Lolita Page #5

Well, you didn't tell me...

...about all of them.

Charlotte, if it would make you

any happier...

...I will sit right down and make out

a complete list...

...of every woman I have ever known.

Would that satisfy you?

I'm lonesome.

I think it's healthy for me to be jealous.

It means that I love you.

You know how happy I can make you.

But...

...Charlotte, I haven't even had

my morning cup of coffee yet.

You want me to make you some?

Please do that, like a good little wife.

All right.

Darling...

I don't care about any other woman.

I know that our love is sacred,

the others were profane.

Yes, "sacred," that's right, that's what it is.

Hum, baby, you know,

I love the way you smell.

You do arouse the pagan in me.

Hum, you just touch me

and I go as limp as a noodle.

It scares me.

Yes, I know the feeling.

Do you believe in God?

The question is:
Does God believe in me?

I wouldn't care if your maternal

grandfather turned out to be a Turk.

But if I ever found out...

...that you didn't believe in God...

...I think I would commit suicide.

A gun!

It belonged to Mr. Haze.

You should be careful with those things.

It's not loaded.

That's what they all say,

"I didn't know it was loaded. "

This is a sacred weapon.

It's a tragic treasure.

Mr. Haze purchased it

when he found out he was ill.

He wanted to spare me

the sight of his suffering.

Happily or unhappily,

he was hospitalized before he could use it.

Will you put it down, please?

Thank you.

That's better now, isn't it?

Oh, you man!

Darling...

...you know...

...I have a most ambitious fantasy.

What's yours?

I would love to get hold of

a real French servant girl...

...you know, like the German girls

the Farlows had...

...and have her come and live in the house.

No room.

We could put her in Lo's room.

I've been meaning to make a guest room

out of that hole, anyway.

And where, pray...

...will you put your daughter...

...when you get your guest or your maid?

You know, I've decided

to send her straight from camp...

...to a good boarding school...

...with strict religious training...

...and then on to college.

Darling, it's going to be you

and me alone...

...forever now.

Darling, you've gone away.

Just a minute, darling,

I'm following a train of thought.

It doesn't matter.

C'est la vie.

Am I on that train?

Yes.

I should hope so.

Let's let it ring.

Hello?

Yes, this is Mrs. Charlotte Humbert.

I'll accept the charges. It's Lolita.

She's calling long-distance.

Hello?

Hello, dear.

We're fine.

Yes.

We spent the honeymoon

on Hourglass Lake.

Well, with a few other young marrieds.

Is anything wrong?

You lost your new sweater?

In the woods?

Yes, he's here.

What do you want to thank him for?

Candy!

Just a minute.

Hum, I really wish that you would not

send her candy without consulting me.

I'm talking to you!

Even in the most harmonious households

such as ours...

...not all the decisions are taken

by the female...

...especially when the male partner

has fulfilled his obligations...

...beyond the line of duty.

When you wanted me to spend

my afternoons sunbathing by the lake...

...I was glad to become

the bronzed glamour boy for you...

...instead of remaining the scholar.

Even then I scoot along after you like

an obliging little lapdog.

Yes, I'm happy. I'm delighted

to be bossed by you, but...

...every game has its rules.

Lolita?

No man can bring about

the perfect murder.

Chance, however, can do it.

Just minutes ago she had said

it wasn't loaded.

What if I had playfully pulled

the trigger then?

"She said it wasn't loaded.

It belonged to the late Mr. Haze.

"She was having her morning tub.

"We had just finished talking

about our plans for the future.

"I decided to play a practical joke

and pretend I was a burglar.

"We were newlyweds and still did things

like that to each other.

"As soon as it happened I called

an ambulance, but it was too late. "

Simple, isn't it?

The perfect murder!

She splashed in the tub,

a trustful, clumsy seal...

...and all the logic of passion

screamed in my ear.;

"Now is the time. "

But, what do you know, folks...

...I just couldn't make myself do it.

The scream grew more and more remote...

...and I realized the melancholy fact

that neither tomorrow nor Friday...

...nor any other day or night...

...could I make myself put her to death.

Charlotte?

Darling?

That's my diary. We don't read

other people's diaries, do we?

Charlotte, that's my diary.

Give it to me, please.

Please. No, no.

"The Haze woman... "

"... the cow... "

"... the obnoxious mama... "

"... the brainless baba... "

The stupid Haze is no longer your dupe.

Give me that, please.

You leave that alone

or I'll scream out the window!

Let's discuss this.

Let's sit and discuss it quietly...

...like civilized people.

- You're a monster!

You're a disgusting, despicable,

loathsome, criminal fraud!

Don't do that.

- Can we discuss...

- Get out of my way!

- Get out of my way!

- No. I want to talk...

Go on, get out of my way.

I'm leaving here today.

You can have all of it.

But you are never going to see

that miserable brat again!

Charlotte, please, listen to me.

Charlotte, come here, please.

Charlotte, open the door!

I want to speak to you.

It's very easy to explain.

You have hallucinations.

You're crazy, Charlotte.

I'll get you a drink. That's what you want,

a nice little drink.

Harold, look what happened.

I was disloyal to you.

I couldn't help it, though.

Seven years is a very long time.

Why did you go and die on me?

I didn't know anything about life,

I was very young.

If you hadn't died,

all this wouldn't have happened.

Darling, forgive me.

Forgive me.

You were the soul of integrity.

How did we produce such a little beast?

I promise, I promise...

I promise you that

I'll know better next time.

Next time it's going to be somebody

you'll be very proud of.

Harold.

Those notes you found were fragments

of a novel that I'm writing.

Your name, and Lolita's,

were put in by mere chance...

...just because they were handy.

That's the way novelists work.

They think of the names of their friends...

...and the people who enter

into their daily lives...

...like the Farlows...

...and they think up funny situations.

I'm making a martini for you.

Charlotte!

I'll take it!

Yes?

Yes, this is he.

Yes.

What?

But my wife is upstairs in her bedroom.

Is this a gag? Is this one of the fellows

at the country club?

Just hold on, please.

Charlotte!

There's a man on the line

who says that you've been hit by a car!

Now, listen, please, my friend.

Just hold on one moment.

The ambulance is here.

Now, you take it easy, okay?

All right?

Mr. Humbert, she just ran

right in front of me!

I swerved around, you see,

to avoid hitting the dog, and...

...she just ran right in front of me.

My dad's in a state of shock,

I gotta look after him...

...but I just wanted you to know

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