Love & Air Sex Page #7

for coming tonight.

And...

I'm sorry.

Don't worry about it.

Good luck with the lady.

Are you gonna be okay?

Yeah, I'll be fine.

And now...

Booger! That's it.

And now, Saurus Sex.

Oh, yeah.

Uh-huh, uh-huh.

Booger!

Saurus!

Ladies and gentlemen,

I think we got a tie.

It's a f***-off.

Yeah!

All right, all right.

Yeah.

Y'all know the rules.

In a f***-off,

there are no rules,

except, no touching.

Keep the sex in the air,

not the genitals!

Music, please.

Yeah!

Oh, sh*t!

What are you doing?

No touching.

It's a violation! Break

it up. Break it up.

Hi, Stan.

Wow, um...

I haven't said those

words in months.

Um...

I was just calling,

because, um...

Because, um...

I'm sorry, I'm...

I'm so sorry.

I'm, I'm being an idiot.

Okay, um...

Thank you for dinner.

Absolutely.

Okay.

Well, have

a good night.

You, too.

Mmm... Wait.

Oh, one second.

Are you kidding me?

Oh, it's Cathy.

Are you kidding me?

Hey, girl, what's up?

I ruined the date.

I... I ruined it!

I just, just...

Obliterated it!

I dropped

the toast and I started crying.

And he took me to Justine's.

Justine's of all places!

Oh, my God, he took

you to Justine's.

He must've really

wanted to f*** you.

Who cares who wants

to f*** Cathy?

Cathy, I'm leaking into my pants

right now. Put a cork in it, a**hole.

Wait, is that Jeff?

What's going on?

Are you guys

back together? Maybe.

Oh, my God.

He's calling me.

Who, Tim?

No, no, it's Stan.

Stan's calling you?

Oh, that f***ing loser.

Oh, sh*t.

Not now, dude.

Look, you're right, I'm

sorry. I bailed on you tonight.

I bailed on you the last six

months. I don't care if you do

slam poetry,

I don't care if you air sex.

Awesome, awesome.

Great, dude, I'm stoked.

Listen, I need a favor.

What?

I need you to apologize to

Cathy, tell her you love her.

Make up with her, move back to

Austin and have little Stanleys.

I don't care, but you gotta get her

off the phone with my girlfriend,

because she's blocking me from

getting the p*ssy that I deserve.

Deserve?

Shut up.

F*** you!

Shut up!

Wait, she's on the phone

with Kara, right now?

Wait, who's Jeff talking to?

Who do you think?

You know, just talk

to each other.

Guys, talk. Use your words, please, go.

Okay, seriously?

Look, you guys either

belong together or you don't,

but this wishy-washy-in-between

sh*t has gotta go.

Actually, Stan, I know

what you should do. Listen,

there's edible underwear in the

medicine cabinet at Redge's house.

The red ones taste terrible, but

the other... How do you know that?

Because, we were stoned

and we had no food

Just shut up, shut up.

Or...

Forgive each other for

ruining a great relationship

and move on.

Either way we love you.

Stan, for bailing on me because

I was incredible on stage tonight.

Oh, I f***ing destroyed

you! Everybody knows that...

It's not that kind

of cab, guys.

Hi.

Hey.

Look out.

Are you okay?

Is my penis, really,

really that small?

Honestly?

I love it.

And what about

my cavern?

It's like

a little child's.

Better not know what that

f***ing feels like, you pedo.

I was complimenting

your vagina.

I said a nice thing.

You hit me in the

f***ing ear with a chip.

Hey.

Good to see you, Cathy.

Oh.

Bye, Jeff.

Ah, you called a cab? Just give

me two minutes, I can take you.

No, no, I, uh,

heard you, um...

Using the microwave

this morning.

And I didn't wanna bug.

So, did you guys talk?

Um, no.

Nope, we did not.

Then why are you smiling?

We did not talk at all.

Oh!

F***, yes!

Mmm.

What?

Oh!

Oh, sh*t!

I'm so sore.

Oh, that's my girl.

I'm so sore.

Yeah.

You called a cab?

Yeah, I didn't know

if I was gonna see you.

Oh, don't. It's no problem.

I'm actually very surprised

to see you in pants this early.

Pants.

Did you call her?

No.

No?

Why are you glowing?

What?

Why are you so happy?

Why are you happy? What

happened last night, huh?

Did you call that new girl?

Did you have sex

with that new girl?

Did you f*** that new

girl? Oh, we made love

and it was so sweet.

Dude, she's such a good

cuddler. What are you doing?

We talked for hours. Get off

me! You're not doing it right.

That's not the way you do

that. Get rid of the cab,

I'm driving you to the

airport, Jesus Christ!

Hey, listen man, can I just

give you ten bucks?

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