Love, Simon Page #8

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That dumpling place

I told you about?

Yeah.

You know, maybe you could go

with Martin.

Why would I go with Martin?

ANNOUNCER:
Please stand

for the national anthem.

This goes out

to all the refugees.

And my vocal coach,

Monica Lewis.

MAN:
Yeah!

O say can you see

By the dawn's early light

What so proud...

What the hell are you doing?

Sorry. Hi.

Hi, everyone.

Uh, sorry to interrupt.

Why are we interrupting

the national anthem?

MARTIN:

But I have something to say...

that's a little more important

than the national anthem.

No offense, America.

Abigail Katherine Susso...

when you transferred

to Creekwood High School,

just a short three

and a half months ago,

you not only transferred

into a new school,

you transferred your way

into a new heart

belonging to me.

My heart. Right here.

And whether it was being

your partner in pong,

or your Waffle House warrior,

I have cherished...

the 135,300 minutes

that we've spent together.

Oh, I'm sorry.

135,301 minutes.

And I know that you're

this smart, talented

perfect creature.

And, uh, I'm just a sweaty

schlub in a bear costume.

But like old Bogie used to say,

it's a "crazy mixed-up world."

So, Abby,

without further ado...

will you go out with me?

She's too hot for you, assface!

Excuse me. Sorry.

Just say yes. Say yes.

ABBY:
Martin...

I am so sorry.

I don't feel that way about you.

You don't?

No.

But I really like

hanging out with you

and I don't know, maybe we could

still be friends, you know?

Yeah, uh...

Are those doves?

(crowd gasps)

No, no, hey, hey! Suraj!

Hey! No, no!

She said no! No, don't.

(crowd laughing)

Yo, I thought you said

she liked him.

Not the ceremonious

dove launch I was hoping for.

But still uplifting to free

some birds.

Yeah.

Okay, uh...

Enjoy the game.

Nice try, Martin!

And way to go, Martin!

You gave it a shot! Right?

(all cheering)

That was terrible.

Don't worry, people will get

over it in a few weeks.

(glass shattering)

(bear growls)

MARTIN (imitating Trump):

This is Donald J. Trump.

Martin Addison can't come

to the phone right now.

Hey, Martin, it's Simon. Again.

Um, look, I wanna make sure

you're doing all right.

I know it's been tough

since, uh...

Well, you know since when.

Um, listen. Just...

Just give me

a call back, okay?

I just wanna

make sure you're okay.

- (knocking on window)

- (yelps)

Hey! What you doin' in there?

Really?

I need you to help me decorate.

Untangle these for me, will ya?

This is not cool. I'll be down

in a minute, okay?

- What's not cool?

- I'll be down in a minute.

The fact that you're on

a ladder next to my room!

I can still clearly see you.

All right, there you go.

Okay. Merry Christmas.

(computer chimes)

BLUE:
Jacques,

I'm drinking eggnog and packing

to go to my dad's cabin

on Lake Rabun.

I'm pretty sure

there's a photo of it

on the Wikipedia page

for "middle of nowhere."

Middle of nowhere.

I'm going to

an unheated vacation house

in the middle of nowhere.

Oh, sh*t.

BLUE:
There's barely

electricity

and definitely

no cell service

so this will be my last email

for a while.

It should be a real

rite of passage.

A dad and his gay son

pretending they like

to fish and trying to find

things to talk about.

It's gonna to be

an excruciating two weeks

without you, Jacques.

Love, Blue.

SIMON:
Sounds like you're

gonna need some good music.

So I'm sending a list

of the seven best

Christmas songs of all time.

Of course it includes

David Bowie's

"Little Drummer Boy,"

and Smokey Robinson

& The Miracles'

"Christmas Everyday,"

but the number one song

you're gonna need,

and trust me,

I know this sounds

a little bit twee...

("Someday at Christmas" playing)

Someday at Christmas

Men won't be boys

Playing with bombs

Like kids play with toys

One warm December

Our hearts will see

A world where men are free

Ooh

Someday at Christmas

There'll be no wars

When we have learned

What Christmas is for

When we have found

What life's really worth

There'll be peace on Earth

Someday all our dreams

Will come to be

Someday in a world

Where men are free

Maybe not in time

For you and me

But someday

At Christmas time

Someday at Christmas

We'll see a land...

(cell phone ringing)

- Si, have you seen it?

- Hey.

Seen what?

CreekSecrets.

You need to look

at your computer right away.

MARTIN:
Dear fellow

Creekwood students,

Simon Spier

has a secret male pen pal.

Because he's gay.

Interested parties

may contact him directly

to discuss arrangements

for butt sex.

Ladies need not apply.

We should all probably be

talking about this

instead of Martin Addison's

homecoming debacle

which was actually

kind of sweet,

and romantic,

if you think about it.

Sincerely, Anonymous.

LEAH:
Si, have you read it?

SIMON:
I can't talk right now.

- LEAH:
No. Si, wait!

- I gotta go.

Si?

I saw it.

I already reported it.

They're gonna take it down.

It's too late.

No, there's people

who've already seen it, so...

it doesn't really matter.

It's true.

I'm gay.

Oh...

So what are you gonna do?

I don't know.

You could deny it.

Why the hell

would I deny it, Nora?

I'm not ashamed of it.

You've just never really

said anything.

So what?

What does that have to do

with anything?

What the hell

are you talking about?

(sobbing) Sorry.

SIMON:
I know you're going

off the grid

and you won't see this

until you're back,

but something's happened.

You're gonna find out

who I am.

And someone posted our emails.

Please don't freak out.

Please, Blue.

I need you to promise me

you won't disappear.

(computer chiming)

- (cell phone vibrating)

- (exhales)

NORA:
Mum,

let me open my present.

EMILY:
Honey, I'm trying to

tell you you need to shave.

JACK:
Does that mean

you're gonna keep cooking?

NORA:
Yeah, of course. I can

make dinner tonight, too.

- JACK:
Awesome.

- What's this for?

Oh!

This one, Sherlock.

There you go.

NORA:
What is it?

Bluetooth headphones.

- Do you like the black?

- Oh, I love it.

EMILY:
Because I didn't

know if you liked...

This is great.

- They have other colors.

- He said he likes it.

- SIMON:
No, I love it.

- Okay. I have the receipt.

He's good.

Actually, I did want to talk

to you guys about something.

What is it?

Uh, well...

JACK:
Let me guess...

you got somebody pregnant.

No, you're pregnant.

- Yeah. Yeah, I'm pregnant.

- JACK:
(chuckles) I knew it.

He's got that glow about him,

baby.

EMILY:
Honey.

No. Uh...

I'm gay.

Honey.

And I don't want you guys to

think anything different.

I'm still me.

Of course you are.

- Oh, Simon.

- Yeah.

So you're gay?

Which one of your

old girlfriends turned ya?

Was it the one

with the big eyebrow...

- Jack.

- NORA:
Jesus Christ.

Dad, can you ever

shut the hell up?

I'm kidding.

- It's not funny.

- I'm kidding, Nora.

Just open up your gift. Please.

EMILY:
It's okay, honey.

- Nora, I got you this.

- NORA:
Simon.

That's for you.

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