Love Bite Page #2

- You can't make him do that.

Waiting.

Underpants.

- You're not allowed to do that.

- Please.

Guv? We've got to go pronto.

Two lC1s are taking a shower

with a naked ICO in the car wash.

- Not again.

- Yeah.

- I gotta make tracks.

- Really?

- Which way are you going?

- You're going back to the hotel, right?

I'm going the other way.

- That way is just the woods.

- Yeah, got you. Thanks.

Here he is.

I thought you weren't coming out.

- I wasn't.

- It's Friday night. Know what that means?

- Tomorrow's Saturday?

- No, girlies' night out.

- Still early.

- Whoa.

- I saw the top of her pants.

- Yeah?

Tramp stamping a whale's tail? Nice.

Girls on holiday do anything.

- Like ice skating and stuff?

- No, in bed.

Not that you two cherry boys

would know, innit?

It's their first time away from home.

Nothing's off limits. Indoors, outdoors.

- Backdoors.

- Thank you.

And that little beauty is Rainmouth

Pier's primo pulling apparatus.

You're basing this on...?

Once rotated your giddy girly

is gonna have to grab onto something.

Or someone?

Have you ever thought about

a sexual advice column?

Go on, Spikey boy.

Hello, girls.

Try and edge towards them. Go on.

My hand's stuck.

Get off me, Spike.

You're cramping my style.

Thanks a bunch.

Do you wanna hold my hand?

- Perfect.

- Yeah, pie puke. Nasty.

I'd love to work here.

It's like a chick magnet.

I'm holding out for a slot on the bins.

I've always wanted to ride a crusher.

- You've gotta love those perks.

- What perks?

Glow bib.

What is it about those men

that women find so irresistible?

- Girls love a bit of bump and grind.

- Bump and grind.

I'm riding with you, Kev.

I'm a nervous passenger.

Back out slowly.

You do understand

the idea of bumper cars?

Slow down.

- Ladies.

- What's that smell?

I don't know.

Kev, are you really gonna work

at the pie factory?

- Jamie, the pie factory's a babe pit.

- Says who?

Pie folk.

There you go, a redhead.

Red on her head, fire in bed.

If you don't chat up a girl

in 30 seconds, do you stop breathing?

It's a natural urge, Jamie.

The itch you have to scratch, right?

The itch happens after.

I've seen the girls you've been with.

Listen up. New number one

on my wish list, right.

Twins, right, and me with a strap-on worn

back to whatsit, both at the same time.

I call it a sister seesaw.

Spike)'-

We're gonna get you.

Mate, your hair stinks of puke.

Right. Check it, Bru.

A big lump at the back there, Spike.

Bruno, get down the offie

and get some more beers, will you?

- Why should I go?

- 'Cause you're our booze b*tch.

As soon as you've dunked

your doughnut, you can stop.

You wait till I'm on the bins.

Then you'll see who the girls go for.

- Yeah, not you, you big virganus.

- Yeah, Spike, like you're not one too.

Does your cyber cherry count?

Right, is it out yet?

- The good news is the sick is out.

- But you're now covered in sh*t.

Juliana, it's Jamie.

- Where's Juliana?

- Checked out.

What are you doing in her room?

Wanted an en suite bath.

Why are you dressed like a terrorist?

I work with bees.

Bzz.

Juliana, I'm surprised you checked out.

I hope everything's alright.

Let me know. Best wishes, Jamie.

Kind regards.

Yours sincerely.

J. And a kiss.

No kiss.

Smiley.

Yuk!

That vintage fashion shop

you recommended, it's fabulous.

I bought the most beautiful

satin corset.

So if you've any more ideas...

Well, I'll definitely bear you in mind...

bear it in mind...

remember you in it... remember it.

Sorry for my sudden departure.

My boss wanted me to check out

some accommodations.

Kind of have to jump when she says,

sucks, but that's the gig.

Here's my new address.

Go on then.

You go.

- What are they doing?

- Dunno.

Get up.

Let me in or I'll have you thrown out.

I can do that. I'm management.

- Why were you at the cabin?

- What cabin?

I saw you.

What is all this?

Who are you?

Tip of the ice berg.

These are the ones we know about.

I've seen things.

Things people don't care to believe.

Nothing new, mind.

Been around for thousands of years.

King Ly...

Ancient king of Greece.

He was the first recorded man

to shed his form.

Disappeared on nights of the full moon.

That's Bruno's.

What are you doing with this?

I found that in the woods

next to the cabin.

- Wasn't a virgin, was he?

- A virgin?

Well, they kill and eat a virgin

on the night of the full moon.

They can smell 'em a mile off.

- You're one, aren't you?

- What? Nothing to do with you.

Such enflamed tenderloin flesh

is the sweetest meat of all.

Ever been followed

by a bloke with a butterfly net?

Sumerian pentangle.

I painted one on the door

to ward her off.

They're not scared of much, but they see

that, they know we're on to them.

I've hunted werewolves

all my adult life, son.

Not found one yet,

but I'm working on it.

Now, you hear what I say, boy.

And you hear it good.

Stay away from that girl!

It's her.

It's a dog.

Alright, Tiff?

Been looking for your brother.

- Bruno.

- Him.

- Is he in?

- No.

Nobody's heard from him for a week.

I was worried.

What, is he your boyfriend?

You two benders now, then, yeah?

No. Just a concerned friend.

- He went away.

- Where?

I think it was Amsterdam.

Or maybe Hampstead.

Or was it Hammersmith?

- Is there a place called Hampstersmith?

- No.

- He's definitely gone away then?

- I said that, didn't I?

- Right, if you...

- Whatever.

- So who called it in?

- One of the stallholders.

Said he heard someone screaming.

Said it sounded like an animal in pain.

Prat. We all know what that was.

Mosh pit of rutting down here of a night.

Guv?

- Looks like a dog's bone.

- Big dog. Look at the teeth marks.

- Get Forensics to take a look?

- Chemists who think they're coppers?

It's standard procedure...

Standard procedure if you want

to be laughed at.

This is how we took care of

these sorts of things in the Met.

Dodged the bullet there, son.

- Where have you been? It's 6 o'clock.

- I've been looking for Bruno.

- Why? What has he done?

- We haven't heard from him for a week.

Do you know what's weird?

I haven't missed him at all.

I think we should report it.

Remember, he was going on

about working on the bins.

Perhaps that's where he's gone.

Bin school.

Here, Jamie, told you.

Pie factory's a babe cave, mate.

If you aren't helping me,

I'll keep looking for him myself.

This one mine, then?

- Hello, lover.

- Hi.

How about going somewhere more private?

- You got your own place?

- Yeah.

Sort of. Spike.

Mate, you're a sure win.

- Yeah, not my type.

- She'll do the nasty.

They're the only type worth having.

It's important to respect your partner.

- Those are double Ds, man.

- Yeah, what's not to respect?

Anyway, I met someone.

Juliana.

Juliana Banana.

- Nice. You boned it?

- I'm not answering that.

Means no.

Tell her she's in your wank bank.

- Girls love stuff like that.

- She's well hot.

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