I just got back from vacation.

- It's a good look.

- Thank you.

- Great look.

- Thanks.

- Hey.

- Hey.

- Luke. Hi.

- Hi.

What are you doing here?

Well, I'm just watching my friend.

He's a singer.

So funny. My friend just dragged me along.

She knows someone in the band too.

So, Peggy, this is Lola.

- Lola, this is Peggy.

- Nice to meet you.

Saturn returns

Saturn returns

Saturn returns

Yes. No, could you excuse us?

Saturn returns

Saturn returns

Saturn returns

- Fun club.

- Yeah.

- Who's Peggy?

- She's just this girl.

- She's just a girl.

- Yeah.

We hung out a few times.

I mean, it's nothing.

- Are you dating her?

- No. No, I'm not.

I mean, it depends on

how you define "dating" here.

You're unbelievable!

I thought that you said

that you wanted time alone.

I did. I do.

This is what we should be doing.

You should be doing it too.

Did you know her while we were together?

Just socially. I wasn't cheating on you,

if that's what you're getting at.

I mean, we just recently started hanging out.

Yes, I know that you started hanging out,

because I read your text messages!

What? Why would you do that?

Why would I trust you?

You're so selfish and good-looking!

Stop being a martyr, all right?

Sometimes you have to be selfish.

I was never selfish.

I always put you before me.

Yeah, maybe that was the problem.

Well, I'm dating Henry! That's what I'm doing!

That is why I am here!

What? What?

What?

Really?

Yep! Must make you feel weird that

I'm dating your best friend.

But I'm doing it because

I guess that's what I should be doing.

No, no, I'm glad it's him.

Yeah, she's not even into him.

Look how hot he is.

But whatevs, it's super "cazh."

- I'm gonna go throw up.

- Me too. I'm gonna throw up too.

I can't believe he's dating somebody else.

This is very, very dirty.

But you know what, honey?

You are dating someone else too.

Do you want to dance?

Now? A site-specific bathroom dance party?

- No, like I gotta get out of here.

- Oh, yeah.

- Okay?

- Yeah, let's go.

Listen, I'm sorry, I know it's shitty--

Did you f*** her?

No, I swear.

- Hey. That was so great.

- Hey.

Your new boyfriend and me

had a little chitchat.

- Oh, yeah?

- Yeah.

- Was it fun?

- Great.

I mean, out of all people.

I mean, really.

Dude, it's not like it was planned.

You sure about that?

- Well, it's not as planned as your wedding.

- Hey, f*** you!

I have food poisoning.

I gotta load out, so...

- I'll call you tomorrow.

- I won't.

Touch. We're going.

I'm gonna get my bathing suit on

Gonna get my base face on

Gonna get my hat out of loan

Gonna get my space face on

I'm gonna turn all snakes into bone

Go wishing the stone

Keep the crystal cat cold

Gotta get to the throne

Hope my baby

May we meet a beastman

Hold us there

Happy but by one hand

Gonna get my pile of stone

Hello?

It's Lola! It's me! Let me in, please!

It's 4 in the morning.

Dude, stop. You're really drunk.

- Oh, are you close?

- Yeah.

- Yeah?

- Yeah, yeah.

- Yeah? Oh. Mm.

- Yeah. Yeah.

So, what do you sound like

when you really come?

I don't know.

I guess I'm... quieter.

When you told Luke

that I was your boyfriend...

...did you say that

just to make him mad or...?

I don't know. I'm so messed up right now.

Hey.

You're not messing anything up.

You know, we don't have to label anything.

We can just be.

You know, in the '70s,

folks like you were with a lot of people.

Made sense.

Yeah, they had a lot of STDs.

Well, hey, remember, it's not perfect fidelity,

it's high fidelity.

Dad, what kind of

bumper-sticker crap is that?

That's not crap, that's wisdom.

There is a fine line.

Thank you, sage father.

Look, you know, I know that having

your mom and I as parents...

...has kind of made you into

a stressed-out kid...

...but you put a lot of pressure on yourself

to live out a life...

...that maybe is a little more conventional

than what you were raised in.

Sometimes it's good, you know,

to just shake life up a little bit.

Let it fall out of your hands.

You'll catch it.

Mm-hm.

You have such a musical voice.

Do you play any instruments or...?

No, actually. I, um--

Do you play any instruments?

No. I'm much more visual.

Yeah. Anyway, you asked me a question.

No, I didn't want to be a prison architect.

That just kind of happened.

Mm. That's awesome.

Yeah. Yeah, it is.

Lola.

You're a writer. What do you...

...want to write about?

Cats.

- Cats.

- Like, the history of cats.

There's something...

...wonderfully feline about you.

Meow. Ha-ha-ha.

No, I was kidding.

I thought, because

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