Love, Wedding, Marriage Page #5

- Good job, babe.

- Work together as a team.

Come on, Betty!

Freak out the fear.

Freak out the fear!

- Fear is freaking me out.

- Mom, come on.

You can do it.

- Come on, Betty.

- Bradley, this is too high.

I can't go any further.

- Come on, Betty.

Don't be such a baby.

- Fine.

That's real supportive.

- Betty, your ass

is on my shoulder.

How much more supportive

do you want me to be?

- Then move.

I don't need you.

- Fine!

- [Screaming]

- Mom, I'm coming!

- Ah!

- [Gasps]

- [Grunts]

[Whistle blows]

- Oops.

Well, the good news is,

you only have to wear the brace

overnight.

- Yeah, and the bad news is,

my wife tried to kill me.

- Charlie, come on.

It was an accident.

I got distracted.

- By your parents.

- What am I supposed to do,

just stand back and let them

throw their marriage away?

- They're the ones

getting divorced.

Why are we the ones

suffering for it?

[Cheerful ukulele music]

- Oh, Moses,

another one of Mom's

indecipherable texts.

- Don't tell her we're going

to the florist, please.

- "Getting coffee

on Magazine Street. "

So since Dad

is staying with you,

Shabbat at your place?

- What?

- Shabbat dinner.

It's like Thanksgiving

for Jews.

The whole family gets together

to eat and argue,

but they do it every week.

So is it at your house?

- No, it's not at our house.

- You're a bad Jew.

- Shelby, I'm not Jewish,

and neither are you.

- You better hope God

didn't hear you say that.

- Crap.

Mom found us.

- Hi, babies!

I have exciting news.

- You and Dad

are back together?

- No,

I'm going to Thailand...

and India, China, Japan,

maybe even Tahiti.

- Oh, let's grab this table.

- But Dad hates to fly.

- Oh, I'm not going

with your father.

- And how long will you be gone?

- About six months.

- So I'll have the apartment

all to myself again?

- How could you do this

to Dad?

- It's always been my dream

to travel.

Well, you got to go to France

your junior year of college,

and Shelby had those two months

when she went missing in Mexico.

- Ay de mi.

Tiempos mas buenos.

- Your father's been afraid

to travel,

and this is my chance

to see the world.

- This isn't like you, Mom.

- No?

No, it's not like me at all.

I always do

what everybody else wants.

One day, you'll understand.

- No, I won't, because I would

never give up on my marriage.

- Like Miss Perfect would ever

have marital problems.

- Actually, I just found out

that Mr. Perfect

has been keeping a big secret

from me.

- Is he cheating on you

with his hot assistant?

- Shelby.

- Charlie's not cheating on me.

- How do you know?

Do you monitor his calls,

check his texts?

- No, 'cause I'm not

a psycho.

- Such an amateur.

- Charlie would never cheat.

- That's what I thought

about Dad.

- Men aren't perfect, honey.

They're just men.

- All of them?

- Yes, dear,

all of them.

- Damn.

- Mwah.

Mwah.

Bye, babies.

- Roses or orchids

for the centerpieces?

What do you think?

- I think we should

sincerely contemplate

changing the theme

of this party, Ava.

- Shelby, come on.

I need help.

- Yeah, you do.

Mom's leaving in ten days,

and the party's in two weeks.

What are you gonna tell

people to say?

"Surprise, Bradley.

"We know

you're getting divorced,

"but we wanted to celebrate

the milestone

that you didn't reach anyway"?

- They'll work it out!

- You should seriously

consider therapy.

- I've tried group therapy.

I've even tried that whack job

of a therapist

who told them

not to communicate.

- The Brush with Death.

I heard it's very successful

in the long run.

- But I don't have the long run.

I've got about a week

to fix this.

- You have to fix it, Ava?

- Who else?

- How about your parents?

- Well, they haven't exactly

been very effective

left to their own devices.

- And how has their separation

impacted your relationship

with Charlie?

- Who?

- Your husband.

- Oh, no.

Charlie.

He's fine.

He's great.

Well, actually, I just found out

he deliberately hid from me

the fact that he'd

been married before.

- So discovering

in quick succession

that both your father and your

husband were keeping secrets

doesn't have any great

significance for you?

- Okay.

I know where you're going

with this,

but can we just stick

to the issue at hand?

- Then your husband's previous

marriage is not an issue?

- Not presently.

No.

Can we get back to my parents?

- Did you consider

the possibility

that divorce could actually be

the best thing for your parents?

- [Laughs]

Seriously, though,

what do I do?

- Let go.

Let them work it out

for themselves.

- [Sighs]

By the way, do you lock

your filing cabinets?

[Rumbling]

You hooked up the dryer.

- Bradley did it.

- Oh.

- Not that I don't appreciate

all the help,

but sharing a house

with your dad

isn't exactly how I envisioned

married life.

- This has been hard on me too,

Charlie.

- Well, I miss my wife.

[Rumbling]

- Oh.

Hi.

This a bad time?

- Hi, Dad.

- Bradley.

- Thanks for hooking up

the dryer.

- Oh, it feels good to be handy,

you know.

I know Chuck's busy.

- I would have gotten to it

eventually.

- Yeah, right after you finish

putting up the shelves

in our bedroom?

- [Laughs]

- Excuse me.

I'm gonna take a shower.

- Did you talk to your mom?

I mean, did you tell her

how sorry I am

about the ass thing?

- Um, I didn't get a chance,

actually.

She seems to have made

some travel plans.

- Yeah, but your mother

hates to travel.

- Actually, it's always been

a dream of hers.

- She never mentioned anything.

- Did you ask?

Did you ever ask what she wanted

or if she was happy?

- She never complained.

I just assumed

that everything was fine.

- I don't think this is just

about the affair, Dad.

Do you?

- So where's she going?

- Thailand.

- When?

- In ten days.

- Oh, no.

She's gonna miss

our anniversary.

How long is she going for?

- Um, she didn't say exactly,

but she plans on making

a couple of other stops

along the way.

- How long, Ava?

- Six months.

- Six months.

It's over.

She's really left me

for good.

- Dad, you'll get her back.

You just have to show her

how much you love her

and remind her

how special she is to you.

Can you please try

and cheer my dad up?

Maybe take him out

for a drink or something?

I need to stop my mom

from leaving.

We'll get the two of them

together.

We can talk it through.

- That's a bad idea.

Group therapy sure didn't work.

- [Groans]

I'm running out of options,

Charlie.

Please help me.

You owe me for making me

wife number two.

- Fine.

I'll help you out one last time,

but you got to agree

to never mention that stupid

Vegas wedding again.

- Deal.

[Lively mandolin music]

- Here we go, gentlemen.

- Hey.

Oh, I can't drink this.

- Oh, yeah, you can.

I know the owner.

He's a big-time Jew.

Only serves kosher.

- Oh, thanks, Gerber.

I didn't know

there were Irish Jews.

- Oh, yeah.

- Yeah?

- So this is great.

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