Love and a .45 Page #4

of the law.

That means I can get away

with murder.

Course you being on

the wrong side...

that puts you in rather

a bad pinch, don't it?

I can smell that job

all over you, Watts.

Like a six-day-old

pair of underwear.

I didn't do sh*t, man.

I'm sorry.

F*** you, you son-of-a-b*tch!

I'll f***in' take your life.

I swear to God.

I'll kill you.

Goddamn you, son-of-a-b*tch.

Get this f***in' b*tch

off of me!

I'll f***in' kill you!

I swear to God I will!

Simp, shoot this piece of sh*t.

Oh f***.

It's beautiful.

It's so f***in' pretty.

We were heading to San Antone

to say good-bye to Star's parents

and I just couldn't get the

image of Clarence out of my head.

Billy had been right;

Once you smell someone frying...

you can't ever

think clearly again.

Before all this happened,

I'd entertained notions of moving

out of Texas with Star as my wife

and tryin' to make

a straight go of it.

I'd begun to feel that luck

was an unrenewable resource

and my days as a felon

were numbered.

If we made it across

the border...

I would definitely

entertain the notion

of taking up auto mechanics.

Which is the only other thing

I know how to do.

I didn't feel much

for the cops that we killed.

They would have done

the same thing to us,

and walked away smiling.

Hello?

Hello. Mrs. Cheatham.

- Yes.

- Hi. This is Woody...

...Woodpeck.

I'm a friend of your daughter.

Starlene?

You're a friend of Starlene's?

We haven't heard from her

in along while.

Hello? Hello?

Are you there?

Hello?

Turn that down a bit,

please Star.

There's something

I wanta ask you, Star.

Well ask it.

I just don't know

what the future will hold...

and if I should ever end up

face down in a narrow grave

I just don't know

what you'd do.

Yeah?

There's somethin'

I just need to know.

There's somethin'

I just gotta ask you.

Yeah?

Starlene, you know I love you, baby.

I'd go to hell and back

just to see you smile.

And I know you'd do the same for me.

The killers of the two

Texas Rangers have been identified

as Watty Watts

and Starlene Cheatham.

They're descried as a Caucasian

male and female...

in their early twenties...

and are suspected to be driving

a blue 1972 Plymouth Roadrunner.

If you have any information

related to this insidious,

senseless and violent crime,

please call 1-8OO-FOR-CRIME.

Now back to the hits that made

America great.

Starlene...

Yeah?

Will you marry me?

Wattford Reynold Watts,

I sure as hell will marry you

right here and now.

Goddamn! All right!

I can't believe it.

Hey, hey, hey...

Look at what I got you,

sweetheart.

Oh, my God.

Oh my...

Oh my God.

You got me a ring!

- It's for me?

- Uh-huh.

It's so beautiful.

Would you look at that?

It looks like real diamonds

and everything.

Well they are. I drove clear

over to Tyler to get 'em.

Baby, how did you ever afford

to buy this for me?

I've been saving up.

Well... are we ready to begin

with the ceremony?

We are your honor.

Okay, kids, here we go.

Now, do you, ah...

Wattford Reynold Watts.

Wattford Reynold Watts...

take this woman...

to be your lawful wedded wife?

I do.

And do you, ah...

Watty and Starlene.

Crazed killers with drop-dead

good looks...

murders, movie stars or both.

Next on Crime Spree.

Um, I'm awfully sorry to be

pointing this here gun at you,

Justice Thurman, sir, but...

it looks like we're wanted

and I wanta marry this girl

right here and now.

Looks like it's gonna be

a shotgun wedding, hon.

And what if I say no?

Then I probably have

to shoot you dead.

So, where were we

in the ceremony?

Well, I just said "I do."

Right. So, do you, um...

Starlene Cheatham.

Take this man to be your

lawful wedded husband?

I sure as hell do.

Well then, uh, here,

give her the ring, son.

Oh, thank you very much,

Justice Thurman, sir.

Here you go, sweetheart.

You may kiss the girl.

Don't you try anything

Justice Thurman, sir.

Okay, Watt, smile.

Here, you don't mind taken'

one of us right quick,

before we tie your arms?

I guess not.

Thank you, sir.

I feel real bad about this, but...

I can tell you that you've performed

a most gracious and noble deed.

And don't think we don't

appreciate your cooperation.

Oh, hey...

one more time.

Okay.

Thanks. I mean we can't rightly

be spending our honeymoon

in the slammer now, can we?

No, they don't let you have sex

in the slammer, son.

Oh, Justice Thurman, sir,

I'm just gonna have to, uh...

disconnect your phone, but,

I'm gonna put it in the bushes

so you can retrieve it

later on.

Makes sense I guess.

Can I get you a book

or something like that?

Well, uh...

if you could turn me toward

the television,

I'd be much obliged.

Okay. The count of three, baby.

One, two, three.

Mr. Thurman, sir,

this is something I hate to do,

but I'm afraid

I'm gonna have to it.

You just tell me if it

feels real uncomfortable.

That feel okay.

- Honey, look at him.

- Yeah, well...

I'm afraid we're gonna have

to get goin', but...

I'm gonna have to steal your car,

but I'm gonna be leaving you

mine, okay?

So, she's a 1972,

Plymouth Roadrunner...

She's a bute. So we'll consider

this more than a fair exchange.

Now you take real good care

she's a collector's item.

Thank you very much.

Thanks for making our

relationship legal.

Oh...

We won't ever forget

this moment.

Just do it fast...

and keep doin' it hard.

Make sure you get

them wings right, okay?

You got it.

You are so radical now.

- Shut up.

- You shut up.

Look, I gotta concentrate

here, okay?

I'm gonna go to the store

and get some K-Y and some cigarettes.

Good.

Sorry about all the blood, man.

I've never done a head before.

Yeah, a lot of blood

in the head.

Yeah, whatever, man.

Ow...

What the f***

are you doin', man?

Sorry, man.

Ow...

See now, I guarantee you

don't want to f*** with me.

Is that right?

Sh*t.

What the f*** y'all doin' here?

Givin' you a tattoo, baby.

Now, sit your ass back down

in this chair

so I can finish what he started.

Creepy...

Hey...

what the f*** is up

with you guys?

You think you can

just come in my place

and start f***ing with the

customers, huh?

That is exactly what I think.

You have a problem with that?

No. You guys are cool.

Sit down, don't speak

till you're spoken to.

Okay.

Billy...

I almost didn't recognize you, Bill.

- Nice tattoo.

- Thank you.

Believe it or not, I used to be

quite an artist with a needle...

In all sorts of ways.

Put a needle in my hand,

I'm a regular Victor Van Gogh.

Van Gogh cut his own ear off.

That's right, Creepy.

Bet you didn't know that, Billy.

- Yeah, I did know it.

- I think I missed a spot.

Oh, there's another one.

F*** you!

- You drive fast, Billy.

- Yeah, real fast.

But I admire that in a man.

I like a man who dances

with speed.

Hey, how is that crystal

treatin' you?

Look, it's f***in' great.

I know you guys always

done me right.

That's right.

We always done you right!

Shut up, Creepy!

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