Love Actually Page #3

Thank you.

Uh, well, you know.

And ditto.

Thank you.

- And the move again, please, Judy.

- Oh.

Oh, God, I'm sorry.

Are you all right?

Yeah, fine.

Exciting news.

What?

I've bought a ticket to the States.

I'm off in three weeks.

No!

Yes! To a fantastic place

called Wisconsin.

No!

Yes! Wisconsin babes.

[Honking Horn]

Here comes Sir Colin!

No, Col.

There are a few babes

in America, I grant you,

but they're already going out

with rich, attractive guys.

Now, Tone, you're just jealous.

You know perfectly well

that any bar anywhere in America...

contains ten girls more beautiful...

and more likely to have sex with me

than the whole of the United Kingdom.

That is total bollocks.

You've actually gone mad now.

No, I'm wise.

Stateside, I am Prince William

without the weird family.

No, Colin, no!

Yes!

Nyet.!

Da.!

Nein.!

Ja, darling.

Right, the Christmas party.

Not my favorite night of the year...

and your unhappy job to organize.

Tell me.

Well, it's basic, really.

Find a venue, over order on the drinks,

bulk buy the guacamole...

and advise the girls to avoid Kevin

if they want their breasts un-fondled.

Wives and family and stuff?

Yes. I mean, not children,

but their wives and girlfriends,

et cetera.

Oh, Christ, you haven't got

some horrible six-foot,

tight-T-shirt-wearing boyfriend

you'll be bringing, have you?

No.

I'll just be hanging around

the mistletoe... hoping to be kissed.

Really?

Right.

He now spends

all the time in his room.

I mean, he'll be up there now.

There's nothing unusual about that.

My horrid son...

Bernard?

Bernard stays in his room all the time.

Thank goodness.

Yeah, but, Karen,

this is all the time.

I'm afraid that there's

something really wrong, you know?

I mean, clearly it's about his mum,

but Christ, he...

he might be injecting heroin

into his eyeballs for all I know.

At the age of 11?

Well, maybe not his eyeballs, then.

Maybejust his veins.

You see, the problem is, it was his mum

who always used to talk to him,

you know and...

I don't know,

the whole stepfather thing...

seems suddenly to somehow

matter like it never did before.

Listen, it was always going to be

a totally sh*t time.

Just be patient.

And maybe check the room for needles.

And then when

he sometimes does come out,

it's obvious he's been crying.

[Sobs]

It's just such a ridiculous waste.

And then if it's going

to ruin Sam's life as well...

I just don't know.

Get a grip.

People hate sissies.

No one's ever gonna shag you

if you cry all the time.

Yeah, absolutely.

Helpful.

So,

what's the problem, Samuel?

Is it just Mum,

or is it something else, huh?

Maybe... school?

Are you being bullied?

Or is it something worse?

Can you give me any clues at all?

You really want to know?

I really want to know.

Even though you won't

be able to do anything to help?

Even if that's the case, yeah.

Okay. Well,

the truth is,

actually, I'm in love.

Sorry?

I know I should be thinking

about Mum all the time, and I am,

but the truth is I'm in love,

and I was before she died, and

there's nothing I can do about it.

Aren't you a bit young to be in love?

No.

Oh, well, okay, right.

Well, I mean, I'm a little relieved.

Why?

Well, because I thought

it would be something worse.

Worse than the total agony

of being in love?

Um...

No, you're right.

Yeah, total agony.

- Night, Sarah.

- Night, Karl.

[Door Opening]

[Cell Phone Ringing]

Yeah? Absolutely.

Free as a bird. Fire away.

Alone again.

Naturally.

I'll deal with it in the morning.

Right.

Ah, Natalie.

Sir.

Thanks.

Natalie.

Um, I'm starting to feel...

uncomfortable about us working

in such close proximity every day...

and me knowing so little about you.

It seems, uh...

It seems elitist and wrong.

Well, there's not much to know.

Well, um, where do you live,

for instance?

Wandsworth. The dodgy end.

Ah, my sister lives in Wandsworth.

Oh.

Yeah.

So which exactly is the "dodgy end"?

Right at the end of the high street.

Harris Street. Near the Queen's Head.

- Oh, yeah, yeah, that is dodgy.

- [Chuckles]

Um, and, uh, you live

with your husband... uh, boyfriend...

three illegitimate

but charming children?

No, I've, um, just split up

with my boyfriend actually,

so I'm back

with my mum and dad for a while.

Ah. Sorry.

No, it's fine.

I'm well shot of him.

- He said I was getting fat.

- I beg your pardon?

He said no one's gonna fancy a girl

with thighs the size ofbig tree trunks.

Not a nice guy, actually,

in the end.

Ah.

You know, um,

being prime minister,

I could just have him murdered.

[Chuckles]

Thank you, sir.

I'll think about it.

Do. The S.A.S.

Are absolutely charming.

Ruthless trained killers

are just a phone call away.

Oh, God.

You have this kind of problem?

Yeah, course you did,

you saucy minx.

So, let's go.

We can definitely crack this.

Remember, I was a kid once too.

So come on.

It's someone at school.

Right?

Yeah.

Uh-huh, good, good.

And what does she...

he... feel about you?

She doesn't even know my name.

And even if she did,

she'd despise me.

She's the coolest girl in school,

and everyone worships her

because she's heaven.

Good. Good.

Well,

basically you're f***ed, aren't you?

Hi there, and welcome back.

So, Billy, three weeks till Christmas.

Looks like the real competition

is gonna be Blue.

Yeah. I saw them

on the show last week.

They weren't very nice about my record.

No, little scamps.

But very, very talented musicians.

Yeah. Uh, Billy,

I understand you've got a prize

for our competition winners.

Yes, I have, Ant or Dec.

It's a personalized felt-tip pen.

Oh, great.

It's brilliant.

It even writes on glass.

So if you've got a framed

picture like, for instance,

this one of Blue,

you can just write on it.

- [Dec] Uh, a lot ofkids watching, Billy.

- [Billy] Oh, yeah.

Hiya, kids.

Here's an important message

from your Uncle Bill.

Don't buy drugs.

Become a pop star,

and they give you them for free.

And I do believe, uh,

it's a commercial break, thank goodness.

We'll see you soon. Bye-bye.

Oh, look at him. Eew!

Just a minute.

Actually, they're not funny.

They're art.

[Laughing]

Okay, let's say, uh, Thursday,

my place?

[Peter] Great.

But for now, I've gotJuliet on the other line.

Can I patch you through?

She wants to ask you a favor.

Okay, fine.

Thanks and, uh, be nice.

I'm... I'm always nice.

You know what I mean, Marky.

Be friendly.

I'm always...

[Juliet]

Mark?

Hi. How was the honeymoon?

Oh, it was great.

And thanks for the gorgeous send-off.

So, what can I do for you?

It's only a tiny favor.

I've just tried the wedding video

and it's a complete disaster.

It's come out all blue and wibbly.

Oh, I'm sorry.

And I remember you filming a lot

in the day, and I just wondered

if I could look at your stuff.

Oh, no. Look, to be honest,

I didn't really, you know...

Please?

All I want is just one shot of me

in a wedding dress

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