Love Actually Page #4

that isn't bright turquoise.

Okay, I'll have a look, but to be honest,

I'm pretty sure I wiped it.

So don't get any hopes up.

Must go.

[Line Disconnects]

Any progress

with our matchmaking plans?

No. I've done f*** all and never will

because he's too good for me.

How true.

Ouch.

Stop.

[Ringing]

And, of course, your mobile goes.

Hello, hi. How are you doing?

So, how's

the Christmas party going?

Good. I think I've found a venue.

Friend of mine works there.

- What's it like?

- Good, good.

It's an art gallery.

Full of dark corners

for doing dark deeds.

[Chuckles]

Right. Good.

Well, I suppose I should

take a look at it or something.

You should.

[Typewriter Keys Clacking]

[Bell Jingling]

Ah, bonjour, Eleonore.

Bonjour, Monsieur Bennett.

Welcome back.

And this year you bring a lady guest?

Uh, no, there's a change of situation.

It's just me.

Oh. Am I sad or not sad?

Well, I think you're not surprised.

And you stay here till Christmas?

Yeah, yeah.

Good.

Well, I find you a perfect lady

to clean the house.

This is Aurelia.

Ah.

Uh, bonjour, Aurelia.

Bonjour.

[Speaking Broken French]

Uh, unfortunately she cannot

speak French, just like you.

- She's Portuguese.

- Ah, ah.

Bon giorno. Eusebio.

Uh, uh, molto bueno.

I think she's ten years too young

to remember there was a footballer

called Eusebio.

And the "molto bueno" is Spanish.

Right, right. Uh, well, anyways,

it's nice to meet you. And...

Perhaps you can drive her home

at the end of her work.

Oh, absolutely.

"Con grande, uh, presoro."

Which is what? Turkish?

Bello.

Uh, bella.

Uh, montagna. "Arvarez."

No, right.

Silence is golden.

As the Tremeloes said.

Clever guys.

Although I think the original

version was by, uh, Frankie Valli

and the Four Seasons.

Great... Great... Great band.

# [Humming]

Oh, shut up.

[Reporters Clamoring]

Mr. President, welcome.

It's a pleasure to meet you.

Come on through.

I'm sorry your wife

couldn't make it, by the way.

Oh, so is she.

Although she would have been

kind of lonely, I'm sure.

Yes. Pathetic, isn't it?

Just, uh, never been able

to tie a girl down.

I'm not sure that politics

and dating really go together.

Really?

I've never found that.

Well, difference is you're still

sickeningly handsome, whereas I look

increasingly like my Aunt Mildred.

I'm very jealous of your plane,

by the way.

Thank you.

We love that thing, I'll tell you.

Ah, Natalie. Hi.

Morning, ma'am.

How's your day so far?

[Chuckles]

Excellent.

[Sighs]

My goodness, that's a pretty little

son of a b*tch right there.

Did you see those pipes?

Yeah, yeah.

Oh, she's terrific... at her job.

No, absolutely not.

We cannot and will not

consult on that either.

- That is unexpected.

- Well, it shouldn't be.

The last administration

made it perfectly clear.

We're just being consistent

with their policies.

Well, with all respect, sir,

they were bad policies.

Right, thanks, Alex.

I don't think we're making progress here.

Let's, um, move on, shall we?

Well, now, that was,

uh, an interesting day.

Sorry if our line was firm,

but there's no point in tiptoeing

around today...

and then just disappointing you

for four years.

I mean, I have plans

and I plan to see them through.

Absolutely.

Now, there is one final thing

I think we should look at.

It's very close to my heart.

If you just give me a second.

I'll give you anything you ask for,

as long as it's not something

I don't wanna give.

Hi.

Pathetic!

It's great scotch.

[Natalie]

I'll, um...

I'll be going then.

Uh, Natalie.

I hope to see much more of you

as our two great countries

work toward a better future.

Thank you, sir.

[Camera Shutters Clicking]

Uh, yes, Peter.

Mr. President, uh,

has it been a good visit?

Very satisfactory indeed.

We, uh, got what we came for,

and our special relationship

is still very special.

And Prime Minister?

I love that word "relationship."

Covers all manner of sins, doesn't it?

I fear that this has become

a bad relationship.

A relationship based on the president

taking exactly what he wants...

and casually ignoring all those things...

that really matter to, um,

Britain.

We may be a small country,

but we're a great one too.

The country of Shakespeare,

Churchill, the Beatles,

Sean Connery, Harry Potter,

[Chuckling]

David Beckham's right foot.

David Beckham's left foot,

come to that.

And a friend who bullies us...

is no longer a friend.

And since bullies

only respond to strength,

from now onward I will be prepared

to be much stronger.

And the president

should be prepared for that.

[Reporters Clamoring]

Mr. President. Mr. President.

Joe.

It's your sister on line four.

All right.

Uh, yes, I'm very busy and important.

How can I help you?

Have you gone completely insane?

Well, you can't be sensible

all the time.

You can if you're prime minister.

- Oh, dear, it's the Chancellor

of the Exchequer on the other line.

- No, it isn't.

I'll call you back.

No, you won't. You're...

The trouble with being

the prime minister's sister is it does put

your life into rather harsh perspective.

What did my brother do today?

He stood up and fought for his country.

And what did I do?

What is this we're listening to?

Joni Mitchell.

I can't believe you still listen

toJoni Mitchell.

I love her,

and true love lasts a lifetime.

Joni Mitchell is the woman

who taught your cold English wife

how to feel.

Did she? Oh, well, that's good.

I must write to her sometime

and say thanks.

Now, which doll shall

we give Daisy's little friend Emily?

The one that looks like a transvestite

or the one that looks like a dominatrix?

[Woman Over Radio]

It's almost enough

to make you feel patriotic.

So here's one for our arse-kicking

prime minister. I think he'll enjoy this.

A golden oldie for a golden oldie.

Can we move theJapanese ambassador

to 4:
00 tomorrow?

- Certainly, sir.

- Terrific. Thanks so much.

Um, would you like the last, uh...

No?

That's all right. More for me.

I'm very lucky. I've got one of those

constitutions where I never put on weight.

[Phone Ringing]

Oh.

Hello?

[Ringing Continues]

Oop. Sorry.

Hello?

Thank you.

Ah, no!

- [Speaking Portuguese]

- Oh, no. Oh, no.

Oh, God, it's half the book.

Oh, no. Just...Just leave them.!

Please.! They're not important.!

They're not worth it.!

Uh, stop.

Stop.

[Shudders]

It's all just rubbish!

Just leave it.

- Oh, God, she's in.

- [Gasps]

Right, and now she'll think

I'm a total spaz if I don't go in too.

F***! It's freezing! F***!

It's not worth it, you know.

This isn't bloody Shakespeare.

Just stop, stop.

I really must do copies.

You know, there'd better not be eels

in here. I can't stand eels.

Oh, God! What the hell is that?

[Panting, Chuckles]

[Chuckles]

Thank you.

Thank you so much.

I know. I'll name one

of the characters after you.

Or, um...

[Laughing]

Or, um, uh, romance?

Ah-ah! Ah, yes, it's, um, uh...

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