Love Actually Page #5

[Imitating Knife Slicing]

Yes, uh, s, crime.

Crime. Uh, murder, you know.

Uh, scary?

Uh, yes, sometimes scary.

And, uh, sometimes not.

Mainly scary

how bad the writing is.

Ah.

Uh, sure, sure.

It's my favorite time of day...

driving you.

Oh.

[Woman On Radio]

And coming up later

this morning, it's this guy.

Do not switch off.

[TVShuts Off]

Banoffee pie?

No, thanks.

Thank God.

You would have broken my heart

if you'd said yes.

Oh, right. Well, lucky you.

Can I come in?

Uh, yeah, well,

I'm a bit busy, but...

Well, I was just passing and I thought

we might check that video thing out.

I thought I might be able to swap it

for some pie or maybe Munchies?

Actually, I was being serious.

I don't know where it is.

I'll have a poke around tonight...

Mark, can I say something?

Yeah.

I know you're Peter's best friend.

And...

I know you've never

particularly warmed to me.

Look, don't... don't argue.

We've never got friendly, but I just

wanted to say I hope that can change.

I'm nice. I really am,

apart from my terrible taste in pie.

And...

it would be great

if we could be friends.

Absolutely. Absolutely.

Great.

Doesn't mean we'll be able

to find the video, though.

I had a real search when you first called

and couldn't find any trace of it, so...

Well, there's one here that says

"Peter and Juliet's wedding."

Do you think we might

be on the right track?

Oh, yeah, well...

Wow. That... That could be it.

- Do you mind if I just...

- I've probably taped over it.

Almost everything has episodes

of West Wing on it now.

Oh.

Oh, bingo.

That's lovely.

[Laughs]

Well done, you.

Oh, that's gorgeous.

Thank you so much, Mark.

This is exactly what I was hoping for.

I look quite pretty.

You've stayed rather close,

haven't you?

They're all of me.

[Mark]

Yeah. Yeah.

Yes.

But...

you never talk to me.

You always talk to Peter.

You don't like me.

I hope it's useful.

Don't show it around too much.

It needs a bit of editing.

Look, I've gotta get to a lunch.

Early lunch.

You can just show yourself out,

can't you?

It's a... self-preservation thing,

you see.

[Knocking]

Yeah.

Annie, my darling,

my dream, my boat.

Uh, need you to do a favor for me.

Of course.

Anything for the hero of the hour.

Don't ask me why,

and for heaven's sake,

don't read stuff into this.

It's just a weird personality thing.

But, um, you know Natalie

who works here?

- The chubby girl?

- Oooh, would we call her chubby?

I think there's a pretty

sizable arse there, yes, sir.

Huge thighs.

Yeah. Well, whatever. Um...

I'm sure she's a lovely girl,

but I wonder if you could, um,

redistribute her.

It's done.

Hey, Sammo. Can't sleep?

I got some terrible news today.

Let's have it.

Joanna's going back to America.

- Your girl's American?

- Yes, she's American.

And she's not my girl.

And she's going back to America.

That's the end of my life as I know it.

That is bad news.

Well, we need Kate

and we need Leo,

and we need them now.

Come on.

Hold on. Hold on.

Keep your eyes closed.

[Chuckles]

Do you trust me?

I trust you.

Do you trust me?

I trust you.

Fool!

Get off, you big bully.

All right. Open your eyes.

Well, you know, Sammy, I'm sure

she's unique and extraordinary, but...

general wisdom is that, in the end,

there isn't just one person for each of us.

There was for Kate and Leo.

There was for you.

And there is for me.

She's the one.

Fair enough.

And her name's Joanna?

Yeah, I know. Same as Mum.

[Knocking]

Yeah.

Prime Minister.

Thank you very much.

Oh, appolo... apologia.

"Grandi..." Uh, grande familio.

Grande "predistione..."

The Christmas presents.

Stupido.

Well, good-bye.

Um, it was, um...

[Horn Honking]

[Crash]

# You know, I love Christmas #

# My mind's made up #

# There's no beginning

There'll be no end #

# You can depend #

Daniel!

- I have a plan.

- Thank the Lord! Tell me.

Well, girls love musicians,

don't they?

Uh-huh.

Even the really weird ones

get girlfriends.

That's right.

Meat Loaf definitely

got laid at least once.

For God's sake,

Ringo Starr married a Bond girl.

Whatever. There's this

big concert at the end

of term, and Joanna's in it.

And I thought maybe

if I was in the band

and played absolutely superbly...

there's a chance that she might

actually fall in love with me.

- What do you think?

- I think it's brilliant.

I think it's stellar,

apart from the one obvious,

tiny, little-baby, little hiccup.

- That I don't play a musical instrument?

- Yes, sir.

A tiny, insignificant detail.

[Drum Continually Banging]

Anyway, I suppose I'd better go

and do the duty round.

You're a saint.

[Chuckles]

Any chance of a dance with the boss?

Yeah, sure, sure.

As long as your boyfriend

doesn't mind.

Not my boyfriend.

You're looking very pretty tonight.

It's for you.

Sorry?

[Whispering]

It's all for you, sir.

This must be a very exciting

moment for you, fighting for

the Christmas number one.

How's it looking so far?

Very bad indeed.

Blue are outselling me five to one,

but I'm hoping for a late surge.

And if I reach number one,

I promise to sing a song...

stark naked on TV

on Christmas Eve.

[Audience Laughing]

- Do you mean that?

- Well, of course I mean it, Michael.

- Do you want a preview, you old flirt?

- [Laughing]

That'll never make number one.

[No Audible Dialogue]

I suppose it's his job to dance

with everyone, isn't it?

Some more than others.

Just one dance...

before we run out of chances.

Who, me?

Unless you, you just...

No, no.

Good. Yes.

Thanks.

Well, I... I'd better go.

Okay.

Good night.

Good night.

Actually, I don't have to go.

Right. Good.

I-I mean...

No, no.

That's... That's good.

That's good.

Just, um... Would you

ex-excuse me for one second?

Sure.

Just one... one second.

Um, okay. That's done.

Um...

[Nervous Laugh]

Why don't you come upstairs

in about 10 seconds?

Ten seconds?

Ten seconds.

#[Guitar, Slow]

#For you #

# There'll be no crying #

# For you #

# The sun will be shining #

# 'Cause I feel that

when I'm with you #

# It's all right #

Just tug it.

Okay.

# I know it's right #

# And the songbirds keep singing #

# Like they know the score #

# And I love you

I love you, I love you #

You're beautiful.

# Like never before #

[Cell Phone Ringing]

I... I'd... I'd better

answer that.

Hello?

Hi. Hello, darling.

No, no, I'm not busy.

No, fire away.

Right.

Yes, I... I... I...

I'm not quite sure...

it's gonna be possible

to get the Pope

on the phone tonight, but...

Yes. Yes, I-I'm... I'm sure...

he's-he's very good

at exorcism, but...

Well, I'm-I'm sure...

Jon Bon Jovi is as well,

and I'll definitely look into it.

Okay? Okay,

I'll-I'll talk to you later.

All right. Bye-bye.

Sorry about that.

No, it's... it's fine.

It's my brother.

He's... He's not well.

He calls a lot.

I'm sorry.

No, it's fine.

It's fine. I mean,

it's-it's not really... fine.

Rate this script:4.0 / 4 votes