Love and Death Page #4

Yes. Your husband.

I loved him, as you know.

I wanted you

to have some of his possessions.

How kind.

I kept his sword, and gold watch.

But, here,

I'm giving you his moustache.

I'll cherish it.

Also,

some string.

Ivan saved string.

I know.

It was one of the reasons why I loved him.

I understand that.

I loved him for his string, too.

Anything else for me?

I thought we should divide his letters.

Do you want

the vowels or the consonants?

His vowels.

You keep the consonants.

Life is unbearable.

- So we meet again.

- Countess Alexandrovna.

I wish there was a way to thank you

for what you've done for Russia.

- I may be able to think of something.

- Maybe we could meet in my room later.

As you wish. How's five minutes?

Well. What have we here?

- Still dating laughing boy, huh?

- Back from the war, I see.

I'd have stayed longer,

but they ran out of medals.

I understand

your heroism was quite inadvertent.

You should have

such inadvertent heroism.

- Are you still talking to this strutting ass?

- Careful. It's a trick question.

Fetch my carriage, Lebedokov.

I'll join you momentarily.

Nice seeing you again, Quasimodo.

- My room at midnight?

- Perfect. Will you be there, too?

- Naturally.

- Until midnight, then.

Midnight.

- Make it a quarter to twelve.

- Midnight.

- Midnight.

- Boris, you hardly touched your blini!

Yes, well... I've been sick, you know...

Come in!

How do you like it?

It's all right.

I prefer something sexy, but...

Would you like some wine?

Something to put you in the mood.

Oh, I've been in the mood

since the late 1700s.

You're disgusting, but I love you.

Well, my disgustingness

is my best feature.

It must be lonely at the front.

How long has it been

since you've made love to a woman?

What's today? Monday, Tuesday...

- Two years.

- Two years. You do remember how?

Well, if you start me, it'll all come back.

Remember that?

Yes. That was just like kissing, right?

You're the greatest lover I've ever had.

Well, I practise a lot when I'm alone.

- Shall we say pistols at dawn?

- We can say it. What does it mean?

You have insulted the Countess' honour.

- Why? I let her finish first.

- Her seconds will call on you.

- Seconds? I never gave her seconds.

- My seconds will call on your seconds.

My seconds will be out.

Have 'em call on my thirds.

If my thirds are out, go to my fourths.

He's serious!

You must meet him on the field of honour.

I'm not gonna duel with him.

He's a marksman and a killer.

- Your honour is at stake!

- Hey, what is this? Slap Boris Day?

You are a war hero. Surely a duel with

Anton Lebedokov is nothing to fear?

Look, I just don't wanna

waste a good bullet.

The kid's rash. I'll drop by later,

give him a chance to apologise.

If he doesn't, I'll move to Finland.

Guess who.

Oh, I'd know those hands anywhere.

It's Old Nehamkin.

No. It's...

- Boris!

- Yes. How are you?

- I brought you a present.

- What?

You know those earrings

you always wanted? The long ones?

Thank you, cousin Boris.

Twice removed. By tomorrow morning,

I may be removed completely.

What is it? You look so worried.

Sonja, are you scared of dying?

Scared is the wrong word.

I'm frightened of it.

It's an interesting distinction.

If only God would give me some sign.

If he would just speak to me once.

Anything. One sentence. Two words.

If he would just cough.

Of course there's a God.

We're made in his image.

You think I was made in God's image?

You think he wears glasses?

- Not with those frames.

- Nothingness.

Non-existence.

Black emptiness.

- What did you say?

- Oh, I was just planning my future.

Why are you so preoccupied with death?

Sit down with me for a second.

Sonja, tomorrow morning I'm gonna

fight a duel with Anton Lebedokov.

He's much better than I am at it

and I'll probably be killed.

In case I don't see you again,

I wanted to say that I love you.

- Boris!

- I've loved you ever since we were kids.

I was heartbroken when you loved lvan.

Why didn't you say something?

- Would it have mattered?

- Oh, of course not, darling.

If, by some miracle, I'm not killed

tomorrow, would you marry me?

What do you think the odds are?

To die before the harvest...

The crops, the grains.

Fields of rippling wheat.

Wheat. All there is in life is wheat.

Sonja, here's your chance to do

something kind for a dying boy.

But I don't really love Boris. I mean,

I love him, but I'm not in love with him.

Oh, wheat! Lots of wheat! Fields of wheat.

A tremendous amount of wheat!

And yet, he loves me.

And he would make a devoted husband.

Not too exciting, but devoted. We'd have

a family. Maybe we could rent one.

I could learn to love him.

Me, Boris and six rented children.

Or would I feel trapped?

Suffocated? Can't breathe?

Open a window!

No, not that one! The one in the bathroom.

Yellow wheat. Red wheat.

Wheat with feathers. Cream of wheat.

Poor boy, duelling with Anton Lebedokov.

By tomorrow, my beloved cousin

Boris will look like a Swiss cheese.

Promise him anything,

make him happy for a night.

Oh! Or would I feel trapped?

Suffocated? My youth gone?

Living with a Swiss cheese

and rented children.

Of course I'll marry you, Boris.

It would be an honour for me.

This Anton Lebedokov,

he is a good shot, isn't he?

- I'm afraid so.

- Well,

since this may be

your last night on earth,

Iet's go back to my room and make love.

Nice idea. I'll bring the soy sauce.

At last. You're late, Grushenko.

We thought you weren't coming.

- Well, I overslept.

- Can you be so relaxed and confident?

I hate to shoot anybody

before my morning tea.

I get a lot of bad mail from the serfs.

I implore both of you,

come back to your senses.

It can still be called off, by mutual

consent, with no loss of honour.

Since you put it that way,

maybe I will hop back into bed.

We'll do it now and to the death.

Oh, no! I can't do anything to the death.

Doctor's orders.

I have an ulcer condition.

Dying is one of the worst things for it.

Begin.

You have been challenged. Choose.

Sure.

- All right, I'll take these.

- Just one.

Oh, he gets one! That was silly.

Starting back to back, on my signal,

you will walk ten paces, turn and fire.

- Is that clear?

- Of course.

Of course.

Good luck. And God be with you both.

Are you listening?

One, two,

three, four,

five, six,

seven, eight,

nine, ten.

Does this come out from dry-cleaning?

- You must shoot.

- No, no, I don't wanna shoot.

You must. It's the law.

Well, if it's the law,

then I'll shoot in the air.

There. I've fulfilled my obligation.

Boris Dimitrovitch.

I've learnt a great lesson here today.

Me too. Never shoot up in the air

when you're standing under it.

You could have killed me. And you didn't.

How can I ever repay you?

You can start by getting off my toe.

Oh, I beg your pardon.

Boris Dimitrovitch, from this day on,

I will lead a new life.

I will modify my views.

I will preach goodness,

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