Love and a .45 Page #5

I wouldn't do that, Billy.

Now what Creepy

meant to say, Billy...

is that we always considered

you to be a good friend.

We done a lot of nice

things for you.

It's only logical that we'd

expect you to do the same for us.

Don't you think

that's logical, Billy?

Yeah.

I think that's f***in' logical.

Now, why were you driving

so fast to San Antone?

You got some family down here?

I'm here to get a taco,

what the f*** is it to you?

You know what, Billy,

I don't like your tone.

This would have noting' to do

with Watty Watts,

and that little job y'all

pulled off over in Creedmore?

We're lookin' for Watty.

We want to see if he can give

a hand with this little problem

that we're having.

You that's too f***in' bad,

'cause I haven't seen that

son-of-a-b*tch in a month.

That's not the answer

I wanted to hear.

That's not the answer

we wanted to hear, a**hole.

- Whoops, wrong place.

- Hey, up against the wall.

Sweetheart...

sit down next to Tattoo Joe

over there...

if you want to retain

that full figure of yours.

You guys mind if I smoke?

Smoke 'em up, honey.

Whoo-Whoo!

Choo-Choo-Choo.

Creepy, lock the door

and turn off the neon.

Billy...

Billy, Billy, Billy,

Billy, Billy.

I have something to confess to you.

I lied about being

a tattoo artist.

I really don't know what

the hell I'm doing.

F***in' sh*t.

It is gettin' a little unsanitary,

don't you think?

Yeah.

But the lure of the arts

have always held sway over me...

and I will be glad to continue.

That is if you don't want to tell me

the right answers to my questions.

You want to tell me the right answers,

don't you, Billy?

Yeah, I guess so.

Oh, Billy.

You gotta let me get a piece

of that action.

All we want is what we're owed.

Plus a little interest.

Yeah.

A little interest.

Come on, Billy...

let's get out of this piss hole.

Wait a minute.

Wait a minute.

I want to give you something.

You look a little tuckered out.

This is gonna perk you up.

This is extra special stuff.

We've been on it all week.

It will develop

your killer instinct.

Bulls eye. I'm gonna

fill you with love.

One one-thousand,

Two one-thousand...

Three!

Are you ready to rock, Billy?

I was born on a green light,

daddyo!

Hey, Billy!

I'll get it, honey.

Just go on watching your show.

Just a minute,

I'll be right there.

Hi, mom.

Starlene! Oh, baby!

I haven't seen you for so long.

Well, here I am!

Mom, what's with that gun?

Nothing honey.

I never answer the door

after dark without it.

Why don't you just hand me

over that gun now, okay?

Who is that good lookin'

young stud there with you?

Howdy, Tahylene.

You just come here right now

and get you some sugar, Watty.

You been stayin' out of jail?

- Yes, ma'am.

- That's good.

Um-hum.

Oh my God.

Look at that ring.

Oh! Oh my God.

Is that what I think it is?

Me and Watty tied the knot.

Far f***in' out.

Y'all are married?

That's right, ma.

Oh, baby.

- Wait till your daddy hears.

- Yeah.

- Vergil!

- Daddy!

Vergil, you're not

gonna believe this.

Vergil ripped

his own throat open

during a heavy acid trip

in the early sixties.

Vergil was born poor...

and when he read that

the government was paying students

to participate in experiments

with psychedelic drugs...

he volunteered.

They dosed him with something

called BZ...

Vergil lost it.

He won a huge settlement

in court...

which allowed him to live well

without workin'.

Later in his life...

Vergil lost the function

in his legs

due to an amphetamine

addiction he acquired

while tryin' to lose weight

so he could avoid the draft.

He threw a clot

and lost the use of his legs.

But Star's parents

have never been addicts...

they're just handicapped,

suburban hippies.

Praise the Lord!

Well, Vergil,

I can't say I have as of yet.

Well, yeah, Vergil,

I think that I do...

I'm nothin'...

till I'm nothin'.

Hey, thanks.

What is it?

It's a far-out trip!

Gee, thanks, Daddy...

maybe you shouldn't have, huh?

Yeah, well, thank you kindly,

Vergil...

See, me and Star we're headin'

down south to Mexico...

for a long-term honeymoon.

Well!

So, what've you kids

been up to today?

Well, we killed two cops

on the way over here...

we got married and saw

ourselves on TV for the first time.

Well, my goodness,

that does sound like a full day!

Starlene, I swear you ought

to be a fiction writer!

You've got the weirdest

way of talking!

Well, I hate to be

rushin' things...

but me and Star we're on a

particularly tight time-table.

We kinda gotta get going.

At this hour?

Y'all just got here!

Mama, it's my wedding night.

Ready for a little sex?

- Mom!

- Goddamn, Thaylene.

God!

Your daddy and me

want you guys to have this...

as a stake for the future!

What is it?

Holy sh*t, Mom,

that's 3O thousand dollars!

Your daddy's been savin' up.

That settlement pays us

pretty damn good, right?

Whoo!

Daddy!

We're just happy knowin'

that y'all have it.

Well, I don't know how

to thank y'all...

that's about the nicest thing

anyone's ever done for us.

Yeah.

Well, Mexico's callin'!

Yo vivo por Rojo Grande!

Whoo!

What's that mean?

I live for Big Red.

That's all I know in Spanish.

Hey...

maybe we ought to stop

in one of those small towns.

We could hold up

in one of them little motels...

and maybe you could give me

something that I kinda need.

Oh, yeah?

What's that?

I think you know.

Well, why don't you pull out

that road map there

and find out where

the hell we are

and where the hell

we oughta be?

I love bein' on

the run with you, Watt.

Coverin' the great state

of Texas like tornadoes...

drinkin' that cheap diner

coffee with non-dairy creamer...

runnin' from the cops,

runnin' from the Feds.

They'll try and stop us,

they'll try and hold down

on Watt and Starlene...

but they can't...

because we're movie stars.

Desperadoes and outlaws

on the road to freedom.

I swear to God, we remind me of

Faye Dunaway and Warren Beatty.

It's going to be just like

the movies, Watt.

Just like the movies.

Thank God we brought

the Polaroid.

Umm...

everybody, uh...

gets caught and killed

in those movies, Star.

Summer's upon us,

and as we all know

the season brings with it

a heatwave of robbery...

assault, rape...

and murder.

Remember folks...

the only think standing between

you and the criminal vermin

are your doors.

So secure those doors

with the best.

Titanium coated,

explosive dead bolts.

From Hyperlock.

Don't stay home without them.

Next on Suburban Minutes...

A retired school teacher buys

a gun and get even...

Oh, who the hell could that be?

Wouldn't that be nice.

Howdy, Miss Cheatham.

I'm a friend of your daughter's.

We had summer camp together.

These are my friends

Bob and Creepy.

Can we have a moment

of your time?

Okay, you gonna do it

to me now?

Uh-huh.

We swear...

on the sacrament

of our own blood...

That we will die...

before fallin' into

the hands of the law.

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