Love, Simon Page #7

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that the sprinklers

don't go off.

That's happened twice before.

Would you believe I'm

considering doubling down

and turning

this whole awkward mess

into a coming out thing?

Do you think I'm crazy?

SIMON:
No, Blue,

I don't think you're crazy.

I think you're crazy brave.

ABBY:
Honestly, Martin used to

annoy the crap out of me.

But he's actually kind of

a cool person.

I've been meaning to ask you

about your parents.

I just didn't wanna say anything

when we were actually

in the restaurant.

I wasn't sure if you

wanted to talk about it.

Yeah. No, I don't mention it

a lot

because it kind of messes

with my image.

What kind of image?

The girl who is excited

to start a new school

senior year.

Girl whose life didn't

just end,

like, three months ago,

who's angry and sad

all the time.

Girl who still believes in love.

Come on.

You still believe in love.

Maybe.

Have you ever been in love?

I think so.

Abby.

Yeah?

I'm gay.

Oh.

You can't tell anyone though.

Nobody really knows,

and I don't really want people

to find out.

I won't. I promise.

Okay.

You surprised?

No.

- So you knew?

- No.

But you're not surprised?

Do you want me

to be surprised?

I don't know.

Okay.

Well, I love you.

So...

Love you, too.

(sighs in relief)

- (turn signal beeping)

- There's no one behind us.

You don't have to put

your blinker on.

- Okay, just being safe.

- Yeah.

SIMON:
Dear Blue, I hope

it goes okay with your dad.

Whatever happens,

you inspired me.

I came out

to my friend tonight.

And I never would have

done that without you.

Maybe we should ride

this bravery train

and reveal our identities.

I'm dying to know who you are.

Love, Jacques.

(cell phone vibrating)

BLUE:
I told my dad.

It was insanely awkward.

But also, kind of fine.

And you got it backwards.

It's you who inspires me.

But I'm sorry,

I'm just not ready for us to

know each other's identities.

Love, Blue.

(hums the Jaws theme)

- Hey! What are you doing?

- (growls) I'm a fry shark!

- Yeah!

- (laughs)

- MARTIN:
That is good.

- ABBY:
You're a good fry shark.

- MARTIN:
Thank you, thank you.

- ABBY:
I like that.

I didn't even know

you were coming near.

MARTIN:
You know

what day it is?

- ABBY:
What day is it?

- MARTIN:
Must be Friday!

BOTH:
Oh!

I guess I'm being loved,

right? Right?

Yeah.

Hey, what do you get

when you get black and Jewish?

- What?

- Bluish.

ABBY:
That's mean.

Simon?

Since when does Abby find

Martin so goddamn funny?

Yeah, it's crazy.

NICK:
You know,

this is stupid.

I'm just gonna tell her

that I like her.

And I've been thinking

the whole

sexual experience thing,

it's not that big of a deal.

And, actually,

I've been practicing, right?

I got this thing online.

It's really cool.

It's called a pocket puss...

Abby likes Martin.

She told me herself.

- (scoffs) But he's Martin.

- I know.

NICK:
Look, I don't care.

- I'm gonna try.

- Hey, wait, wait.

What about Leah?

What about Leah?

SIMON:
Dude.

- Leah's in love with you.

- No, she's not.

Are you kidding me?

I mean, come on.

The way she looks at you

and how she's been all jealous

ever since Abby's been around?

And she blushes every time

you come into the room.

Look, you and Abby...

it's never gonna happen.

But you and Leah...

I mean, you could be

incredible together.

- LEAH:
Hey.

- What's up?

So I have something

to tell you.

Nick just asked me

to get dinner

before the homecoming game.

Okay.

No, like, Si, he was like...

He came up to me

and he's like,

"Do you wanna go get dinner?"

All right, and I was like,

"Sure, are Abby and Simon in?"

And he was like

"I was thinking it could just be

the two of us. Like, a date."

That's amazing.

It is?

Yeah.

Leah, come on.

I know you're into him.

(scoffs)

What?

All that stuff

that you were talking

about the night

after Bram's party,

about, you know,

being so into one person

that it almost kills you.

You were talking about Nick.

Uh...

So you think

I should go out with him?

Yes. Yes.

Okay.

- SIMON:
Yeah?

- LEAH:
Yeah!

SIMON:
I promise you,

you're not gonna regret it.

It's gonna be great!

(all cheering)

Let's pull out

your claws, Grizzlies!

Oh!

(laughs)

Simon, that Almont QB

is insanely hot.

We can talk about stuff

like this now, you know.

Yeah, I still don't know

if I really quite

figured out how.

- Seriously?

- Yeah.

We gotta practice.

All right. Simon.

- Yeah?

- Do you think

that quarterback is lookin'

fine in those hot pants?

He's lookin' pretty fine.

No. No. No.

Fine! Good.

Put your body into it.

Fine! (grunts)

That was really good.

- That was so good.

- Thanks.

Hey, check it out.

It's the Waffle House guy.

SIMON:
Oh, yeah.

Whoa.

- Lyle?

- I don't know. Could be.

- I don't know.

- Do you think he's...

I don't know.

Okay, well,

you should talk to him.

I'm gonna go get a coffee.

Look, you are fine!

(mouthing) You got this.

Hi.

Hey. If it isn't

my favorite waiter.

Ah, there he is.

The guy who sees everything.

- Yeah.

- (chuckles)

Hey, I wouldn't have taken you

for a homecoming guy.

Oh, just here for the coffee.

Of course. Yeah, it's all

about the cappuccinos

and camaraderie for this guy.

- (clears throat)

- (laughs)

I'm glad you're here.

You are?

Yeah.

'Cause I wanted to

ask you something.

I was gonna ask you

the other day

and then I was, like,

too chickenshit.

What's Abby's deal?

I know you and her

hang out a lot.

Are the two of you

like a thing, or...

No.

No, uh, we're just friends.

I could never be just friends

with someone that hot.

Yeah!

Every day is a struggle.

(sighs) I gotta go. I'll see ya.

MASCOT:
Hey! You!

Little birdie told me

you're into bears!

(growls)

(mascot laughs)

Dude! It's me!

(grunts)

I'm the Creekwood bear.

Of course, you are.

Thank you.

Not a compliment.

Hey, um... I figured out

my next move with Abby.

Great, that's good for you,

Martin.

I just wanted to run it by you

real quick.

No, Martin, look.

I've been helping you for weeks

and I am sick and tired

of helping you

mess with my friends' lives.

So why don't you

just do that sh*t

that you did at Waffle House?

That went great.

So you're saying

I should go for it?

It's kind of a big gesture.

Go big or go home!

Right, Martin?

Go big or go home.

I like that.

Thanks for the pep talk, man!

Gotta get amped up.

(grunts) Come on!

(cheerleaders whooping)

(marching band playing

"Bad Romance")

(players yelling)

MR. WORTH:

We're gonna take ya!

(singing to "Bad Romance")

Claw, claw, claw, claw, claw

Claw, claw, claw,

Claw, claw

AARON:
Ethan!

I didn't know

you like football.

He's just here

to check out the packages.

Didn't your mother

ever tell you

not to grab your micropenis

in public?

Could we get some hummus

for that baby carrot?

- (laughs)

- Shut up, man.

- SIMON:
Hey, guys.

- What's up? Hey.

- How was dinner?

- It was good.

Yeah, uh, we got

soup dumplings.

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