Love, Wedding, Marriage Page #4

Natural hoppers,

the both of you.

Let's have a seat.

What I need to know

is how you feel,

right here, right now.

- Winded.

- [Clears throat]

I meant emotionally.

- I feel humiliated.

- Yeah, me too.

Oh, you might want to rethink

that whole hopping ritual.

- I meant by your affair.

And now you won't even

tell the girls about Ian.

I feel like the last 25 years

of our marriage

was nothing but a sham,

built on secrets and deception.

- She's got you there, Bradley.

- Excuse me?

- You had the affair.

She posted the first points.

What's your comeback?

- Are you keeping score?

- It helps me figure out

who's to blame.

- Oh, yeah.

Mmm.

That is a perfectly cooked

steak.

How's your dinner, babe?

- It's cost my arms and legs.

[Laughter]

- Um, it's arm and leg.

[Smooching]

It's an arm and leg.

- An arm?

- An arm and leg.

- And leg.

- It costs an arm and leg.

- It costs an arm and leg.

- How cute is that?

That is cute.

Oh, as I keep explaining

to these officials,

that we had to get married

in a hurry

because her visa's running out.

- You didn't actually say that.

- You told me to be honest.

- Yeah, but I meant tell them

that you're so in love,

you couldn't wait

to get married,

not, "Let's do it

before she gets deported. "

- Well, I can't think

of a better reason

to get married on the fly.

Not like "I'm drunk

and in Vegas"

type deal, right, buddy?

[Soft thud]

Ow!

That was one

of your dumber ideas.

- What was a dumb idea?

- Oh!

Charlie!

[Mumbles indistinctly]

- I'm so sorry, buddy.

- Okay, now a little

to the right.

There you go.

Ooh, bull's-eye.

Whoop.

No lookee.

- Maybe you should go home

and change.

- Charlie, what's with you?

- He's like Edward Scissorhands.

# Clumsy #

You got to live with that.

Now I know

why your first wife left you.

Oh!

- [Speaking Polish]

- Okay.

I'm okay.

I'm okay.

You're okay?

[Speaking Polish]

- First wife?

What... what's he talking about?

- You never told her?

- When do you intend

to tell our daughters?

- I don't.

- Tell them what, Bradley?

- Nothing.

- Oh, for God's sakes.

You're not even gonna tell

our therapist about Ian?

- This is a private matter,

Betty.

He's a stranger.

- This is exactly your problem.

You're afraid of change.

You're afraid of anything new.

Do you know that he's eaten

the same breakfast

every morning

for the last 30 years?

Oatmeal,

without even any fruit on it,

the same bland, boring thing.

- I'm a traditionalist.

- Well, I am sick of it.

And until you are willing

to embrace

the new possibilities

that life is offering you, I...

I can't be with you.

- I'm prescribing

a method of therapy

which I have found

extremely successful.

It's called

"Brush with Death. "

It means time apart,

during which you don't

see each other

or talk to each other.

And no phone calls.

- I'm in.

- I should have said something.

It was annulled, which is almost

like it never happened.

I was drunk in Vegas.

I didn't even know the girl.

It doesn't count

as a real marriage.

- I can't believe you kept this

a secret from me.

- I didn't want

to disappoint you.

- How could you do something

so stupid?

- I was 22.

- That's old enough

to know better.

- Technically that's only

2 times 11.

- In what, guy years?

I don't...

I don't care what you did at 22.

I care that you lied to me now.

- I didn't lie to you.

- By omission.

It's the same thing.

How am I supposed to trust you?

- [Sighs]

- A brush with what?

- Death.

A Brush with Death.

It's ridiculous.

Is that a way

to save a marriage?

- His methods

are a little unorthodox,

but he usually gets

great results.

- Excuse me.

I'm gonna go have

a brush with death.

- You have to help me

with this.

- What can I do?

- I just figured,

with your prior experience,

you would know

all about marriage.

- Jesus, Ava.

You can't punish me

for something I did

years before we even met.

- It hurts knowing

I'm not the only girl

you ever wanted to marry.

It spoils the fairy tale.

- If it makes you feel

any better,

you're the only one

I married sober.

I'm sorry.

You're the one, Ava.

I love you.

What can I do

to make you feel better?

- Help me with my parents.

- Divorce is difficult, Ava,

but my parents are happier

now that they're not together.

- Do you think if my parents

get divorced,

my Dad's gonna want to go home

to an empty house?

- You're just playing dirty now.

- I just need you on my team.

- Okay.

I'm in.

- Ugh.

Worthless trash.

- What did it say?

- "Avoid all team sports. "

- Dr. George was quite specific

when he said "Brush with Death. "

It meant no contact.

- Yeah, but I figured

you and Dad

would probably respond better

to a more traditional method.

- Bradley.

You want to squeeze in a workout

after this?

- Oh, I already got my

squat thrusts in this morning.

- Please, you haven't

thrust anything in years.

- Welcome, everybody,

to Miraculous Marriages.

Freak out the fear!

Now, if I could get everybody

to gather round.

Gather round.

Get over here!

Okay, people, eyes here.

First, let's start

with our affirmation of the day.

Marriage to the max.

Marriage the max.

[Together]

Marriage to the max.

Marriage to the max.

Marriage to the max.

- Everybody.

Marriage to the max.

[Together]

Marriage to the max.

Marriage to the max.

- Wonderful.

Now for our first exercise,

we're going to start

a word association game.

I'm going to say a word,

and everybody is going to say

the first word

that pops

into their little head.

Now, remember,

say everything you feel.

There is no judgment here.

Let's start with you!

Newlywed!

- Commitment.

- Love.

- Wedding!

- Expensive.

- Cheap.

- Love!

- Cooking.

- Grateful.

- Oh, baby.

- Home!

- Sharing.

- Ooh, clothes.

- Husband!

- Hurt.

- Happy.

- Marriage!

- Can I just say

I love this exercise?

I actually use it

in my own practice.

- Stop right there!

One word.

- Disillusionment.

- Disillusionment?

Already?

- Not us.

Them.

- This exercise is about us,

what marriage means to you.

- Enough!

One word.

- Bliss.

"Bliss" is my word.

- Imperfections.

- Imperfections?

Are you talking

about your first wife or me?

- I was talking about me.

- Whatever.

Your word blows.

- This a no-judgment circle,

Ava.

- Next!

[Whistle blowing]

- Oh!

Thanks for catching me.

- I should have let you fall.

- I guess I would have

deserved that, huh?

- Old habits die hard,

I suppose.

- This is all about building

trust with your partner.

- Oh!

Ava.

- Move faster, sir.

Girl in the green sweater,

please don't hold

your wife's hand.

- Go, team us!

Go, team us!

All right, baby.

- Love you.

- I love you.

- Maybe I should go first.

- Would you give me some more

rope, you cheap bastard?

It's not even

your damn rope anyway.

- We have to use the line

sparingly.

I'm not sure how much is left.

- Trust your partner.

Embrace the mountain.

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes