Louisiana Purchase Page #7

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to have had a chance...

to be president.

My sister

would've liked it.

You get your name

in all the history books

with the other presidents.

Other presidents?

You mean there was somebody

before Roosevelt?

Wait a minute.

Let me see that picture.

There's nothing bad about this.

No, maybe not for you.

But it'd mean ruin to me.

Anyway, you got

your mother in.

You're still going

to bring her over?

I'm not going

to stop it now.

That'd be pretty cheap

revenge, wouldn't it?

No wonder I love you.

Sure, that's why you

lov... What? Love?

You call that love?

Why, you're almost old

enough to be his daughter.

The senator and I got engaged

last night and here we are

celebrating before the marriage.

Huh?

I smell a rat with

a Viennese accent.

Do you mean to say...

Do not try to hide it

from them, Oliver.

You know I proposed

and you accepted.

Are you sure?

You're a little hysterical.

Why don't you creep off and hold

your breath a little too long?

Go ahead and try and print

those pictures! You know

who they will hurt? You!

Snooping on two people who

are engaged. No decent paper

will print it and you know it!

If we're engaged,

this is blackmail!

Who's double-crossing who?

Let's be fair

about this.

I am double-crossing nobody.

I did your job.

Can I help it

if I fell in love?

You fell in love with

a 60-year-old foof?

I am not a foof!

I know.

I was bein' polite.

You fell in love

when I was around?

A 30-year-old foof?

So this is the girl

you dug up to help us!

Jim.

Come along. We want

to talk to you.

Wait a minute, fellas.

She's only kidding.

Tell them.

No, I'm not kidding.

Come on, Senator,

let's celebrate our engagement.

All right. Do you like

Mississippi River water?

A female Benedict Arnold.

Come on!

Get goin'!

Take it easy! I admit,

on the surface, it looks bad,

but if you think about it...

it gets worse, doesn't it?

Come on!

Hey!

[Indistinct Arguing]

Let's get back to the ball

and enjoy ourselves.

Wait a minute!

I can't walk around like this!

We'll send you

somethin' to wear,

somethin' to fit

your personality.

Never mind my personality.

At least throw me a fan!

[Growls]

[Barks]

? It's a lovely day?

? A-tomorrow?

? Tomor...?

What am I singin' about?

Am I a jer... I'm nuts.

? Tomorrow is a lovely day?

Yeah, if I live that long.

? Come and feast

your tear-dimmed eyes?

Feast! Here I am, caught in

the draft again, and you're

talkin' about eating!

? On tomorrow's

clear blue skies?

Fine time

for a weather report.

? If-a today?

If-a to-a-day!

? Your heart is weary?

Weary, he says.

I got heartburn!

? If every little thing

looks gray?

I can see those gray walls.

I hope I get a low number.

That's all I ask.

? So forget your troubles?

? And learn to say?

Aw, shut up!

? Tomorrow is a lovely day??

? Hmm-hmm?

[Chuckling]

Jolly! Jolly!

Politics! I should've

stayed in the butcher shop,

blowin' up turkey bladders.

What was I do...

Heh-heh.

Ha-ha!

[Kissing Sound]

? Tomorrow is a lovely day?

So, you're going

to marry the senator.

But he's 60 years old,

if he's a day.

To save my mother,

I will marry him if he's

90 years old, if he's a day.

Oh! But you don't

love the senator.

Yes, I love him!

What?

Yes, I love him

like he was my own son.

[Laughing]

Everybody feels that way

about the senator,

but that's not

enough for marriage.

Jimmy Taylor likes you

a lot, you know.

Hmm. Yes, I know.

He's crazy for me!

[Chuckling]

And much younger

than the senator.

Yes, I know.

I like him

in a much younger way

from the senator.

[Sighing]

It would be lovely

if I could marry Jimmy...

and adopt the senator.

[Laughing]

I've been lookin' all over

for you, you double-crosser.

Don't call me names, you crook!

Who's a crook and how

did you find out?

The senator.

He tell me all about

you and your crooks.

What did you

sell out for, $600?

I do not what I do for money.

I do it because I like

people who are honest.

Single-crossers!

I suppose it's honest

to marry a man old enough

to be your grandfather.

It is more honest

than framing him up.

I did what I did in

self-defense. You're doing

what you're doing in cold blood.

You're only jealous.

You only want to make

marriage with me yourself.

Are you kiddin'?

I wouldn't marry you if you

were the last woman on earth!

'Course, I'd still

keep your phone number.

I'm more good-natured than you.

If you were the last man on

earth, I would marry you. But

only if you were the last man!

If I were the last man.

If I were!

Bordy!

Jim, I'm glad you're here.

Marina is so unhappy.

She's unhappy?

You don't understand

why she's marrying the senator.

She's doing it for her mother.

Why does her old lady

want to see me go to jail?

No, she's getting

into the country.

Oh. Well, she can have my

quota number because I'll have

to get out of the country.

Why?

Look, Bordy, there's only

one chance left for me.

Yes?

And it's up to you.

Me?

I should've thought

of you first.

After all,

it's your reputation that gave

New Orleans its reputation!

Oh, Jimmy, now you're

just trying to flatter me.

No, I mean it!

You can make the senator forget

Marina, the investigation and

the White House if you want to.

Oh, but the senator

is such a cold-blooded fish.

Yeah, but you ever see

what happens to a cold fish

when you put the heat on?

It's cooked. And you

can make him sizzle, honey.

[Laughing]

Well, I suppose I could do it,

if I put my mind to it.

Well, you put your

mind to it and anything

else you can spare.

All right, I'll do it.

And now you go to Marina

and tell her you understand.

Oh, sure.

Thanks, Bordy.

You may be adding

20 years to my life.

[Knocking]

Hello.

Marina, it's me, Jimmy.

I wanna talk to ya.

I know what you want to say.

That I'm a dirty double-crosser

and no good.

Well, it's all true

and I don't want to

hear it. Good-bye.

Oh, no, no. That isn't

what I want to say.

No?

No, I would've done the same

thing. Madame Bordelaise

told me all about your mother.

And you forgiving me?

I forgiving you.

Please believing me.

Oh, but you will

go to jail.

Oh, what's 15

or 20 years...

as long as I know

you'll be waiting outside

those cold, gray walls.

And you'll run up to me like

this, take me in your arms

and kiss me like this.

Think I'll go back

and serve another year.

You mustn't do this.

Why, don't you like it?

Listen,

if you marry the senator,

this is what you'll get.

I don't say it's bad.

But if you marry me,

this is what you'll get.

Think it over, honey.

[Indistinct Muttering,

Snoring]

[Telephone Ringing]

Hello?

Yeah, this is me.

Oh, well, I don't want

to brag, Mr. Winchell,

but if you like corruption,

that's what I got.

Well, if you give me about

15 minutes to get dressed,

you can come up

and have breakfast with me

and we could...

Hello.

Oh, hello.

Oh, sure. Ju... Hey!

What are you doing here?

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