Love & Air Sex Page #6

f***ed up friendships?

You know, and another... If this is

all, like weird for you, it makes...

You know, you don't approve

of this, you can ignore me.

'Cause you're f***ing

awesome at it.

Take the booty call, Stan.

Kara?

What... What is this?

What are you doing here?

Go to the show, Stan.

Where's Cathy?

She's out.

What do you mean?

Like with somebody?

She's moving on, Stan.

All right? You should go

and do the same thing.

But...

Oh, sh*t.

Okay.

I know this.

512...

7...

F***!

So...

Gonna have to unbutton

my shirt, doctor.

Oh, no.

All right, there you,

there you go.

Oh!

May I?

You're the doctor.

Very nice.

Hmm.

Very nice.

You know, I have

a pretty good one myself.

You're damn well gonna

show it to me.

Now, I'm gonna have to

lift up my skirt.

No.

Yeah.

Don't you dare.

Don't you...

Lift up...

Okay, okay.

That is...

A beauty.

That's...

Yeah.

Softball.

Hmm.

Junior year.

I bumped into the ball

machine while it was spinning

and...

Damn, girl! Hmm.

Yeah.

Um...

Uh, looks like it healed

up pretty good, though.

Yeah!

Now.

Who's next?

Let's see who's next here.

We got...

Fuckasaurus Sex!

Welcome back,

young man. Welcome back.

You got anything to say

before you get started, Sex?

I do, yeah. Uh, this one is also

dedicated to my ex-girlfriend,

uh, Kara, who's a b*tch.

And this is about f***ing her

p*ssy, or as I like to call it,

"Visiting Carlsbad camp. "

Ho! Let's go!

Hello!

Biggest p*ssy

in the world!

Paintings on the wall.

How deep is it in there?

I'm in a horrible place!

Are you?

Oh, sh*t.

Are you gonna go up? Uh, no,

I'm just making a phone call.

Can you make it outside so

that we could... Yeah, yeah.

Thanks.

Justine's?

Yeah, have you been

here before?

Uh, yeah.

Uh, a long time ago.

It's pretty great,

isn't it?

Yeah.

Oh,

I know I've been a menace

Oh, I know I've been

a trial

And you've washed

your hands of love

But I made a Bible promise

Cross my heart

and hope to die

Till all is blue

I'll be here waiting, honey

What will it be, stumbles?

Uh, just a water.

All right.

So come on

Answer

Why don't you answer?

Answer

There's a summer on

And it's pulling up

the wallpaper

With its wicked drone

And I could sit here with

With just a sliver

of your taffeta

But that is not enough

Oh

I'm screaming

at your door

So come on

Answer

Why don't you answer?

Answer

Oh, my love

I will forever, oh

So little

Withholder

Why don't you answer?

Answer

Thank you.

This,

you don't wanna know what this stuff

is made out of, I assure you, but...

You know, can you actually

give me one quick second?

Of course.

Okay.

Oh, you were f***ing

incredible!

Like, I don't even know

how to put it into words.

I would need so many

different adjectives.

I would need a whole new

combo adjective.

Like you're

fantasi-spectacul-awesome?

That comes close. That

was good.

Well, it's very nice

of you to say that.

Oh, yeah, of course. I don't wanna

lose my good Samaritan status.

Very sweet of you.

Hey, do you wanna smoke?

Oh, uh, no, no,

I'm fine.

Okay.

But go ahead.

Yeah? Yeah, yeah. No, I like the smell.

I'll be your look out.

Thank you.

I think everyone else

on this street is stoned,

so you're in good company.

Sorry.

Go ahead, take it.

Oh, no, no.

That's okay.

You sure?

Yeah.

Okay.

Actually, you know, is

there any left? Yeah.

Yeah, thanks.

Go ahead.

I'll be your look out.

Oh.

Whoa! Man, slow down,

funky town. You okay?

Good, I'm good.

Hugh G. Rection, that's enough,

thank you very, very much.

Whoa!

Man down.

Man down.

That was a very admirable

effort, ladies and gentlemen.

But perhaps we learned that

being intoxicated isn't enough.

You've also gotta

have a story.

Don't come up on this stage

without a story, folks.

That's what we

wanna see, all right?

Who's up next?

Who's up next?

Let me see.

Oh, oh, dirty lady,

you can't come up here.

Get the f*** off

the stage, you bag lady!

Sh*t, really?

Ooh, this is highly

unusual, but...

F*** it. I make the rules

as we go anyway.

And this is too good

to pass up.

We got another

performer, folks!

You didn't f***ing

qualify, b*tch! Get down.

Ladies and gentlemen,

I give to you,

the one and hopefully only,

"Jeff Brown eats his own

boogers and I should know

"because I used to live

with the f***ing loser. "

You got anything

to say up top?

Yeah. My real name

is Kara Jenkins.

And uh, this is my interpretation of

what's it like to have sex with a penis

the size of a toothpick.

This is gonna be

exciting, folks.

Hit it!

Oh, no, ma'am.

What?

So then, you've,

so you've performed...

Well, in a living room,

I did, yeah. Oh, gosh.

That's terrifying.

Are you sure you're okay? Great, yeah.

Um...

So are you, uh...

Like, on a label?

No, not yet.

Wait, that's dumb,

you know.

I don't know, you just

seem so, you're so good.

Thank you.

Well, I've come close

a few times and...

Recently, a few very

influential nerds on the internet

have written about me, so...

Wow, do you have a pretty big

internet footprint, would you say?

Um... What if I googled you right now?

What would I find?

I don't know.

What was the song

that you, um...

Oh, I haven't

put that one.

I haven't put that up yet.

Sh*t!

What's up?

Is that pretty strong?

Uh, stuff that we...

That we smoked? Um...

Not really.

I'm spinning.

You're spinning?

Yep.

I think we should

probably lie down.

Oh, okay.

Here we go.

Um...

No, that's okay.

That's... that's okay.

I'm, um...

Oh, God.

No, no.

Oh!

Ah, sh*t. Why did I

smoke? I never smoke.

I don't know, why did you?

You looked so cool

doing it, and...

I'm an idiot, I think.

It's okay.

You are also very

cute. Yeah, so are you.

You know,

I'm still spinning.

So, I can't even...

Don't, don't.

There's like three of you.

Just talk about normal stuff. Okay.

Yeah, I'm normal.

So, what about you? What is

your thing, what do you do?

Uh, writing...

Sitcom.

Really?

Where can I see it?

No, you can't.

It's, uh...

Too weird, but still

trying and I'm doing

a restaurant job in LA

like everybody else there.

LA, huh?

Mr. 213, it all makes sense now. Yeah.

What part of town

do you live in?

Glendale.

I live in Los Feliz.

The eastsiders.

Yes.

Anything west to the 101 sort

of makes me wanna kill myself.

Okay, yeah, laughing hurts

actually, that's... Oh, no.

Well, if we can't laugh

and you can't look at me,

what else do we have

to do here?

Oh, sh*t. Haley,

I have to, uh...

Tell you about

something, um...

Your phone?

There's a voicemail on

here from my ex-girlfriend.

And I don't know

what it says.

Maybe she wants to get back together

or maybe she's telling me to f*** off.

Because, I, um...

I came here

on a day's notice,

'cause I found out that

she was coming.

But then I met you, and...

It has been

awesome, but I just, just, if

I don't listen to it, I'm...

You should listen to it.

Thank you

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